


Drug Trip

by Zethsaire



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, M/M, PTSD, Prostitution, Self-Mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:15:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 65,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zethsaire/pseuds/Zethsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Duo and Heero finally got together. Two years later, Heero left without a word.  Six year after that, the pilots have pulled themselves together and moved on with their lives as best as they can.  Then, one night, Duo opens his door to find Heero on his doorstep, drugged out of his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older work from FF.net that I'm reposting here. It's a few years old, but I spent a long time on it, so it's worth reposting. I might actually re-work it at some point, not sure.
> 
> There are many triggers in this work, the most prevalent being drug use, self mutilation/self destructive behaviors, and prostitution. If these are triggers for you tread carefully, or perhaps check out a different fic.

Drug Trip

Prologue

Sunday, March 16th, AC 204

_It’s not every day your long lost best friend shows up on your doorstep completely shitfaced. I hadn’t seen him in almost six years; it’d hurt at first, but I got over it eventually. He was the kind of person who, if he didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t find him. We had a fight, he took off. Never thought I’d see him again. Guess he proved me wrong._

_I almost shot him when he knocked at my door. He was skinny – super unhealthy looking, like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Hair covering his face, tangled, unwashed and uncut. His eyes were sunken in and bloodshot, and he was twitching. My hand went for my gun, until he spoke. No matter what he looked like, there was no mistaking that voice. Husky, wild, untamable. Body bruised and soul shaken, that voice was still strong._

“Hey Duo.” He wheezed. “I uh…I know I yelled at you a lot yesterday. I was a dumbass.”

If Duo hadn’t figured out something was wrong by now, that clued him in real quick. Of course he knew about soldiers having flashbacks, he'd had them himself, but it was really weird for someone, especially Heero, to be flashing back more than six years. Especially since he’d stalked off that night, anything but repentant, and hadn’t called, emailed, or even given Duo any reason to think he was still alive. 

“Yeah, you were.” Duo peered at the man through his doorway. He gripped a filthy duffel bag with both hands, those hands shaking. He was covered in sweat, and his pupils were dilated. Duo had never thought he'd see the day that Heero Yuy, Perfect Soldier, was on a drug trip. 

“I know.” Heero sounded a little angrier this time. “I was going to apologize. Whatever. I knew this was a stupid idea.” He turned away and stalked off. Or he tried to, but he was stumbling and swaying so badly, he just looked pathetic.

Duo glared at him as he went, and then started as he realized what a douche bag he was being. Who gets to have a second chance at reconciling with their best friend? He'd already thought Heero was gone from his life the first time. After tonight, well, with the shape Heero was in Duo honestly didn’t know if he’d last long. 

“Oi, Heero! Come back. I’m sorry too. Hey!” He ran after Heero, who was either ignoring him or couldn’t hear him anymore. Depending on how bad he was tripping, he could be completely in his own world.

He caught up to Heero easily, but wasn’t sure whether he should touch him or not. If Heero thought he was an enemy…

Duo looked at his wasted figure, and at how bad he was shaking, and decided that Heero probably wasn’t a match for him in this state anyways. He carefully reached out and grabbed Heero’s shoulder. 

“Hey, I said I was sorry. You don’t look too good. Why don’t you stay at the apartment for tonight?”

Heero flinched, and spun around, his eyes wide and panicked. He didn’t try to hurt Duo, but he did twist defensively out of his grasp and back up a few steps. He looked at Duo for a few moments, completely confused. 

“Duo? What…what are you doing here? What’s going on?” He reached out a hand, and touched Duo lightly on the cheek. “Oh God. You’re real. Oh God!” 

Duo sprang forward to catch him as his eyes rolled up and he fainted. He looked at what was left of the man he used to call his best friend, and sighed. Heero wasn’t heavy, and Duo started to worry even more as he carried him back to his apartment. Even during the war, Heero had weighed more than this. They had both carried packs that weighed more than he did now. If Duo had to guess, he’d say Heero was maybe ninety pounds, soaking wet. And that scared him.

He got Heero back to the apartment without much fuss – they hadn’t really gone all that far. He laid the man down on his futon, clearing some books and vids off it to make room for him. After locking his door again, he came back and gently covered Heero with blankets. He felt foolish, tucking him into bed like that. Heero looked so small and defenseless, Duo’s heart ached. All the pain and bitterness he’d put between them melted away as he gently lifted Heero’s head up and put a pillow underneath.

Did he think this was going to miraculously change things between them? Not really. But he couldn’t turn his back on his friend now. There had been so many nights after Heero had disappeared that he’d cried himself to sleep wishing he could bring him back, could apologize somehow. He’d been given another chance, and no matter how fucked up Heero had gotten; Duo was determined to make it right. Heero had come to him, bad trip or no, to him, not anyone else. He wasn’t going to throw that away, no matter how hard it was.

It was going to be hard. Duo had grown up on the street; he knew an addict when he saw one. Heero had it bad. It was hard to tell exactly what Heero had gotten himself hooked on, but Duo had seen the track marks when he covered him up, which probably meant heroin. That could account for a bad trip too, but something hard enough to make him forget so much, that was more like party drugs; ecstasy or LSD. All that shit was nasty, and Duo had watched more than one addict waste away on the street, selling every cent they owned for another hit.

He didn’t even know if Heero wanted help. If he was tripping back to six years ago, he wouldn’t have been addicted then. He was coming to talk to Duo about an argument, not ask him for help curing addictions to who knew how many drugs. Even if Heero did want help, Duo wasn’t sure he was the best person for the job. He’d managed to steer clear of the harder drugs easily enough; after watching kids your age die from overdoses right in front of you, you kinda got turned off some things. But he had an addictive personality, and he still drank and smoked on a regular basis. Hell, he’d been addicted to Heero himself at one point, and that had not been a fun dependency to get over. Having Heero here, in his very small home, with highly addictive substances involved, was not really a good idea. Then again, when had he been known to make good decisions?

Duo sighed. This wasn’t getting him anywhere, and he had to work in the morning, assuming he wasn’t too busy detaining a psychotic, withdrawn Heero from running down to the nearest back alley to sell his soul for some more heroin. Assuming Heero didn’t kill him in his sleep, mistaking him for some enemy. Assuming he even woke up in the morning.

He stopped that train of thought right there, and forced himself to go get ready for bed. He was already in his pajamas, so he kicked off his shoes and shuffled over to his small bathroom. As he looked in the mirror and brushed his teeth he tried to stop thinking about how much he’d grown, and how little Heero had. As he spat his toothpaste into the sink he told himself to stop worrying about what he’d do with Heero while he was at work. As he rinsed out his mouth, he told his brain to stop thinking about what it was going to be like to sleep in the same apartment as Heero again. 

Putting up his toothbrush and snapping off the light, he walked back out into the main room. His place was small; his bedroom doubled as an office, which he ran his business out of. His kitchen was no more than a counter in-between a stove and a refrigerator, with a sink and dishwasher off to one side. There was the bathroom – small enough that you couldn’t close the door unless you were actually sitting on the toilet, with a stand up shower that was much too small for someone Duo’s size. A growth spurt after Heero had left had put him just over six feet, and small spaces he used to find comforting now caused him a great deal of discomfort.

The main room held a television, the futon, coffee table, and a round table with a cheap plastic chair that Duo usually ate at before relaxing to some videogames, old movies or cartoons. His bed was right near the door in his bedroom, and if he angled himself just right, he could watch tv from there. On his days off, sometimes his only movement for hours consisted of rolling out of bed and taking two steps to the futon. Now, the futon with Heero’s still form on it seemed much too close to his bed. He tiptoed by, hoping not to wake the man. Any normal person strung up that bad would sleep for the rest of the night and the rent of the next day, so there wasn’t really any reason to worry. That didn’t stop him from doing it though – this was Heero, and he was hardly normal.

He spent almost an hour trying to fall asleep, listening to sound of Heero’s uneven breathing. There had been a time when that sound put him to sleep in seconds; when it had meant that all was right with the world, that he was safe and protected. Now it kept him awake, listening for that next breath, hardly believing that he was hearing it again, as if unless he paid attention, it would slip away again. The knowledge that he had to be the protector, the one who made everything okay, was hard for him. He wasn’t a coward, and he had faith in his own abilities as far as self-preservation went. But everyone he’d loved before, everyone he’d tried to protect; well they hadn’t fared so well. And if the same thing happened with Heero – if he lost him, he knew he’d never forgive himself.

Finally, sleep came to him. As he slipped away, he dreamed that it was six years ago, and he and Heero were living together, roommates and best friends. Heero was going to get up wretchedly early, and scold him for sleeping in. They would have breakfast together, before they both went to work. Duo would go to the shop where he was currently apprenticing under Howard, learning the business side of the trade, and Heero would go off to job at the Preventers. Une worked him hard, and he was often stressed out, but he always took time out of his day to spend with Duo. When they got home Duo would cook dinner, and make fun of Heero for how awful he was in the kitchen, and they’d watch movies and talk, before Duo talked Heero into playing videogames with him. They’d stay up most of the night, racing, fighting evil, or dueling it out in the ultimate showdown, while Heero tried to pretend he wasn’t having just as much fun as Duo was, and Duo tried his hardest to make Heero smile. 

And sometimes, very, very rarely, he would succeed.

–

insert into story somewhere

Everyone has their vices. Do you honestly think I could have handled everything so well if I wasn't on something? Everyone else went through the natural nervous breakdown. Mine just didn't happen until after the war.

Chapter 1

**Monday, March 17 th, AC 204**

Heero came awake slowly, his body reminding him that it had been in one stiff position for too long. He blinked, looking blearily at his surroundings. He stretched, popping bones back into place and stretching sore muscles. As he looked around the tiny loft apartment, he realized that it wasn't one he recognized. Usually the places he frequented were either a bit more shady and rundown, or on special occasions, much fancier and larger than this.

As usual, he had no memory of the night before, or how he'd managed to get here, but that wasn't really a surprise. What did shock him was the absence of a body next to him, or in the bed he could see through the bedroom's open door. No matter what he'd been up to the night before, there should have been another person involved. Had to have been, since the last thing he could piece together in the sieve of his memory, he'd been sleeping beside a dumpster in a back alley downtown.

The place was empty. No sounds of a shower running, or anyone walking about. He could see most of the place from where he still lay on the couch, so it wasn't as if there was some place for anyone to hide. He frowned. The lack of a john meant he'd have to wait to get into anything in his supply. Assuming, after last night, he had any left. Taking into consideration how awful he felt, he wasn't entirely sure there would be. When had he refilled his stash last?

After a few moments failing to remember, he gave it up. If something didn't come to him after a few minutes, it probably wasn't going to. He vaguely remembered a time that he had an impeccable memory and would have been horrified by the state his mind was in now. His current brain didn't really give a shit.

Heero forced himself to sit up, his joints creaking in protest. His head hurt, and his skin itched, especially on the inside of his arms, but he felt relatively lucid. Which probably meant he was still high, but as long as he felt all right, he wasn't going to question it. He just had to find something to do until the apartment's owner came home.

His tired eyes focused on a note laying on the side table next to the couch. It was held down by two granola bars, and written in a neat script. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar, but there were so many holes in his memory he immediately dismissed it.

_Heero,_

_Here's some breakfast. There's more in the cupboard, but I wasn't sure what you wanted to eat. Please take a shower and wash your clothes and bedding before I get home. There are spare clothes in the bathroom. Feel free to use anything in the house. I'll be home around 6._

It wasn't signed. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, still confused. Apparently he had told this person his real name, which bothered him, because he preferred to keep names out of it, or use his street name if he had to. He should have at least gotten a name in return. He grimaced at the instructions to bathe; not because he didn't want to, but because he was embarrassed to realize just how badly he needed one. He had gone to a homeless shelter a while back and gotten new clothes, a haircut and a shower. Judging by how much his hair had grown, that had been quite some time ago. 

Suddenly disgusted with himself, he got up and headed into the bathroom. It was ridiculously tiny; he had to step into the shower to close the door. There were clothes and a towel folded neatly on top of the toilet. Heero was amazed. What had he done to make the john want to take care of him like this? He shuddered. What had he promised him?

Ruthlessly he pushed that thought down. Whatever happened, he'd have clean hair and clothes to face it in. He stripped, throwing his filthy clothes under the sink. He was very careful not to look at himself as he turned on the water. 

A shock of cold spray caught him in the face, and he spluttered, stepping back from it and shivering. He huddled against the wall until the water began to warm, then stepped back out into the spray. For a minute he just stood there, letting the water steam down his body. It felt good to actually be able to get clean. On the outside, anyways. He'd never be clean again.

“Shut up!” He slammed his fist against the side of the stall. Change that status update to not okay. Not at all. He wanted a hit, right now.

A bottle of shampoo smacked him in the head, falling from the shelf above him. Heero cursed, then bent down and picked it up. It was a bottle of Fekkai Shea Butter Moisturizing Shampoo. Hideously expensive stuff, Heero couldn't see anyone owning an apartment like this justifying spending that much on shampoo.

**Duo used to use this kind of shampoo...** Heero sighed. He wasn't going to escape the fragments of memory this morning.

Whoever this john was, he'd said that Heero could use anything. And if he was going to keep thinking about the past, he might as well continue the masochism. He held the bottle for a moment, just looking at it and letting his mind flow as it would.

He thought about Duo as he opened the shampoo and spread a generous amount on his hands, and lathered the shampoo into his hair. It came down to his shoulders now, a big tangled mess of brown hair. He scrubbed hard, getting rid of dirt and sweat, and who knew what else. He had to rinse it and scrub again before the water ran clear, and there were still some patches of hair he'd have to cut out.

There was body wash there too, in sandalwood and lavender. He'd always made fun of Duo for smelling like flowers, and had often argued in favor of sandalwood, which had been his favorite at the time. He used lavender.

Almost an hour later, he came out of the shower scrubbed clean, and smelling like Duo. It made his heart ache, but he didn't care. Somehow, he'd ended up in the house of someone who had the same tastes of Duo, and he was too tired to try to fool his deluded mind into thinking that he didn't miss his friend. It was far, far too late to ever go back to that life, but he was determined to hold on to what memories he had left to him.

The clothes were too big on him, but he had expected that. He rolled up the legs on the jeans, and tried not to think about how the black t-shirt with the metal band logo on it hung almost to his knees. A tall guy then. He must have really been gunning for punishment last night. He tried not to look at himself in the mirror as he used a pair of scissors to cut out the knots in his hair. A cheap black comb lay on the sink, and he ran it ruthlessly through his hair.

Of course, he couldn't help but notice his reflection. He looked like shit. His eyes were sunken in, and all his facial bones stuck out horrifically. Instead of making him look healthier, his tangled, bushy hair only emphasized the narrowness of his face. The clothes made him look like a child, hanging off his skeletal frame like rags on a scarecrow. Hardly an image to impress. How had he ever managed to be picked up last night?

Heero scowled at himself in the mirror before turning away, not wanting to look at himself any longer. There were several hair ties discarded on the sink as well, and he took one, binding his hair up at the nape of his neck. Strands of it escaped, falling in front of his face as if to mock him.

Growling in frustration, he picked up his dirty towel and dirtier clothes, and carried them out to the washing machine, which was mounted in the wall directly across from the bathroom. He added all his blankets from the couch, and the assortment of rags that passed for extra changes of clothing from his bag. Frowning at the smell, he dumped the bag upside down, emptying the contents and threw the bag in the wash as well.

He used extra soap. Resigned that there was not much more he could do to ensure his client's satisfaction, he threw himself back onto the couch again. He glanced at the note again, refusing to compare that neat handwriting to Duo's flowing script. Of course it wouldn't be him. He swore he'd never go back, once he'd hit bottom. He wouldn't drag his friend down into the hell of his life. The only thing that mattered now was pleasing this mystery man so he could leave, and get as high as possible. After a few hits, he wouldn't even remember this.

The granola bars looked unappetizing, but he felt that way about almost anything that was considered food. Still, he'd been instructed to eat, so he took them both. He unwrapped one and began to chew it slowly. It tasted like dirt. He swallowed mechanically, not even caring about the taste. It was food, and it would keep him going until he ate again.

It was only four thirty according to the clock on the wall. An hour an a half with nothing to pass the time, and no drugs to tide him over, to make him forget. Only a heavy heart and a sharp ache in his chest every time he took a breath and smelled Duo. Heero pulled a pillow to his chest, and curled up in a fetal position on the futon. It wouldn't hurt to show a little weakness; there wasn't anyone to see. He felt tears in his eyes and blinked them away furiously.

He couldn't really remember why he'd walked out that night, so long ago. Hell, he wasn't even sure how long it had been since he'd left. At first he'd tried to keep an eye on his friends, all the while thwarting Duo's attempts to find him. After a while, as he got deeper into his various addictions, he'd given up. It was hard to watch over your friends when you were living in a back alley, so strung out you didn't even know what day it was, or when your last meal had been. He hadn't stopped caring; on the rare occasions he would remember who he'd been before, and what he'd done, it would tear him in two. Until he couldn't stand the pain any longer, and he spiraled down into a long dark fall into harder and harder drugs. Anything to take away the pain.

But now there was nothing to make that ache go away. Nothing to make him forget, to keep the memories away. Maybe tonight, after, he'd be so scrambled he wouldn't remember any more. But he remembered now, and it hurt. He curled up tighter, sinking into a pit of his own misery, each breath bringing fresh tears.

~~~

Duo wasn't sure what he was expecting to walk in on when he got home. He didn't know if Heero would be lucid, or in a raging fit, or so tripped out he wouldn't even recognize him. For all he knew, the man wouldn't even be there any more. He hadn't exactly tried hard to keep him in. The last thing he wanted was for Heero to think he was locked in. Heero had always reacted calmly to imprisonment during the war, at least as long as anyone was looking. Duo was probably the only one on the face of the planet that knew that his best friend was terrified of being locked up.

He pulled into his apartment complex with a rolling gut. It wasn't that he was nervous per say, just that he didn't know how he should react. Should he act like nothing had happened? Or should he be condescending of Heero's choices? Maybe he should let himself feel everything he'd been putting off since his best friend left. That option was dismissed easily; Heero didn't need to hear six year of his baggage, regardless of whether he deserved it or not.

Instead of sitting in the truck and figuring out a plan, Duo hopped out of the driver's seat as 

soon as the vehicle was in park. He wasn't much into planning anything out ahead of time. If something was bothering him, better to get it out into the open and over with then sit and brood about it. Especially if it concerned Heero.

Sighing to himself, he pulled out his keys to open the door. Remembering he had left it unlocked, he put them back into his pocket, muttering about getting old. He opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Heero, if he was still there. He snuck inside, deliberately being a quiet as possible.

The apartment was quiet, with a low rumble of the dryer in the background. So Heero had decided to wash his clothes at least. If he hadn't left without them; he'd never been one for emphasizing on personal possessions. 

It didn't take long to find him; though Duo was surprised to see him curled up on the futon, gripping the sheets like they were his only salvation. He was turned away, but Duo could see he was wearing the clothes he'd left for him. They were too big for him, but he didn't have anything smaller that he could have given to Heero. For some reason, seeing Heero in his apartment, on his futon, wearing his clothes, gave him a little twinge in his stomach that wasn't entirely unpleasant. He frowned; now was not the time to start getting personal feelings mixed up in all this. Especially ones that were supposed to be six years buried.

He shuffled his feet on the welcome mat, and closed the door loud enough for Heero to hear, but the man didn't stir. Nervously, he took off his jacket and set his keys on the kitchen counter, not attempting to be quiet any longer. He didn't want to have to try to shake Heero awake. The last time he'd tried to do that, he'd ended up with a broken arm. Sure, that had been years ago, but if Heero had been living on the streets his reactions had probably grown even more violent then before.

When he coughed, rather loudly, Heero jumped. Duo felt a little guilty, even more so when that gaunt face turned to look at him. He thought he'd been prepared for anything, that he could handle it. He'd put Heero to bed last night, and even managed to get a few hours of sleep after all. But nothing could have prepared him for the look of absolute horror that fell over Heero's wasted form as he saw who had come through the door.

“Heero-” He began, and let out a rather girlish shriek when he had to dodge a knife that Heero pulled out from somewhere and threw at his head. What the hell was he thinking?

He didn't have time to process this unexpected turn of events, or even pull out his own knife before Heero was shoving him to the floor. Bony and small as he was, Duo was shocked when Heero easily straddled him and held his arms with one hand, his other arm shooting out and clamping around Duo's throat like a vice. So much for Heero not being as strong as he once was. Duo thought Heero was going to crush his windpipe. 

“Who are you,” Heero snarled, “What are you trying to pull? Is this some kind of sick joke someone set you up to, trying to look like _him?_ Smell like him, look like him, except you're too tall, and you don't move right. Duo would never let me take him down this easily. You sick fuck, do you get off on torturing people like this?” 

His voice was thick with rage and pain, and he stared down at Duo with hate. Apparently he couldn't accept that he was actually back here, with Duo. Someone had to be out to get him, to hurt him in some way. And he meant it too; Duo had to struggle for breath.

“Heero,” he whispered, “I'm not trying to trick you. You showed up last night, tripping out of your mind. You thought...,” He looked at Heero's expression warily before continuing, “You thought it was the night you'd walked out, or maybe the night after. You said that you were sorry, and then you passed out. I wasn't going to leave you outside in the rain.”

For a moment Heero's hand tightened further, and Duo made a strangled noise as all his air was cut off. “How do I know you're not lying?” He said hoarsely. “How can I tell you're actually...that this isn't...” 

The pressure let up on his throat, and Duo coughed, gasping for breath. He struggled to be able to speak again, and finally managed a hoarse wheeze.

“I know I look different. I grew almost a foot after you left. As for how you can know it's me...well, I know that twice during the war we went and got smashed at a club, and one of those times it was your idea. We found out that Wufei smoked opium, and he made us swear not to tell anyone. Trowa named one of his lions after you, and you were pissed for three weeks.” He grinned at the memory. When Heero didn't move, his grin faded a little, and he continued.

“At the New Year's party just before you left, we all got completely wasted. Trowa proposed to Quatre, and then had to take it back the next day before Quat's family found out about it. Every year Wufei still visits Treize's grave, and he has a shrine in his house to honor his dead wife. I still fast once a year, on the anniversary of...the church fire. And you used to burn incense every year in memory of -” 

“Enough.” Heero cut him off. “I understand.” He let go of Duo, standing up and retrieving his knife from where it stood buried half to the hilt in the wall. Duo's hands went to his throat reflexively, coughing and gagging from his near strangulation. He'd seriously thought Heero was going to kill him.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“Yeah – yeah. I'll be okay. Just...forgot how strong you were.”

“I didn't think it was you.” Heero said, looking away. “I couldn't believe that it was you. That after all this time I was somehow back here again. And...”

He turned back around quickly, his face a mask of panic. “How did I get here anyway? I didn't...you didn't...pick me up, did you?”

“No, I didn't pick you up.” Duo said quietly. He had known, abstractly, that Heero must have been doing something to get drugs. He had just refused to think about how he might be making money. It was painfully clear now. “Like I said, you must have had a bad trip last night. You were convinced it was the day you left, and you apologized. Scared the shit outta me.” He tried to smile.

“Ah.” He sounded relieved. This was so awkward. “So...” He seemed at a loss for words. Heero looked around, not really meeting Duo's eyes, and scratched absently at his track marks.

“You can stay, if you want.” Duo said bluntly.

Heero looked at him like he was crazy. “W-what? That's..well, you probably don't want to have anything to do with me. I mean...what I do. I mean...”

Duo looked at him blandly. “I really don't care about that Heero.”

Heero looked at him; really looked at him. His eyes had always been blank – guarded; a defense he never let down. Now – they were pools of emotion, full of so much hurt and pain, it made everything Duo had been through since he'd left seem...meaningless.

“I don't even remember how long I've been gone.” He said hopelessly.

Duo hesitated, then said, as gently as he could, “Six years.”

Heero crumpled, putting a hand over his eyes, and slid down the wall. “Oh god.” His voice wavered.

“It's March 17th, AC 204. You're twenty four now.” He tried to be gentle, really, he did, but bitterness crept into his voice. He hadn't had a great time either.

“Oh god.” Heero moaned. “I thought maybe it had been a year, or two, but not...oh god!” Tears welled up in Heero's eyes. He scrubbed them away determinedly, then leaned back against the wall and pulled his legs up to his chest, as if he could physically hold himself together. He looked so small and fragile and alien, so unlike the Heero that Duo had thought he'd known.

Heero pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his back pocket. His hands shook as he lit it, but no more tears appeared in his eyes. He took a deep drag before putting his head back against the wall again.

“I never meant to come back.” He confessed.

“I thought you were dead.” Duo told him. “I looked and looked. I knew I wouldn't actually find you if you didn't want me to, but I thought there would be signs. Something to show you were still around.”

Heero grunted and took another drag off his cigarette. “I didn't want you to find me, because I didn't want you to see what I'd become. I didn't want to drag you guys down; any of you. Everyone was coping so well, but I just couldn't take it.”

Focusing on the cigarette had given him an outlet for his frustration. His eyes were still watery and he hadn't completely stopped shaking, but he seemed a little more in control.

“I thought you told me those were bad for me.” Duo pointed at the cigarette.

“That never stopped you.” Heero bit back. Then he blinked, and said, “Unless you've quit.”

“Nah, but I usually smoke outside. You used to bitch so much about smoke clinging to everything, I just got in the habit of not smoking in the house.”

Heero looked guilty. “I promise, I'll leave as soon as my clothes dry. You'll never know I was here.” He stood up and stuffed the cigarettes back into his pocket.

Duo couldn't believe it. Just like that, he was going to walk out again. And for what? Last time they'd had an argument, at least a pretense of a reason to leave. This time, he was leaving to save Duo face. To not ruin his life. Didn't he get it at all? His life had ended the night Heero had walked out that door.

“Heero.” His throat was thick with emotion. He couldn't cry. Heero had lost six years of his life and had hardly shed a tear, so the least he could do was be man enough to do the same. “Heero, don't leave me again. Please.”

Heero looked completely baffled. His face was a stone mask again, but his eyes bled. “Why? I shouldn't stay Duo. I can't quit.”

Duo tried to argue; Heero had the strongest willpower of anyone he'd ever met. If anyone could break the drug habit, it would be him. But Heero cut him off before he'd even opened his mouth. 

“I can't.”

“I don't care Heero.” Couldn't he see what this was really about? The drugs didn't matter, they were just an excuse to leave him. For the person he cared about to walk out on him, to be worse then dead. Someone he cared about, out of his life. Again. “I just found you again. It's been six years, Heero. Whatever I was mad about, and whatever problems you have now, I don't care. You're my best friend!”

“I'm not that person any more Duo. I'm just a whore.” He put his hand on the door, ready to leave right then and never come back.

“Dammit Heero!” He wanted to punch the guy, he really did. “It's not like I haven't been friends with whores before. You know what my life was like before. I don't care what you've done or had to do to survive. You're one of the only people on this planet who understands what I've gone through. Maybe the only one who really understands what it's like to live out there on the street. I'm not going to abandon you just because you have some bad habits.”

Slowly, Heero released his hold on the doorknob. Turning to face Duo, he said, “You really mean that, don't you.” 

Duo nodded.

“There's a lot of things I never understood, before. Things I don't understand now either. Why would you want me? No one has _ever_ wanted me, unless they could get something from me. Dr. J, the Preventers, my dealers, the johns; they haven't cared about me, just what I can do. What's in it for you? If you want to sleep with me you don't have to keep me here you-”

“You are such a freaking idiot Heero!” Duo snapped. “I don't want you to stay because I want to fuck you. I want what we had, before. I want to have someone to cook for, to nag me when I watch too much tv, and someone to pulverize me in Tekken. I just miss...what we had. What's wrong with that?”

They stood there, staring at each other. Duo wasn't sure whether they were about to come to blows, or if Heero was going to collapse in his arms. Even before, they'd fought a lot. It had mostly been good natured fighting and bickering, but he and Heero thought so differently, they'd often had conflicting opinions. He wanted Heero to stay, he really did. But the man didn't have to be such an ass about it.

The dryer beeped, the sound echoing loudly in the apartment. Heero broke the staring match first, muttering something about getting back into his own clothes. Duo stared after him, then turned towards the kitchen. It was late, and he was hungry.

“You want something to eat Heero? It's just leftovers, but I'm starving.” He opened the fridge and peered inside. He'd made Spanish rice yesterday, and he still had some tortillas left from quesadillas the week before.

“No.” Heero sounded as morose as ever. For a moment Duo could imagine that nothing had ever changed.

Duo smirked as he spooned rice out of the plastic dish and onto two tortillas. Heero had always complained about his cooking, even though he wasn't that proficient at it himself. He never professed to be hungry, preferring to eat only when necessary, and never for pleasure. Well, Duo wasn't going to let him get away with it anymore. The guy was a stick. He really needed to get some calories in him.

He put the two wraps in the microwave and turned back towards the room. Heero was methodically pulling clothes out of the dryer, folding his clothes and placing them on the back of the couch. He was still wearing Duo's clothes, which were enormous on him. In those clothes, he looked so much younger then he was.

“I made you a wrap. Want to watch something while we eat?”

Heero looked at him blandly. “I said I wasn't hungry.”

“C'mon Heero, you've practically wasted away to nothing. Let a guy feed his starving friend, alright?”

The other man gave a long-suffering sigh. “Fine.”

Duo grinned. The microwave beeped, and he took out the steaming wraps, and added a stripe of ranch dressing before wrapping them up. He poured a glass of juice for Heero, and grabbed himself a soda. He settled down to watch television, setting the channel to a good mystery show he'd been watching recently. For the moment, the crisis had been avoided. At this moment, he could pretend nothing had changed. He could be happy.

Chapter 2

**Tuesday, March 18 th, AC 204**

Heero woke alone. For the second day in a row, he was without obligation; without work. He was also content, physically at least. Usually waking up alone meant waking up in an alley somewhere with no food, no drugs, and barely enough willpower to drag himself off to work.

Those had been the bad days. It was hard to eat if he didn't work, but hard to get work if he didn't eat, or have clean clothes. Dirty whores were cheap whores; no one was going to pay very much for someone who smelled like garbage.

Drugs had never been hard to come by. He had a few different dealers, all of whom were interested in alternative forms of payment. Sometimes they let him clean his clothes and take showers there, for a little extra. Or sometimes he'd even washed his hair and gotten a sponge bath at the laundromat. If he had to, he visited shelters, but he'd avoided them in the past because of the paper trail.

The drugs helped with the pain. Some days he couldn't deal with what he'd lost, or what he'd become. Those were the days he didn't remember; when he'd gotten so fucked up that there was nothing left.

He had tried to explain to Duo that he couldn't quit, but he knew that Duo didn't understand. All the pilots remembered him from the war – goal oriented, mission-obsessed, self-sacrificing and iron willed – that was what they thought he was. That was their Heero Yuy. They just didn't know that it had all been a lie.

He hadn't become a drug addict when he couldn't cope with the peace. Rather, he'd been unable to cope with peace because he was addicted to a very special drug, a drug he had been unable to find since shortly before the war's end.

There had been a lot of experiments with Heero's training. The Barton Foundation had certain expectations, expectations that had proved impossible to meet through mere self-discipline. They hadn't wanted a human; they'd wanted a killer, a soldier. A machine. Though he'd tried, J was unable to remove emotions from Heero. He still felt too much; cared too much. He jeopardized the mission and everything they had worked for.

Every pilot had been modified to a certain degree. Too much had been at stake to be revealed during capture, so the doctors had altered them to be almost torture-proof. They had been given faster metabolisms, tolerances to a great deal of drugs and high pain thresholds. Each professor had also developed a cocktail mix of drugs for them to use in emergency situations; a patch to keep them going when they could not afford to stop and rest. Against warnings from the others, J developed his even further.

Heero had been given the patch not as an emergency supplement, but as a daily staple. Mood stabilizers, adrenaline, testosterone, drugs to improve concentration and stamina, and self-preservation inhibitors. Everything they thought they knew about him was the way the drug had made him. He'd been the drug since he was eight years old.

When his supply suddenly stopped, he hadn't been worried. No one had expected to survive the end. Only after the war was officially over did he begin to loose it. Seven years of repressed emotions came rushing out of him, plus all the usual problems of withdrawal and dependency formed by any drug. Compared to that, he'd hardly even noticed his growing post-traumatic stress. 

He'd tried to keep it together, for the others. When his supply ran low, he'd been looking for something to replace it. He'd even tried duplicating it at first, but J had never given him the formula, and he lacked the equipment to properly analyze what he had left.

At first he'd been able to get by with a mix of anti-depressants, (at an ungodly high dose,) along with smoking marijuana regularly, to keep himself as calm as possible. Throughout all this, he struggled with self-identity, having lost all the purpose he'd ever had. Who was he, without the drug? What was he, without a war? He didn't know.

Living with Duo had been a mixed blessing. He knew it wasn't safe living on his own – it would have been far too easy to convince himself that he had no further reason for living. But Duo brought him a great deal of stress. They were best friends – Heero trusted him like he trusted no one else. He loved Duo, or at least, he thought he did. Like everything else he hadn't experienced before, this only made things more confusing. He had never had to come to terms with his sexuality before. For that matter, he had no idea if he should pursue his feelings, or it he should leave everything alone, and not risk ruining their friendship with romance. Without Duo he had no one.

When Relena and Une had urged him to join Preventers, he thought he'd found an answer. If he became a soldier again, he would have purpose and motivation. He buried himself in his work, dodging drug screenings and psychiatric evaluations, sometimes altering the records to show he'd already taken them. He pursued harder drugs to keep himself under control, to deal with the stress of his job and try to keep up the image everyone expected of him. His life teetered on the edge of a cliff, and he was sliding towards disaster.

Then Duo had said those words. Three small, innocent words. He didn't know why he'd lost his temper. Those words broke his balance – they showed him that what he thought had mattered, didn't. That the world, the life had built for himself was a broken, hollow shell. It was all too much for him to handle. Proud perfect Heero Yuy ran away.

He'd lost everything when he'd walked away. His friends, his family, most likely his only chance for a relationship. He'd tried to fill the emptiness with more drugs and ended up loosing even more. His pride, his dignity, and his virginity. All of it was gone, and he was no closer to knowing who he was then before.

Heero scowled. 

Dwelling on all of this wasn't going to make anything better. He was alive, and for better or worse, he was back with Duo. He had no idea what day it was, but the wall clock said 3:45. Yesterday Duo hadn't gotten home until almost 7. That meant he had more then three hours to kill. Three hours of nothing.

For lack of anything better to do, he got up. He stood blearily, shuffled over to the shower, and washed. Then he dried off and got out his bag, sifting through his clothes for something to wear. They were all clean now, but hardly better then rags. At least they fit him; he hated the nasty mix of feelings he got when he wore Duo's clothes. 

Then his hand met plastic, and his ears caught the sound of pills rattling. He pulled out the bottle and and stared at the label. It was a prescription for methadone, and it was half-empty. The dosage was insane; almost 200mg recommended up to 3x a day. It had five refills.

He stared at the bottle for a moment. If he had this, he must have had either stolen it, or been in a clinic and had it prescribed. The bottle had his street name on it; Yamato Saito. He stared at it, not quite believing what he was seeing. Methadone was worth a fortune, especially for heroin addicts. And he had a _prescription_!

He took two. Why he had gone and gotten a prescription was beyond him. People could track you through the system, even under a false name. Well, no harm now. Even if anyone was still looking for him, which he doubted, he was living with Duo now. As for taking the pills, well, the bottle had his name on it. Sort of.

After making sure the lid was tightly closed, he stuffed the pills back into his bag. He was just about the push the bag back under the futon when he heard a phone ring. It was coming from his bag. A phone, and a prescription. Apparently he'd really wanted someone to find him.

It was a cheap prepaid phone. Normally considered safe for people on the run, he knew someone with Duo's skills could have traced it. He didn't recognize the number, but then, he also didn't remember buying a phone.

“Hello?” He tried his best to sound pleasant, but his voice was gravel.

“Bad day Yamato? You sound like you need a trip.”

“...Cornelius?” He vaguely recognized the voice of one of his drug dealers.

“Who'd ya think it was?” Cornelius drawled. Heero heard him snapping his gum in the background. “Hey, you want some work?”

Heero sat down. Anything Cornelius set up was likely to be more of an endurance then actual work. Everyone at his parties was always so high that they didn't know what was going on. But they paid well, and of course, the drugs were good. And he wanted a hit.

“It's not tonight is it? I don't...know what happened, but I lost most of my things. I don't have anything I could work in.”

“Nah, it's not till Friday. Don't worry bout the clothes, you left a couple outfits here. I got the afternoon free if you wanna come get 'em.”

And get laid. Cornelius never called him over unless he wanted some. He could go over and take what Cornelius offered...or he could stay here, and be bored out of his mind.

“Yeah, I'll be over in a bit. Have to catch a cab – I'm staying with a friend.”

“A'ight. I'll be waiting.”

“Bye.” He hung up the phone and put it in his pocket.

Since this was technically a job, even if he wasn't getting cash, Heero put makeup on. Nothing fancy; just some foundation, blue eyeshadow, and a little eyeliner. His hair was unmanageable, as usual, so he pulled it back. He really needed a haircut. 

The only clothes he had that were in even passable shape were an slim-fitting olive green t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. They weren't up to the normal par for work clothes, but Cornelius wouldn't care. It never occurred to him how amazed Duo would have been to see him appraising himself in the mirror, trying to be presentable.

He remembered to leave Duo a note. It didn't say much, just that he was going out, and the number for the pre-paid phone That felt weird. He wasn't used to giving anyone a reason to find him.

Even though he didn't have a key, Heero locked the door behind him. Duo would have one, and he didn't anticipate getting back before Duo did. If he did, he could always sit on the step and smoke till Duo came home, or pick the lock if he really needed to get in.

There had been a small roll of twenties in his bag, probably set aside for drugs. Though why he'd want anything else when he had that much methadone, he wasn't really sure. He hailed a taxi, and gave the man Cornelius' address. It wasn't a long ride; Duo lived on the edge of the good part of town, and Cornelius' place was in a relatively respectable part of the bad part of town, if it could be called that. He gave the driver two twenties and let him keep the change, even though it was almost twice the fare. Tipping well usually ensured that taxi drivers wouldn't remember what whore they took where if the police came asking.

Cornelius had a pretty nice place. His was the ground level floor of a three-story building, and he rented out the two levels above. That gave him an excuse for the otherwise unexplainable source of income he received. 

The door had a grille across it, and an intercom. It was standard security in the worst parts of the city, and wasn't overly uncommon in this district. Rather then using the intercom, Heero called Cornelius on his phone. Anyone who was actually there to see anyone in the building did the same, that way the occupants knew that if someone was actually buzzing in, it was probably the cops.

“Yeah, I'm coming.” Cornelius said, and hung up before he could reply.

Each of the multiple locks on the other side clicked as he opened them before the door swung open and the grille was pushed back. Cornelius was looking at him, tall and blonde and beautiful. He was also a total bastard if you got on his bad side, or owed him money. Heero never let Cornelius' looks get in the way of the job. He wasn't here to be friendly, just to get his clothes and give his dealer what he wanted so they could part ways.

He ignored the hand Cornelius offered him, and walked inside. He didn't wait for the other man to finish locking back up before strolling through the small hallway into the apartment. It smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, with an underlying whiff of pot smoke. The furnishings were nice, Heero noted in passing. It seemed his dealer had been redecorating.

There wasn't much point in staying out in any of the main rooms. It would be more comfortable on Cornelius' huge bed, and if he stayed out here, they might never make it in there. Cornelius was impatient at the best of times. 

The bedroom door was open and the bedside lamp turned on. There was a bag by the end of the bed with clothes in it; a quick perusal revealed some of Heero's more expensive work outfits. He was glad he'd left them here; he only had a little cash, and getting more would be harder without them.

Rough hands encircled his waist, the smell of Cornelius' expensive cologne drifted towards him. “I've missed you.” His dealer said huskily.

“I'm sure.” He tried not to flinch as those hands slipped up under his shirt.

“I can give you something, if it'll help.”

“I took something already, it'll kick in soon.” He tried not to sound so fatalistic about it.

Cornelius chuckled into his hair. “You're more fun when you're high.”

“Then I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself.” Heero muttered. He could feel the methadone starting to kick in, his muscles relaxing. Soon his inhibitions would drop, and he would do whatever Cornelius wanted him to. And if he was lucky, he wouldn't even remember it.

~~~

Heero came to slowly; his eyes were crusty and his mouth was dry. Everything on his left side was numb, he must have been laying on it wrong. He saw movement out of the corner of his eye, and looked up to see Cornelius coming around to his side of the bed, freshly showered with only a pair of jeans on.

“How long was I out?” He asked, sitting up stiffly.

“Couple of hours.”

“Great.” He was late for dinner. Duo would have a fit.

“Got somewhere you need to be?” Cornelius almost sounded interested.

“My roommate is going to be pissed.” He explained, looking around for his clothes.

“Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?”

“I'm sure.”

“Hm.” Cornelius mused, pulling some bills out of his pocket. “Here.”

Heero stared at him in puzzlement, but took the two hundred-dollar bills. He hadn't been expecting Cornelius to pay him, especially not in cash. His dealer smirked at the look on his face.

“You don't remember? We had some...company.”

He hadn't remembered, until Cornelius had said something. His numbed brain offered up hazy images of a woman with an obviously fake blonde wig and bright red lipstick. Cornelius must be branching out; he usually didn't do it with women. He brushed those thoughts away before his drug-fogged mind could recall anything else.

“Can I use your shower?”

“Yeah, go ahead. I've some more customers coming along, so I'll see you later.”

“Thanks.” He said, and tucked the money into the pocket of his jeans that he found laying on the floor.

“I'll call you Thursday with the place and time.”

“What? Oh, yeah.” The party. Well, it would be good money, and with how well the methadone had worked today, he wouldn't have to worry about acquiring extra drugs for the occasion.

Cornelius walked out, lighting a cigarette on his way. Heero slid out of bed and gathered his clothes and the bag full of work things and headed into the bathroom. Like the rest of the place, his dealer's bathroom was nicely decorated. It seemed Cornelius watched the home decorating channel for people who don't want to look like drug dealers.

He felt a lot better after he was clean, as long as he didn't think about anything too much. He got dressed in his t-shirt and jeans again, and headed out of the apartment. Cornelius was busy selling some contraband to several people in his living room and didn't even look up at him as he passed. None of them was the blonde haired woman, for which Heero was eternally grateful. A blue-haired girl he didn't know let him out, and he hailed another taxi from the street corner.

When he got back to Duo's place, he saw Duo's truck there, and the lights were on inside. Even though he'd only been back for two days, he felt strangely guilty for not being there when Duo got home. There wasn't any logical reason; it wasn't like they'd had plans. Then again, Duo had probably been surprised that he wasn't there. Maybe he'd even worried that Heero had run off again. He hurried to the door.

Duo was inside on the couch, playing some co-operative game and screaming profanities as he gunned down his opponents. There were open Chinese food containers on the counter, and a half-finished plate by Duo's feet.

Heero went over to the couch and pushed the bag of clothes under it, to join the bag he already had. He watched Duo play for a few moments, not wanting to interrupt his match. He didn't recognize the game, but he knew the type. Join a team, run around with various weapons, and slaughter as many people as possible. Apparently the profanity was also a required part of the game, if he could judge by what the other players were saying.

The match ended with Duo ranking most valuable player, with over three hundred kills. Heero wasn't sure, but that seemed to be a good score. Duo was certainly grinning when he looked up from the console.

“Wanna play?”

He had often down such offers before, not liking to compete and be judged by people he didn't know or couldn't see. But Duo looked so happy to see him, he couldn't say no. Wanting to beat Duo's score had nothing to do with it, of course.

“Alright.”

And when Duo smiled again, he knew he'd finally done the right thing.

Chapter 3

**Thursday, March 20 h, AC 204**

Duo knew it should bother him that Heero had been gone all night last night, and all afternoon the day before, but he didn't care. Even though he knew what Heero had been doing (if he couldn't have guessed, Heero's guilty expression had given it away,) it didn't bother him the way he thought it probably should. Part of it could be that his brain really couldn't connect what he knew of Heero with the concept of working the corner. It might also have been that he'd been friends with plenty of prostitutes growing up, and hadn't thought less of any of them for it. Life was hard on the streets; you made ends meet however you could.

What did bother him was that he really didn't think that Heero was okay with the entire thing. The boy he knew from the war wouldn't have ever considered selling himself for money. Jumping out of buildings, blowing himself up for the cause, yes. But for personal gain? Heero hadn't had a concept of 'personal gain.' He had also been completely clueless when it came to interpersonal relations; especially if they were sexual in nature. If doing this was bothering Heero, Duo wanted to help him find a way out. Surely there was something else Heero could do that didn't involve either killing anyone or giving himself away.

Then again, how could he know whether it was bothering Heero or not? The Heero he thought he knew was not the same as the Heero living with him now. Duo claimed to be Heero's best friend, but since Heero had returned, Duo had realized that he actually didn't know Heero at all. Heero laughed easier now, but he also brooded and sulked more, got high and slept around. If Duo didn't know Heero was the same person, he never would have believed it. During the war Heero had been about as sexual as a slab of concrete. This morning, Heero had come _sauntering_ in as Duo was getting ready to leave, wearing very low cut, slim fitting leather pants and a half-buttoned red silk shirt. He'd tried not to stare, really, he had, but it was somewhat of a shock.

In short, Duo had a lot of catching up to do. He didn't know what Heero liked or disliked, what he did in his free time or what he talked about. He had no way to predict Heero's behavior, or know what he would be able to talk Heero into doing, or not doing. Did he still value his life, or was he going to try to throw it away again? Did their friendship still mean something? Was...was Heero going to leave him again? He didn't like not having answers for those kinds of questions.

Still, he had learned a few things, and Heero had only been back for five days. He knew Heero still liked video games, though he had been surprised when Heero joined in for a co-op mission the other night and managed to use more colorful language then Duo had. He still had to fight Heero to get him to eat anything; even with how much weight Heero had lost, he was as uninterested in food as always. He knew that Heero liked to smoke, and he hadn't turned down Duo's offer of beer with their meals. That actually made Duo happy – he'd gotten sick of Heero harping on his smoking all the time, and if Heero liked to drink, maybe Duo could persuade him to go clubbing. He didn't really have anyone to go drinking with, unless Quatre was in town.

Thoughts of Heero kept his mind busy as he headed to work. Duo had bought into a shipping and installation business about four years ago, once he'd finally realized that Heero wasn't coming back. The business had been small at first, but through Wufei, he had been able to get some major contracts from the Preventers, and the business had grown. They had four full-time delivery drivers, and were in the process of hiring two more. 

Demetri, the other owner, took care of all of the legal side of the business; he liked paperwork and numbers, and was good at it. Duo handled all their high end clients, and did most of the liaison work for the Preventers. They got along well as partners, and had been dating on and off for the last four years.

Today he had a major delivery for the Preventers. Last night, he and one of the other drivers had loaded everything onto the big semi they used for Preventers' deliveries, but it would still take most of the day to get everything unloaded and ready for installation. Wufei and Duo had helped re-design the training facilities, and Duo was in the process of building them. He didn't actually have to do everything himself; Preventers had their own mechanics who handled most of the grunt work. Duo made sure they installed everything according to plan and set up the more advanced parts of the training program himself.

After unloading for most of the morning, Duo was able to take lunch around one o'clock. Actually, he could have taken lunch whenever he wanted, but since the rest of his crew didn't get to eat until one, that's when he went to lunch as well. After making sure everything was turned off and safely put away for the afternoon shift; he headed up to Wufei's office, which took up a decent part of the third floor.

Wufei often griped about having to do so much paperwork, and also made comments about how he didn't need a secretary (of which he had two,) or such lavish office space. He wasn't fooling anyone. After the Maremia incident, Wufei had changed. He pursued more non-violent solutions to problems, and devoted himself more to his martial arts then weapons and machinery. He still believed in fighting to protect those who otherwise could not defend themselves, but he tried very hard to avoid killing anyone while doing so. 

He had opened a local dojo recently, and taught his students self-discipline, and to only use their art to protect themselves and others. Une had pulled him from the field after that, moving him to a training position instead. The trainees may not have appreciated her decision, but they were more ready for battle with Wufei as their teacher then they had ever been before. And on the rare occasions that Wufei did go out into the field, he reminded everyone why he was one of the highest ranking Preventers officers.

Wufei was at his desk, as expected, frowning over paperwork. He was kneading his forehead absentmindedly, peering at the documents through slim oval glasses. Duo had only made the mistake of making fun of his glasses once; Wufei had punched him so hard he'd broken his nose. He'd apologized afterwords, but had refused to tell Duo why it pissed him off so much. Duo still didn't know why he'd done it, but he'd left the issue of glasses alone after that.

“Hey Fei, wanna get some lunch?”

Wufei glanced up at him, his eyes narrowing at the use of his pet name, but he sighed and put down his papers. “I'd love to.” He took his glasses off and set them carefully beside his keyboard, stretched, and stood up.

“You work too hard Wufei.”

Wufei snorted. “Sometimes I miss just blowing things up without having to fill out six different forms first.”

“You and me both buddy.”

“It's good to see you, Duo.” Wufei took his jacket off the back of his chair and headed for the door. “The cafe?”

“Of course.” They always ate at the same cafe, about three blocks down from the Preventers building. It was small and quiet, and the staff respected their privacy. That, and the fact that it had some of the best food around made it one of Duo's favorite restaurants.

They walked out together in companionable silence, exchanging pleasantries with other members of Preventers who were also going to lunch. Duo suppressed his natural urge to chatter – he'd learned just how much it irritated Wufei, and he tried very hard to stay on the other man's good side. He had few enough really close friends without loosing another because of his big mouth. Wufei had responded to this gesture of goodwill by working on his temper, and attempting to be a little more open about the kinds of things Duo liked to talk about. Maybe they would never be best friends, but they understood each other.

Once they were outside, Wufei started to loosen up a bit. They talked about trivial things; Wufei wouldn't discuss anything personal unless they were in private. Duo told him how the project was progressing and what supplies were still on order; Wufei talked about new ideas for the training program and who they might get to help him teach the training classes.

At the cafe, the waitress recognized them on sight, and led them to their usual booth, secluded in the back of the room for privacy. Even though the cafe was rather full, if they talked quietly no one would overhear them here. After they were seated, the waitress brought them their drinks and confirmed “the usual,” before leaving them alone.

“So, how have you been Duo?” Wufei asked.

“Good, actually.” He couldn't tell Wufei how good, not without Heero's permission. “Things have been better this week.”

“I want you to know, I looked into the case again Duo, but I haven't made much progress.”

He meant Heero, of course. Wufei was the only one still looking into Heero's disappearance, even after Duo had given up hope. He wasn't sure if Wufei saw it as an intellectual problem, or if he was merely concerned with Duo's state of mind. He couldn't imaging Wufei was really trying to find Heero for his own sake; they had never been close.

“It's alright Wufei, I don't expect you to find anything new after all this time.”

“I just wanted you to know.”

“I just...I dunno Wufei. After all this time...I don't think we're going to find him unless he wants us to.”

“What makes you think he doesn't want to be found?”

“What?”

“Heero's the type of person who sticks by his decisions, even if they're not good ones. After choosing to leave, I don't think he'd be able to return unless we find him. And if he wants us to find him, there's bound to be some clue somewhere. I just haven't discovered it yet.”

“That-that's not what you said when he first disappeared.” Duo was shocked at how close Wufei had come to the truth. If Heero hadn't had a flashback, he probably never would have shown up at Duo's door. But if he was right about that, did that mean Heero had been leaving them signs all along, and they'd just missed them? He'd have to ask Heero later.

“Perhaps I've matured? I didn't want to give you false hope in the beginning. I still haven't found much. I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten about it. I know...how much he meant to you.”

Duo didn't really know what to say to that. Before he could stammer out something, the waitress brought their food. For Wufei; a crisp Mandarin chicken salad, and for Duo, Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo. By the time they got their food and drinks and settled in to eat, he was able to safely change the topic.

“So, I have a new roommate.”

“Demetri finally move in?” Wufei asked dryly. Wufei didn't like Demetri much.

“No. He's a great guy and all...but I still don't think I'm ready to live with him.”

“Hm.” Wufei speared his lettuce a little too fervently.

“My roommate is a friend I met a while back. Got kicked out of his place, so I told him he could stay with me.” Well, it was true. If you counted a dumpster as 'his place.'

Wufei arched a brow, but didn't comment.

“Well I couldn't just let him sleep behind a dumpster!” Again.

“Does Demetri know he's staying with you?”

“Uh...no.”

“Duo.” Wufei said sternly.

“What, Fei?”

Wufei glared, but would not be sidetracked. “Don't you think your boyfriend would want to know that there's another man living with you? I would.”

The hell? When did Wufei start giving relationship advice? “But he's a _friend_ Wu-”

“A friend who does what for a living again?”

“That has nothing to do with-”

“Something I wouldn't approve of then. And if I wouldn't approve, I doubt Demetri would either.” 

How did he _know_? And why did he care anyways? He didn't even like Demetri. Duo looked away, pushing his pasta around the plate with his fork. “Didn't bring it up so I could get lectured by you.” He mumbled.

“Then why did you bring it up?” Wufei asked honestly.

“Just...trying to let you in on my life.” Duo said. Then he admitted, “I was hoping you might know something more...legal he could do. I'm not really sure he's happy with what he's doing.”

“What am I, an employment agency?” Wufei sighed, rubbing at his forehead again. “I don't know him, so I really can't make an accurate recommendation but...The Velvet Hammer is hiring.”

“The strip club downtown? Wait-why do _you_ know that a gay club is-”

Wufei's very pointed glare made him close his mouth.

“It's not the most dignified job in the world, but it's legal. Without knowing your friend, that's really all I can offer. I'm assuming waiting tables or fast food jobs are out?”

Duo shook his head. “I don't think he could put up with that.”

Wufei shrugged. “Maybe Quatre would have some ideas. He frequents those sorts of establishments more then I do.”

That led them into conversation about Quatre and their other friends. Duo mentioned Quatre had promised an informal visit sometime this month, while Wufei told him how Quatre had handled the latest charity banquets and press conferences. Sally wanted them to come over for Thanksgiving, Quatre was already planning Christmas, and Une had threatened them with a Preventers' New Year celebration.

As they were getting ready to leave, Wufei casually said, “Zechs asked me to go to dinner tomorrow.” He left his tip, and tried to get up. Duo grabbed his sleeve and dragged him back down to the table. 

“He _what?_ Zechs? Zechs Merquise asked you to dinner?”

“Yes.” Wufei replied stiffly.

“And?”

Wufei looked away; Duo could have sworn he was blushing. “C'mon Wufei, you brought it up. You can't just say that and then not tell me.” Duo hissed. Wufei always did this. He wanted Duo to know, but for some reason he couldn't actually bring himself to tell Duo unless it was dragged out of him.

“I...said yes.”

“No shit.” This was amazing. Wufei was going on a date. With _Zechs_. “Where's he taking you?”

“The Silver Dragon.” Wufei mumbled.

“Lucky bastard. I've been trying to get Quatre to get us a table there for months.”

Wufei shrugged. “Apparently the cuisine is very authentic. Zechs thought I might like it.”

“I knew you were seeing someone Wufei, but shit. I didn't know you were into blondes.”

“Sally was blonde.” Wufei said defensively.

“No offense to Sally buddy, but her and Zechs are in entirely different leagues. Besides, you guys didn't stay together anyways.”

“I think,” said Wufei coolly, “That I don't need to hear any more of your opinions right now.”

“But-”

“No.”

“But Feiiiiii...”

“I have work to do, Duo.”

Ouch. That was Wufei's way of saying, 'Duo, if you don't shut up right now I'm really going to get pissed at you.' It had taken a while, but Duo had learned not to press Wufei. Not unless he didn't want to talk to him for the next three weeks. And if Wufei was going to dinner tomorrow, Duo definitely wanted to hear about it.

“Sorry.”

Wufei got up from the table, and this time Duo let him go. He shook his head. Just when you thought you knew a guy – he'd been so sure Wufei was straight, too!

They walked back to the Preventers building together in easy silence. Well, Wufei was avoiding looking at him; probably out of embarrassment, and Duo's mind was running a mile a minute. But there wasn't any tension, at least.

They stopped at the elevator to Wufei's office. “It was good to talk with you Duo. I look forward to seeing the training center finished.” Aah. Back in the building, back to business.

“I'll finish it as soon as I can. I can't wait to see you grill the new recruits.”

“I will. And Duo...thank you, for understanding.”

“What? Oh, sure. It doesn't bother me. I'm still kinda in shock, but hey, I hope you have fun.”

“Thank you.”

The elevator opened, and Wufei stepped in. As the doors closed, he said, “If you're lucky, I might even call you and tell you how it went.” Wufei smirked.

“What? Wufei!” The doors closed in his face. Infuriating bastard! Then his mind caught up with the rest of him. Wufei was going on a date with the Lightning Count, after having been single for almost two years. He had to call Quatre!

Chapter 4

Thursday, March 20h, AC 204

Heero woke to the annoying sound of his phone ringing. He'd always hated phones, and this one had never been changed from its factory default ring. After fishing around in his pockets, still groggy from being woken so sharply, he pulled it out.

“'lo?” He stifled a yawn.

Cornelius chuckled on the other end. “Wake up Yamato. I've got a job for you.”

He sat up a little too fast, and groaned as his back protested the quick motion. 

“It's not going to be that horrible, Yamato.”

“Huh? Oh, sorry. This futon is just uncomfortable.”

“Ouch. Boyfriend exiled you to the couch? What'd you do?”

“He's not my boyfriend Cornelius.”

“Right, right.” Cornelius sounded unconvinced. “Well, I told you I'd call you with the details. The party starts tomorrow at eight. We have the entire upper floor at _The Golden Lotus_. I'll pay you a thousand, and you keep half your tips.”

“Eight hundred, and I keep three-quarters of my tips. You're not going to be stripping for a bunch of old pervs.”

Cornelius laughed. “Fine. But you buy your own drinks.”

“I won't have to. Some deluded old man will buy them for me.”

“You've done these kinds of parties too much.”

“And you've hosted too many. You don't even like old guys.”

“But they're rich.”

Heero sighed. Everything was about money for Cornelius. “I'll be there.”

“And I want you sober, at least until midnight. I don't want some guy dragging you off before everyone gets their money's worth.”

“Fine.” He hung up.

Heero scowled at the phone before throwing it on the coffee table. Then he stretched again, careful of his back. It had never been quite right after the war, but that was hardly surprising, considering everything he had put his body through. What he wanted was to go back to sleep, but that wasn't going to happen. 

A glance at the clock told him it was almost five – Duo would be coming home soon. Duo had left him breakfast again, with strict instructions to eat it or Duo would 'beat his scrawny little ass.' Heero sighed, and gave in, getting up for the day.

It took him an hour to force down his breakfast, take a shower and get dressed. He put on a worn gray tee with an Asian design, and decided that he really needed new clothes. Maybe Duo would go shopping with him.

And now he had nothing to do. He was sorely tempted to take a methadone, but then he'd pass out before Duo got home, and that would pretty much defeat the purpose of even getting up. He looked at the television, but again, what was the point without Duo?

He took his cigarettes and lighter and went outside on the porch to smoke. He sat there, blowing smoke rings and staring at the people walking by. Most of them ignored him, but a few stared back with unfriendly glares. Apparently, even with only a little makeup on, he still looked out of place in this relatively nice neighborhood. Whatever. He wasn't doing anything illegal, for once, so they could all just deal with it.

The silver car coming up the road towards him looked just like every other car going by, so Heero didn't really make note of it. He was actually engaged in a fierce staring match with a tomcat across the street when the car pulled up beside the step. The expensive, tinted window rolled down slowly, and a condescending male voice addressed him.

“I'm sure you're aware that this is private property.”

Heero blinked, and the tom vanished behind a garbage can. Was this person talking to him? He turned to peer at the man through the window. “I'm sorry?”

“If you don't leave, I'm going to have to call the police.” He couldn't see the man's face; the angle was wrong. Unfortunately, his annoying voice carried just fine.

“I live here.” Who did this guy think he was? 

“I don't think so.” He sounded so sure about that.

“I have a key.” He dug it out of his pocket and waved it in the man's face. Duo had given it to him yesterday, after he learned Heero had locked himself out without one.

The man seemed to be getting upset. “Then you obviously stole it.”

“Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm not doing anything illegal by sitting on my own damn porch, so you can just fuck off.”

There was a sort of strangled sound from inside the door, possibly from the man's brain exploding from Heero's use of common vocabulary. The vehicle turned off, and the car door opened. Great. Now he had to look at this pretentious bastard's face. 

Heero had never been particularly fond of calling the authorities in any situation, but maybe if he reported trespassing and harassment, someone would make this jerk go away. He couldn't very well kill the man, and he'd never been good at dealing with people. Especially rich, arrogant pricks. He wished Quatre was here; he'd always been good at shoving the rich background right back in people's faces. No one was as rich as the Winner's, and Quatre had put more then one trust fund brat in their place.

This guy just looked like a yuppie. White cargo pants, expensive buttoned up golf shirt, unnecessarily expensive shoes, belt and wristwatch. Surprisingly, he had a gorgeous face, honey wheat hair neatly trimmed with just enough sideburns for that 'sophisticated' look, sculpted features, and deep blue eyes. He'd probably been spoiled rotten as a child.

“I'm not going to just let you sit here.” He said again, probably trying to sound threatening, but it wasn't really working.

“Why? Because you have nothing better to do then harass people who are poorer then you are?”

The man's face took on this _look_ ; a mixture of anger and horror that he was being addressed so. It was possible no one had ever dared to tell him just howannoying he was. He _definitely_ needed to have a talk with Quatre.

“ _Because_ , this is my boyfriend's apartment, and I really doubt he's okay with you trespassing on his porch.”

Hero had a half-assed retort all ready to shut his sneering mouth, but the words “my boyfriend” took them right out of his mouth. This couldn't be. Surely Duo had better taste then this prick. But if not...what was he supposed to do?

**Duo, Thursday, March 20 h, AC 204, 6:30 pm**

In all honesty, if he'd thought inviting Demetri over to go over some paperwork was going to cause a fight, he'd have suggested they meet somewhere else. Sure, he hadn't told Demetri about Heero staying at the house, but he hadn't thought it would figure into the equation. Heero hardly got out of bed before he got home, and Duo was planning on letting Demetri know before they went inside.

He did not plan to pull into his parking space and interrupt a full-scale freak out session. Demetri was in full bitch-mode, ranting and raving and not really making any sense. Heero was sitting on the porch step, glaring like he wanted to murder Demetri, his hands clenched into the fabric of his jeans. It was hard to tell, but Duo thought Heero might actually be crying.

“What the hell is going on here?” He demanded slamming the door of his truck behind him. “Yamato, are you alright?”

Heero jumped at the use of his street name, and turned to look at Duo. His eyes were ice, and if those were tears in his eyes, they were tears of pure fury. Duo shivered. If this had still been wartime, Demetri, and probably Duo himself, would be dead.

“Duo.” Demetri seemed surprised to see him, or at least surprised that Duo wasn't on his side. Well, he might not know who Heero was, but that didn't give him the right to act like this.

“I'm sorry you had to walk in on this. I told him he needed to leave or I'd call the cops. He's saying all this stuff about staying here. But there's no room in your place – there's no way he's staying here, right?. It's not like you normally hang out with whores.”

“That does it.” Heero snarled. “I'm not going to sit here and listen to his bullshit any more. Have fun with your _boyfriend_ Duo, he's a real dick.” Heero stood and pushed past Demetri, giving his car a vicious kick that sent the alarm wailing.

“Dammit Demetri! He _is_ staying here. He's my friend, and he needed a place to stay.” He called after Heero, “Oi! Yamato, wait up! I'm sorry!”

Duo started after Heero, only to have Demetri grab his sleeve as he tried to run past. “What are you doing Duo? You're honestly telling me you prefer someone like him over me? He's street trash. Just let him go back where he belongs.”

Duo yanked his arm back, and seriously considered giving Demetri the beating he deserved. No one talked about his friends that way, boyfriend or not. He'd known Demetri had never really been exposed to the kind of people he grew up with. He'd grown up rich, and compared to his family he was pretty open and down-to-earth. But that didn't give him the right to treat Heero like shit!

“Yes, I do. He's my friend Demetri, and if you can't accept that, you don't know me half as well as you think you do. Keep your shit to yourself.”

“I'm...sorry...”

“Look-we can talk about it later. For now just; just go away. I don't want to talk to you right now.”

He looked back towards Heero. The other man was almost out of sight already. He might be malnourished, but he still had speed. If he didn't leave now, he'd have to sprint to catch him.

“Look, Duo. I'm sorry if I did something wrong. But you have to admit, he doesn't really look like he belongs here. How was I supposed to know you'd let a junkie-”

“I said, I don't want to talk to you right now! Fuck off!” Duo snapped. 

Ignoring Demetri's protests and hurt voice, he took off after Heero. If he didn't catch up by the time Heero reached downtown, he'd never find him. Last time he'd spent six years searching for Heero. He was not going to loose him again.

\- - -

Duo had run all over town, and there was no sign of Heero anywhere. Duo just didn't know this city, not like Heero did, and not like Duo had once known L-2. Since moving here, Duo had kept his nose clean, worked a legal job and had stayed off the streets except for when he volunteered at the local mission. The few contacts he'd made were mostly children, and none of them knew Heero. He'd tried looking in all the obvious places, but he didn't even know what part of the city Heero worked, or where his dealers lived. When he'd looked for Heero before, he'd never thought to look in the same city. He'd thought for sure Heero had fled to space. He had no contacts, no research, nothing.

Out of desperation, he called Wufei. There was laughter coming from the other end. “Hello? Duo, I told you I'm not saying anything until the date is over.”

“Oh. Right.” He'd forgotten Wufei was going out with Zechs tonight. “I'm sorry I interrupted you. I'll let you get back to it.” He tried to sound positive, but Wufei wasn't fooled.

“Duo, what's wrong?” 

“Ah, it's nothing Wu. Sorry I bothered you.”

“Duo, you can trust me.”

“It's...well, Demetri met Yamato when I wasn't there and things got a little out of hand.”

“Ah.”

“And he can be a real prick some times. He said some stupid things, and Yamato ran off, and now I can't find him. I thought you might have some street contacts I could ask, or something. Anyways, I forgot you were out on a date.” He knew he was rambling, but he really couldn't help it.

“Duo if it's that important to you, Zechs and I can reschedule.”

“No! No, it's okay. I don't want to ruin your night. I'll just keep looking – I'm sure I'll find him.”

“I'll stop by after we're done eating, and if you still haven't found him, I can help.”

“Yeah, sure. That'd be great.” He tried to keep the despair out of his voice.

“If you're sure.”

“Yes. Go have a good time. Goodnight.”

“Good luck, Duo.”

“Thanks.” Duo hung up, and slouched against the cheap brick building behind him.

Without any help, it wasn't likely that he would find Heero tonight. But what else could he do? He'd called Heero's phone about twenty times with no answer. Quatre was still out of town and Trowa; well, Trowa wasn't here, and even if he had been Duo wouldn't have called him. Wufei was the only one here that he trusted enough to ask for help, and he was unavailable. That left...him. He pulled his cross out from under his shirt and held it, whispering a quick prayer. Then he got back to his feet and headed down an alleyway. He had to find Heero. He just had to.

**Heero, Friday, March 20 h, AC 204, 1 a.m.**

His head was spinning. He ran his hands along the brick building he was going past, trying to keep himself upright. Or maybe his body was spinning, and his head was staying still? He stumbled and cracked his head on the bricks. Not still then. Though he didn't feel any pain – he was far too gone for that.

The world blurred. Sometimes he got completely fucked up searching for that magic mix of chemicals that would bring his life back into focus; other times he did it on purpose, seeking the loss of rational thinking, the complete lack of regard for who was doing what with his body. It was...peaceful. Nothing could hurt him when he was like this; not memories or the johns or people who thought they understood him.

Ugh. It was already wearing off, if he was thinking about _that_. There were no physical signs, he still weaved along the pavement hardly knowing up from down. Colors whirling, everything blending together. But once those thoughts started creeping back in, it was over.

Through sheer muscle memory he managed to get back to the apartment. Once there, the lock outwitted him. He'd had the key in his hand, but he couldn't find it now. His eyes were so heavy, his body felt numb. Before he knew it, he was laying on the concrete step; cool gravel digging into his cheek. 

Had he fallen? He couldn't keep his eyes open. Maybe....maybe Duo would be home soon. But no, he'd probably gone off with his bastard boyfriend. Maybe he'd die here on the step...then he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. With these dark thoughts in his mind, he didn't bother to fight the gray fog that slowly filled his vision, until everything turned black.

\- - -

He woke to the sound of someone calling his name. His head felt horrible, and his mouth was dry. His entire body was on fire. Gauging from the amount of disorientation he still felt, he must have gotten really, really fucked up.

“Yuy, are you alright? Can you hear me, Yuy?” The voice was strangely familiar, but not one he immediately recognized.

Someone was kneeling over him. His vision was still blurred from whatever he'd taken, but he could tell the were concern on the person's face. He also knew that person wasn't Duo, so how did they know his name?

“I can...I can hear you.” His words were slurred and difficult to force out.

“Dammit Yuy, what happened?” The voice asked, before it turned away from him. He heard a cellphone opening, then heard the voice again.

“Yes, Duo? He's here, at your place. I found him just laying here. You didn't tell me you were looking for Yuy. Yes, obviously I figured it out. I'm going to get him inside, just get back here. Alright, bye.”

Heero felt his hand being pried open, and the key taken out of his grasp. Apparently he'd had it the entire time. The door squealed as it was opened, and then he was hefted up into the stranger's arms. He gagged, and fought the urge to be violently ill.

“You've lost a lot of weight, Yuy.” The condescending tone in that voice, he'd heard it somewhere before...

“Wu-wufei?” 

“Yes, very good Yuy. Apparently your brains aren't completely scrambled. Maybe there's hope for you yet.” Wufei sounded rather upset.

He must have blacked out after that, because the next thing he knew, he was lying on the futon, and Duo was back. The two of them were having a rather heated discussion about him, actually. He almost said something, but then decided he'd rather know what they had to say about him.

“Why didn't you tell me, Duo? I would have come right away.”

“He didn't give me permission to tell anyone. Besides, you shouldn't have to drop everything just because I'm panicking. How was your date, anyway?”

“Fine. Don't try to side track me. You shouldn't have to get permission from Yuy to do anything.”

“C'mon Wu, he's only been here a week. We agreed to use his street name outside work, until he felt comfortable letting everyone know he was back.”

“Because of his job, or the drugs? I saw his track marks. Some of them are fresh, you know.”

“Yes, because we all know that you've never done any drugs.” Duo said sarcastically.

Wufei was silent. Heero could hear him breathing, his breath becoming slower, more even. Wufei, controlling his anger? He must still be high.

“Wufei...I'm sorry.”

“It's fine Duo. You were entirely correct.”

“Hey, you guys don't need to fight over me.” Heero finally interjected, struggling to sit up.

“You're awake! How are you feeling?” Duo jumped out of his chair and ran over to him, hovering over him.

“I'm fine.”

Wufei looked skeptical, coming over and peering at his eyes. He lifted each of Heero's lids, looking for the contraction of his pupils. He didn't seem very convinced.

“Yes, I'm still high Chang.”

“But you're feeling better right? Wufei said you collapsed; you would have cracked your skull open if he hadn't caught you.” Duo asked anxiously.

“Yes, I'm feeling better. You caught me Wufei? I don't remember.”

“I'm not surprised,” Wufei said, “You weren't very lucid. What happened?”

Heero looked away. “What happened tonight? Or what the hell happened to the guy you used to know?” He asked bitterly.

“Whichever you'd prefer.”

“Speaking of that,” Duo interrupted, “How did you know it was Heero? He couldn't have been aware enough to talk to you.”

“He's lost weight, and his hair has grown, but the underlying bone structure is the same. I never claimed to know Yuy that well, so unlike you, who lived with him, I'm not all that thrown off by his behavior.”

Heero wasn't sure whether to be insulted or not. “As to your earlier question, Duo's boyfriend is an asshole. That's what happened.”

“I told you to say something to him.” Wufei chided Duo, who's face darkened.

“How was I supposed to know he was going to act like a two year old? He's normally a really nice guy. And I was going to tell him about Heero over dinner. Casually.”

“And that worked out well.” Heero muttered, wishing he had more cigarettes.

“I told him to fuck off, okay?” Duo said defensively. “Sure he can be a great guy sometimes. But no one talks about my friends that way, and no one gets between us. You guys are like family.”

Wufei nodded grimly. “Duo's right. I don't know why you've been gone so long, but if Duo's okay with you being back, so am I. If you need anything, I'll help as much as I can.”

“Thank you.” 

Heero was amazed. Wufei had really matured while he'd been gone. The old Wufei probably would have lectured him longer then Demetri had, followed by a beating to 'help him come to his senses.' Still, he wasn't going to get off the hook that easily – Wufei had a dangerous look in his eye. Clearly, he had a few things to say to Heero when Duo wasn't around. Heero respected that, and made a note to face whatever Wufei had planned.

“Well, unlike you two, I had plans this evening, so if you don't mind, I'll be heading out now.” Wufei said abruptly, standing to go.

Duo looked guilty. “I'm really sorry you had to leave to come help me Wufei.”

“Don't worry about it. Just don't harp for details tomorrow, because you won't get them.”

“You mean you're still going-” Duo started in eagerly, then composed himself. “I mean...I'll see you at work Wufei. Have a nice night.”

“Goodnight Duo, Heero.” Wufei closed the door softly behind him.

There was silence in the house. Heero wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say. His behavior had been less then admirable today. He was still trying to decide whether to apologize or not when Duo let out a huge sigh.

“Well...that wasn't how I was planning on spending my night.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, you came back. That makes it all worth it. I'm sorry my boyfriend's a dick.”

“As long as he doesn't treat you like that.”

Duo grinned and scratched his head. “Well, if he did, I'd probably punch him. But enough about him, I'm hungry. You want something to eat?”

Avoidance. That had always been Duo's strategy. Well, if he didn't want to talk about it, it wasn't really Heero's place to try to get it out of him. Food was always a good distraction for Duo, and even if Heero wasn't interested, he was the one responsible for ruining Duo's night. He owed him that much.

“Ah...sure.”

That was enough for Duo. He was up out of his chair and off to the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans, ingredients and a cutting board. Generally not a good sign – the more upset Duo was, the larger and more elaborate meal he prepared. At least, that had been true six years ago. Maybe now a meal was just a meal...but he really didn't think so. He watched Duo cook for a while before he got the nerve up to interrupt.

“So, ah, before everything that happened today, I was going to ask you to go shopping with me. I don't really have any clothes or anything...”

Duo paused in chopping an onion to stare at Heero. “Shopping?”

“Yeah. I thought you liked to go shopping. You and Quatre always did, before.”

“Uh, yeah, I like to shop. Or rather, I like spending Quatre's money. But I thought you hated shopping.”

“I'm not going to let you pick out clothes without me. You don't know my sizes any more. And well...shopping's not so bad.”

Duo turned back to his chopping with a shake of his head. Apparently he was still adjusting. Perhaps this hadn't been the best time to reveal an interest in things that he used to avoid.

“Well, when did you want to go?”

“I have a party tomorrow at eight, so I wanted to go tonight, since you have to work tomorrow. I guess it's a bit late now.”

“Yeah, the mall's not really open at two in the morning. But hey, I'm not going in to work tomorrow anyways. They have plenty of stuff to work on without me, and I don't think I really want to talk to Demetri right now. So we can go in the early afternoon, that is, if you think you can get up by then.”

“Says the guy who's making dinner at two am.”

“Hey, it's always a good time for pasta. Especially when I make it.”

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't pasta the only thing you can cook?”

“Hey! I can learn other things.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I can!”

The rest of the evening passed fairly quickly. Duo made him eat a huge plate of pasta, and even though it tasted just like everything else did, Heero did his best to made Duo feel appreciated. After dinner, Duo put in an old movie and insisted on making fun of it the entire way through. At first, Heero was annoyed, but after a while he started to appreciate Duo's dry humor, and even tried to crack a few jokes of his own. 

He lay on his make-shift bed afterwords, thinking about the day. It had been a stupid move to run off, he realized that now. Just because he had a hard time with conflict didn't give him the excuse to run away from it. He had to trust Duo more from now on. Even if he was still wary of involving Duo in his life, it was obvious that he was part of it anyway. He certainly didn't want to be responsible for making Duo spend all night looking for him again. As he shut his eyes, he found himself looking forward to tomorrow, and being with Duo. It was something he had missed, without realizing it. Maybe...maybe things were going to work out after all. 

Chapter 5

**Friday, March 21 st, AC 204, 4:30 pm**

“I never, ever thought I'd be doing this with you.” Duo observed, as he thumbed through racks of clothes.

“Why not?” Heero asked, completely unaware of how strange he looked with clothes hanging from his jeans on hangers, ready to be tried on.

“Uh...well you weren't exactly _social,_ you know?” Duo held a shirt up for Heero's approval.

Heero shook his head, and Duo put it back. “I suppose. But did we really have time to go shopping before? I mean, we were sort of busy fighting a war, and putting our faces on lots of shopping mall security cameras wasn't exactly ideal.”

“I suppose, but when we were masquerading as high school students, a little more civilian interaction would have been nice.”

“And you're saying you wouldn't have found it disturbing if I'd wanted to go shopping with you?”

Duo thought about Heero, still in his spandex and top combo, wielding his Glock and asking in a monotone voice about shopping. “Yeah, that would have been weird. But we lived together for two years, and you always let me buy your clothes for you.”

Heero finally took one of Duo's suggestions and added it to his belt. “I wasn't...really doing so well at that point. Yeah, I'm screwed up now, but I've admitted it, and I'm dealing. I was still in denial back then.”

Duo looked up at Heero's sudden change in tone. He'd lost some of the playful banter, and sounded sad. Heero still wouldn't tell him anything about what had really been going on six years ago. Duo knew what had happened from his end, of course, but he had no idea what Heero had really been going through. They hadn't mentioned their argument at all until now, and Heero didn't look like he wanted to talk further. One thing was clear though; Heero had evidently been under a lot of stress six years ago. Close to the breaking point, apparently, and none of them had noticed, not Quatre with his empathy, not even him.

“What about this one?” He said, simply to break the mood, and pulled out the first thing his hands touched. It turned out to be a silky blue shirt with a glittery tribal pattern on it.

Heero looked at it a moment and said, “That might go with those pants I got.”

“...You like it?” Duo couldn't believe it. Black and green were Heero colors. Red was pushing it. But turquoise blue? Who was this man?

“Don't you think it'd look nice? Blue goes with my eyes.” Heero said seriously.

“Uh...yes. You'll have to try it on...I don't think this is your size.”

“Small, usually, or extra small. I usually get small though – makes me look skinny but not too sickly. I probably need to gain some weight.”

Said the twig. “Yeah, you weight what? 95 pounds wet?”

“At least 97.” Heero was smirking at him. “I think this is probably enough.”

Heero transferred his clothes from his belt to the cart, and they headed over to the changing rooms. Just like in all the other stores they'd been to today, Heero took everything in with him and refused to let Duo see anything until he'd made up his mind.

Twenty minutes later, he presented Duo with three graphic tees in red, black and white, along with several pairs of designer jeans. Then he came out in a pair of slim fitting white pants and the blue shirt Duo had unwittingly picked out. 

He looked..stunning. It wasn't a look Duo thought Heero would ever like, much less pull off. He was beautiful – feminine, but also masculine. No matter how skinny Heero got, he still had broad shoulders and well refined collarbones, and that very masculine jaw. But he didn't look awkward in the clothes – they fit him perfectly. It was amazing and disturbing at the same time.

“Wow. You look good in that.”

“I know.” Heero was smirking at him again. He changed back into his regular clothes and they headed to the checkout.

Once everything had been rung up, the bill was rather excessive. Duo actually winced at the price, but Heero didn't seemed fazed at all. He pulled out a large roll of bills from his pocket, and paid for the entire thing in cash. The cashier looked stunned, and Duo was surprised himself. Heero was loaded, apparently.

“What?” Heero asked, as they walked back to Duo's truck.

“Oh, nothing. I didn't know you had so much...cash.”

Heero snorted. “You know, I do work for a living.”

“I know.” He said defensively. 

“You just didn't know I made so much.”

“Eh...”

“I charge a lot, okay?” Heero looked at him, and while he was obviously still trying to keep the mood light, there was a moody look in his eye. He was obviously uncomfortable discussing the details of his job with Duo.

“So, did you want to go get something to eat?”

Heero hesitated, and looked at his watch. “I have to get ready for tonight. I have a party at eight.”

Duo also looked at his watch. “But it's only five thirty.”

Heero gave him a withering stare. “You've obviously never been to this kind of party.”

Actually, Duo had been to several of 'those' kinds of parties, but he hadn't known that the party that Heero was going to was going to be one of them. He felt vaguely uneasy at letting Heero go alone, but shrugged it off as none of his business, which it certainly wasn't. He helped Heero put his things into his truck, and they headed back to Duo's apartment.

Heero was quiet for most of the ride back, staring out the window. Duo watched him, and wondered if he'd managed to loose some of the ground they had managed to rebuild between them. He tried not to stare at Heero's track marks, but it was difficult when Heero still scratched at them absently. Most of them were faded and old, but a few were darker; probably from yesterday's wonderful escapade. Duo couldn't help feeling that the whole thing was his fault, but didn't know how to bring it up to apologize without pissing Heero off more.

“Why do you put up with him?” Heero asked suddenly, still staring out the window.

“What?”

“That prick of a boyfriend you have. I don't see you putting up with his shit.”

Duo sighed. “He's not usually like that Heero.”

“Really.”

“I'm serious Heero. We've been together, on and off, for a while. He's usually very sweet; brings me flowers and everything.”

“Flowers?” Heero didn't bother hiding the disdain in his voice.

“Just because I'm not a fag doesn't mean I don't enjoy getting flowers every now and then.” Duo said irritably. “At least he tries to connect with me. We're not...we don't really have a lot in common, but he likes me, and he tries to be there for me, even when he doesn't understand. I'm pretty fucked up you know – I'm a lot worse then he ever is.”

Heero looked at him, his blue eyes puzzled. Duo thought he detected a flash of hurt in them as well, but it passed too quickly for him to be sure. “He doesn't know, does he.”

It figured Heero would pick up on that. “No, he doesn't know who I am. I couldn't hide it completely, so I threw him a bone about being in the Sweepers, and seeing a little action. I had to tell him something since we have so many contracts for the Preventers. So, when he saw you yesterday, he wasn't thinking that you might be someone I knew from...before, because he doesn't know.”

“But why? That's all part of you, Duo.” There was definitely hurt in Heero's eyes now.

“Yeah? Well maybe I like having someone like me for me, not because I'm famous, or because I saved everyone's asses and they have to be nice to me, even if I am a psychotic bastard. You can understand that, can't you?”

“...Yes.” Heero turned away again, his shoulders stiff and defensive.

“Demetri's from a really nice family. Not Quatre nice, but still well off, you know? If I...I don't want him to hate me just because I grew up on L-2. It's nice to be taken at face value as a person, without all that shit following me around everywhere, you know? When I'm with him, I feel like I'm normal.”

“I'm glad he makes you happy.” Heero said, but his tone was clearly saying the opposite.

They had arrived back at the apartment, and Duo had pulled into his parking spot rather sharply. He turned to look at Heero, trying to keep himself calm. Who the hell was Heero to judge his relationships? He was the one who left before they'd had a chance to really be a couple.

“Dammit Heero, I'll make him apologize. Hell, after what I said to him, I don't even know if we're still together or not. Besides, you don't have to take it so personally. Maybe if you'd stuck around I wouldn't have had to go find someone else!”

He knew as soon as he'd said it that he'd pushed to far, too soon. Heero glared at him, rage clear on his face. But instead of returning Duo's outburst with scathing remarks of his own, he just jumped out of the truck without a word. He got his things out of the back, and slammed the door rather harder then necessary.

Duo let out a frustrated growl and pounded on the steering wheel. Why was this so difficult? God, you'd think they were back in the war again, dancing around having a real relationship the way only two people as fucked up as they were could. It was almost as bad as that time that he and Heero had – no. No he was not going to think about _that_ again, not now.

When he went inside, he found Heero had locked himself in the bathroom, and wouldn't answer him, even when he pounded on the door. Disgusted, Duo decided maybe he'd go out as well. He certainly wasn't going to hang around here just to let Heero treat him like this. He had a little extra money to spend anyways, and it wasn't like Demetri was going to ask him out this weekend. 

He quickly changed into something more appropriate for clubbing, and headed out the door. He didn't bother say anything to Heero; he'd probably be ignored anyway. As he started up his truck, he found himself wishing Quatre was around. Maybe he'd be able to help Duo unravel this mess he'd gotten himself into.

~~~

Several hours and half a dozen bars later, Duo found himself in the _Golden Lotus_ , nursing a bottle of whiskey. He had a high alcohol tolerance, but considering he'd done at least fifteen shots of hard liquor at the various bars he'd been to, he was starting to feel it. He wasn't drunk enough to get himself kicked out yet, and he planned on leaving before then. Even though the _Golden Lotus_ was a gay club he frequented often, they were strict about drunks, and the bouncer wouldn't hesitate to send him out on his ass.

The bar was crowded; so Duo had to sit next to other people even though he wasn't exactly feeling sociable. He tried to keep to himself, and turned down several guys who'd tried to hit on him until they figured out he just wanted to be alone. He tried not to listen to any of the conversations of the people around him, focusing on the music and the general hum of the club. A snatch of conversation next to him caught his attention anyway, and he found himself listening in.

“...name's Yamato. He's up on the second floor, I guess, putting on a real show, if you can believe anything Richter says.”

“Perverted old butler. Have you gone upstairs too?”

“You think I'd just be talking about a party if I could actually get in? It's invitation only; my old man wouldn't let me come. Apparently it only for 'men of high-class tastes.'”

“You mean only for dirty rich old men? Ugh, I think I'd rather not.”

“Sure, you say that now, but you've never seen Yamato in action. My father had him at one of his parties once. He's a sweet ride.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. He's about our age, Asian, and _damn_ is that guy flexible. Even better – slip him a hundred and a little E, and he'll do anything you want him to.”

“Sounds like a real slut.”

“You have no idea.”

Duo thought he was going to be sick. They couldn't be talking about Heero, could they? Then again, how many Asian guys named Yamato were working parties at a gay club tonight? Probably not many. He knew he should just drink his whiskey and go home. It wasn't any of his business, and Heero would be pissed if he interfered. He swirled around the remaining whiskey in his glass before downing it in one gulp. Heero could be pissed all he wanted. Duo was going to make sure he was okay, dammit.

He paid the bartender and got up, looking around for the stairs to the second floor. His height was to his advantage; he could see over the heads of most of the wild, dancing customers. The stairs were on the far end of the room, curving gracefully up and around to the second floor balcony. Duo could make out two security guards standing in front of the door that lead into the second floor club.

It was easy to slip past all of the other patrons. Even though he had grown since the war, he had retained much of his stealth and training, and slipped through the crowd with few disturbances. He walked up the stairs like he belonged there; the more confident he looked, the less likely someone would bother him before he reached the door.

Security wasn't so easily fooled. Since he wasn't an elderly patron, it was glaringly clear that he wasn't part of the party inside. They didn't even bother to ask for an invitation, they just stepped closer to the door, blocking him from entering. Of course, he could have killed them both easily and gotten in without anyone even noticing, but those days were behind him. Unless he had proof that Heero was in real danger, he wasn't planning on using physical violence.

“Sir, you need to leave.” One of the guards said. They had radios; probably had backup down at the bar, or inside the club floor.

“Look, I know I don't have an invitation, but my roommate is one of the dancers. I really need to check on him.” Duo put on his best 'I'm being sincere, can't you help me out?' face.

“We've been instructed not to let anyone inside.” The other security guard said automatically.

“Yeah, I get that, but he's a really sensitive guy. Ex-military. If someone fucks with him, I honestly can't be sure what he'll do. I just want to go and make sure he's alright, that's all.” Duo willed his sincerity to show in his expression. He really, really didn't want to get Shinigami on their asses. Heero would _murder_ him.

The two guards looked at each other for a moment, and then back at Duo. Finally one of them said, “Let me go get Cornelius.”

“Thanks.”

“Don't thank us yet. Cornelius never lets unauthorized people into his parties.” The remaining security guard said, his hand very visibly on his gun. As if Duo would try something when he was actually getting what he wanted.

A few minutes later, the security guard returned with a tall, blonde man. Duo wasn't sure what it was that put him off, but he immediately didn't trust the man. He scowled as Cornelius gave him a very obvious once over.

“You're here to see Yamato, aren't you.” He said with a smirk.

Duo put his hands in his pockets defensively. “Yeah, so what?”

“I knew it. The boyfriend arrives.” There was a nasty glint in Cornelius' eyes that Duo didn't like. 

“He's not my -” Duo began.

“Whatever.” Cornelius cut him off. “You and Yamato can say that all you want, but there is _no_ _way_ he's staying with a hottie like you and not doing you. What do you want?”

“I heard some guys downstairs talking about slipping him E. He doesn't react well to that shit. I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“So you're _not_ planning on dragging his ass home before he's done performing tonight?” 

“No.” Duo insisted. “Not unless he doesn't want to stay.”

“Hmm.” Cornelius appeared to be deciding whether to actually believe him or not. “Fine, whatever. He's on a break right now before his last act. You can come see him in the back, but you're not staying for the party.”

Duo didn't even try to convince him that that was the absolutely last thing he wanted to do. The man wouldn't believe him anyways. He followed Cornelius into the club, and couldn't resist a little wave at guards as he went past. As if Duo Maxwell wouldn't be able to get into a place he really wanted to be in. Please.

He followed Cornelius' through the second floor club, trying not to look at the mass of old pervs watching the current strip show, or stare too hard at Cornelius' swaying hips. The man didn't sound feminine at all when you were speaking to him, but that ass just screamed 'fuck me.' Of course, that could have been for the benefit of all the rich old guys...Duo's brain derailed into the gutter and he shook his head fiercely to clear it.

“He's in here. His next act starts in fifteen minutes so don't – shit! Yamato, are you alright?”

Heero was laying on one of the benches in the room, his face positively gray. His eyes were half-closed, and he was shaking. A bottle of water lay on the floor from where it had dropped out of Heero's hand, slowly dripping it's remaining contents across the rug. Cornelius rushed in, Duo right behind him. He checked Heero's breathing and his pulse before letting Duo pull Heero into his arms.

“H-Yamato, are you alright?” Duo asked, alarmed, nearly forgetting Heero's street name. Heero was breathing, but he didn't even act like he'd heard Duo. His eyes were wandering the room, not focusing on anything.

Cornelius dipped a finger in the water and put in into his mouth. He spat it out a second later. “Someone slipped you ecstasy, didn't they.” It wasn't a question. Heero didn't answer.

“Yamato, focus!” Cornelius said sharply, and slapped him. Duo swore and fought down the instant desire to snap his neck.

“Don't fucking look at me like that, mister 'I'm not his boyfriend.'” Cornelius snarled. “He needs to focus on what the hell is going on and he needs to do it now. So just keep your mouth shut.”

Duo seethed, but Heero's pimp or drug dealer or whatever the hell he was, was right. He had said that he wasn't involved with Heero, that he was just a roommate. He couldn't start acting like Heero's jealous boyfriend now. Though personally, he was still hoping that Heero would snap out of it and beat the shit out of the blonde man.

Heero groaned, and blinked a couple of times. His eyes focused on Cornelius and he mumbled, “...fuck.”

“Yes, fuck. Who the hell slipped this shit to you Yamato?”

“...what? Um...Mr. Whitney's butler gave me the water. I don't know if he's the one who put it in there or not.”

“That disgusting old fuck. I'll have security kick his wrinkled ass out. Are you still going to be able to finish your act? Are you okay?”

Heero sat up quickly, probably trying to show he was fine, and then wobbled a little bit and slumped back down onto Duo's shoulder. “Yeah, I'll be fine. I think I just passed out because I haven't had anything to drink all night but liquor...”

“Fine. I'll go get you some water that _isn't_ laced. You stay here and get your shit together. Your _**roommate**_ ,” Cornelius sneered over the word, “can help you with that.” Cornelius got up and stalked out; Duo could hear him yelling for security over the music.

Heero seemed to realize Duo was there for the first time. He looked surprised, and then he grinned really wide and practically threw himself at Duo, climbing up into Duo's lap and putting his arms around his neck. “Hey! What are you doing here?”

“You're _really_ high, aren't you.” Duo said. He hadn't really been thinking about Heero's outfit before, but his brain now informed him that _yes_ Heero was, in fact, only wearing spandex with glitter on it.

“Yesssss.” Heero grinned. “You're not though.”

“No, not at all.” Unfortunately.

“Sorry we fought so much before.” Heero said. “I really, really don't like your boyfriend. It's not that he's not hot, because he is – I'd totally do him like right now – it's just that I don't want you to be with him, I want you to be with me.” Duo had never heard him talk so fast. His brain was having a hard time adjusting to a Heero on ecstasy. It was...disturbing.

“Um...are you sure you want to be talking about this right now?” Duo asked. He knew if Heero wasn't high there was no way he'd say any of this out loud. So what was he supposed to do? Pretend this had never happened in the morning? He'd had his share of drunken and high declarations of love, but this was _Heero_. His brain felt like it was turning to mush.

“No. I don't really want to talk right now.”

“Oh...good.” 

“I'd rather be doing this.” He whispered in Duo's ear, and then his lips were pressed up against Duo's, and just like that, he was kissing Heero Yuy.

Duo didn't know what to do. He'd wanted to make out with Heero since the day he'd first laid eyes on him. Actually, they had made out a few times before when they'd lived together, but it had always been hesitant and awkward. Nothing like this. Heero was making love to his mouth, and wasn't afraid to use his teeth and his tongue to do it. Duo couldn't help it – he kissed him back. His arms slipped down to Heero's waist and leaned into him, not caring about consequences or how he might feel about it later. Heero was kissing him dammit, and he was going to enjoy it.

He didn't even hear Cornelius come back in until the blonde cleared his throat loudly. Duo jumped and tried to pull away, but Heero followed him, determined to keep their lips together. Cornelius just sighed, and put a hand on Heero's shoulder, physically pulling him away from Duo.

“Just roommates, huh?”

“Jealous?” Heero asked. “You want some too?”

Cornelius flashed him a smile that was all teeth. “Yes, actually.” When Heero stood up to try to make out with him too, Cornelius put his hand up. “Not right now. You have a show to do. If you think you can concentrate enough for it.”

“Fiiiiiiiine.” Heero said. “But can we have sex after that?” Duo had to hold back a gag.

“But of course.” Cornelius slung an arm around Heero's thin waist. Heero melted into his arms, in a way that stirred some nasty feelings in Duo's stomach. He started to lead Heero back out on the dance floor, and then stopped, turning them back around. “As long as that's okay with your _roommate_ of course.”

“Are you sure you want to do this Yamato?” Duo asked him honestly. “You don't seem much like...yourself.”

Heero grinned. “That's just cuz you've never seen me on E before. It'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright.” Duo said, resigned. He really just wanted to drag Heero home with him, whether he wanted to come along or not. That was entirely because he was worried about Heero, and had nothing to do with the fact that he wished his arm was the one around Heero's waist. 

Instead he forced himself to smile and let himself out. He'd promised Heero he wouldn't try to make him quit his addictions, and that included selling himself. Later, if Heero wanted, he'd help him find another job, but until Heero made that decision, Duo had no right to make it for him. It was incredibly hard and frustrating, but he had to remind himself that Heero had been making his own decisions, for good or bad, for the last six years. If Duo tried to take over now, he'd only end up pushing Heero away.

That night, for the first time in years, he cried himself to sleep.

Chapter 6

**Heero, Saturday, March 22 nd, AC 204, 5 a.m.**

Heero woke up in a pile of bodies on Cornelius' bed. As far as he could remember, the night had been a complete blur, but apparently there had been one hell of an orgy afterwords. Cornelius was asleep next to him and he had an arm wrapped possessively around Heero's waist.

Heero felt like shit. His head was pounding and his mouth was dry; and he _really_ needed a shower. The crushing depression that always followed a night of ecstasy hadn't hit him yet, and he wanted to get home before it did. Ecstasy was great for making money, but it left him feeling like death warmed over for days afterwords.

“Cornelius, get up.” Heero was starting to feel claustrophobic with all these people around him. He wanted to get up now.

Cornelius groaned and pulled Heero closer reflexively. Heero fought back the urge to break his arm. There would be no end of shit if he did, and he'd lose his best drug supplier. “Get up!” He elbowed the blonde in the ribs.

“Uhn...Yamato...it's like five in the morning.” Cornelius mumbled into his pillow. “Do you have to get up _now?_ ”

“Yes, dammit. I want to go home.”

“You're never any fun after your high wears off.” Cornelius grumbled, but he let go of Heero's waist and forced himself up. The dealer looked as bad as Heero felt. Usually he refrained from using out of his own supply, but he made exceptions during parties. 

“Just shut up and pay me.” Heero said. His mood was deteriorating by the minute.

“Alright, alright. Your money's in my office. Lets go.” Cornelius said, grumbling the entire time. 

Heero followed his dealer across the room, being careful not to step on anyone. There were dozens of young people in Cornelius' apartment. Heero wondered if he'd invited the entire neighborhood.

“Hell of a party last night then?” He asked, as Cornelius unlocked his office door.

“Of course. I'm not going to throw a party for old pervs and then not have one for people I actually _want_ to sleep with.” He motioned for Heero to turn around while he opened his safe. “Come in.”

Heero walked in and shut the door behind him, sitting down at an overstuffed arm chair in front of the desk. Cornelius pulled out a pad of paper and started scribbling down figures. “Eight hundred for the party, fifteen hundred in tips, so you get eleven hundred twenty-five, and I owe you another thousand from last night. So that brings your total to ...fuck it, three grand is close enough.”

“You should do these parties more often.” Heero said.

“I would but...even I need some time to get over those disgusting old pervs.” Cornelius said, but he was grinning, so Heero didn't think he really meant it. “You want anything before you go? I got some new weed in; it's already rolled into cigarettes with the filters taken out – looks legit but it isn't, and it doesn't smell like pot when it burns. Still gets you just as high, and still tastes like weed. Five hundred bucks for a carton.”

“...hell, why not. Give me two. And a half-bottle of Valium.”

Cornelius gave him a weird look. “You never buy Valium. You said it doesn't help your E crash.”

“Got a roommate now, so I have to try not to crash so hard.” Heero said. It sounded lame, even to him.

“Whatever you want.” Cornelius scribbled down some more notes on the pad, and counted out two grand in hundreds onto the table. “Valium's on me.” He said.

“You must've made a shit-ton at that party.” Heero muttered. Cornelius _never_ gave him discounts like this.

“You have no idea.” Cornelius chuckled. “Meet me by the gate, I'll go get your stuff.”

Heero walked out of the office and into Cornelius' bathroom, where he'd stashed a more reasonable outfit – jeans and one of the red graphic tees he'd bought the day before. He peeled his work clothes off with a grimace, wondering why he'd even bothered to put them back on last night. Stuffed into the spandex was another wad of bills, which meant he'd apparently been busy last night. It wasn't really surprising; ecstasy made him...available. 

He flipped through the bills and counted out in his head how many customers he must have had last night. The number was nauseatingly high. If he'd had a working gag reflex, he probably would have thrown up. Back when he was living on the street he hadn't cared, but there was something about living with Duo again that made him exceptionally self conscious about the whole thing.

Heero stuffed his outfit into the new duffel he'd bought and tucked the money into the front of his pants, and headed out to the gate to meet Cornelius and get the fuck out of that place. As promised, Cornelius was waiting for him. Heero took the Valium and one carton of cigarettes and shoved them into his duffel. He opened the other carton and took a pack out before putting it in his bag and zipping it up.

“I called you a cab.” Cornelius told him.

“Thanks.” 

Heero wasn’t really listening, he was busy lighting a cigarette. He nearly dropped it when Cornelius suddenly yanked him close, his breath hot in Heero's ear. “You should come by more often.”

“What are you-” Heero yanked his head away when Cornelius tried to kiss him. “Fuck off, just let me out!”

“Don't be like that. You kissed me plenty last night.”

“I was getting _paid_ then. And I was on E. Fuck, don't be like this. This is why I stopped going to Marcus, you know.”

“Marcus is a complete fuck head.” Cornelius spat. “You're so...ugh. You've got a sexy roommate who you're not sleeping with, apparently. You come over here all the time, way more then any of my other strippers. You do shit for me you won't do for anyone else. Excuse me for thinking you might eventually want to have sex with someone who might actually _care_ for you.”

“I just want to go home.”

“Fine, whatever.” Cornelius let go of him and opened the grate. “If you ever change your mind, I'm here. And if you don't...whatever, I'm here then too.”

Heero hurried out, taking a deep drag off his cigarette. The cab was waiting outside for him. He slid into the back and handed the driver a fifty. He told him Duo's address, and then rolled the window down. He kept smoking the whole way home. Cornelius had pretty much just admitted to caring for him. That was about as big a declaration of love as was possible for the man. Heero's head hurt – he didn't want to think about this any more. It took a lot to get him high again when he was coming down off of ecstasy, but he was certainly going to try.

The cabby knew him, and didn't even try to give him his change back. He didn't ask any questions and took Heero back home without any trouble. Heero managed to remember to say thank you when he got back out of the cab, and stumbled up the steps to the apartment. He paused for a moment to light another cigarette before he went inside, then went in and locked the door behind him.

He leaned against the door and gave a sigh of relief. It was so good to be back in his apartment, with no clients and no Cornelius. Last night's party did not turn out the way he was expecting, in any way. He hadn't expected Duo to show up, or for anyone to slip him E, (though honestly, he should have known better.) And he certainly didn't expect to get laid last night as many times as he apparently did either. The next few days were going to suck. Maybe the Valium would help.

He sighed again and took the last drag off his cigarette. His first priority was to put his work clothes in the wash. Technically they were supposed to be dry-cleaned, but putting them on hand wash was good enough, and he wasn't going to take his work clothes to the laundromat. After his clothes had started washing, he pushed his duffel under the futon into the space he'd currently claimed as his 'room.' Duo had loaned him a cheap set of plastic drawers he'd been using in his office to put his clothes in, which was on one side of the futon, doubling as an ottoman. All of his other personal effects he kept in one of his two bags; one duffel with all his toiletries and essential survival items, and the other to take with him to jobs. All of his old things had gone in the trash the day he'd gone shopping.

After all his things had been put away, Heero finally went into the bathroom to shower. He briefly considered bringing a cigarette in with him to see if he still was able to smoke and shower at the same time, but in the end, he decided against it. Instead he brought three Valium's with him, which he took after gargling with hot water from the shower. 

He sat in the shower and just let the water beat into him, his mind numb and his outlook bleak. His skin itched, and he felt the sharp pang that meant that he wanted a hit. It didn't really make sense, since he'd just gotten high last night, he'd managed a pretty good buzz off the marijuana cigarettes, and he'd just taken three Valiums. But none of that was what he wanted. He wanted that magical mix of chemicals that would make everything better, the drug that he'd been brought up on. Without it, no matter how much he took, he always felt sharp stabs of withdrawal. It was less noticeable when he was on something else; especially heroin, but it was always there.

It took effort to force himself to wash. Part of him was horrified with his current state of hygiene; he wanted to bathe for hours, or days if it took him that long to get clean. Instead, he slowly and methodically cleaned every inch of himself with Duo's lavender body-wash. He scrubbed at his skin until the water started going cold, and then took the time to wash his hair after that. By the time he was ready to get out, the water hitting him in the face was ice cold. He didn't care.

He dried off and put his pajama bottoms on – loose, cottony pants, and a wifebeater. Then he brushed his teeth for about fifteen minutes and gargled with Scope until his mouth no longer tasted like sex. He didn't even attempt to brush his hair; that was tomorrow's battle. 

Out in the main room, he forced himself to drink two glasses of water and ate some toast. It wasn't really enough, but it was all he could manage; he wouldn't die of dehydration at least. And the alcohol he'd consumed tonight would give him calories. Not healthy ones, but it would keep him going.

He was just sitting down on the couch to try to will himself to go back to sleep, at least for a few hours, when Duo's bedroom door cracked open. “'Ro? You back?”

“Yes.”

Duo shuffled out into the main room and sat hesitantly down on the couch next to Heero. He pulled his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around them, staring miserably at the wall. Heero knew he wanted to talk, but had no way to bring it up without potentially pissing Heero off.

Instead of answering Duo's unspoken question, he pulled out two of his marijuana cigarettes. He lit one for himself, and handed the other one and the lighter to Duo. Duo didn't even argue with him about smoking in the house, he just lit his own and took a deep drag off it.

“Hey – this isn't tobacco!” 

“No. It's pot.” Heero agreed with him. “You don't mind.” It wasn’t really a question.

“...no. Thanks.”

“Sorry for...” Heero couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead, he reached over and traced the bottom of Duo's lip with his finger. He blamed it on the Valium.

“It-it's okay, Heero.” Duo said.

“No, it isn't.” Heero argued. “It's the ecstasy. It always does that to me. It's supposed to make you happy too; give you feelings of euphoria. It doesn't really do that for me. My serotonin levels are genetically modified – I just don't produce as much serotonin as most people do. Ecstasy is supposed to release all of it at once, that's what gives you the rush. I just sort of feel...disconnected. And really horny.”

“You hate it, don't you.” Duo said. “At the party, even though you were smiling, you looked miserable.”

Heero looked surprised. “It's a job. It's a hell of a lot better then killing people, and apparently I'm good at it. I guess you could say I hate it. I enjoy it sometimes...usually when I”m high, but it's not bad most of the time. And it pays well. I just – I didn't want you to see me like that.”

“I can't say it wasn't weird to see you all...sexual and everything. Thinking about you having sex at all is just weird. Before, when we tried to do anything sexual, you just got mad at me.”

Heero sighed, and gave Duo another cigarette. They both needed it if they were going to have this particular conversation. “All the times we tried after the war, I just couldn't get into it.”

“What, like I wasn't sexy enough for you or something?” Duo asked in a hurt voice. They had never talked about this before. Apparently the pot was helping Duo express his feelings.

“No, that's not it at all. You're incredibly sexy. That was part of the problem. You were so comfortable with sex; so confident in your sexuality. I didn't know if I was straight or gay or if I even was capable of those kinds of things. Hell, I still don't know. The program J had me on completely killed my sex drive, so it wasn't like I'd ever had sex, or had even anything sexual at all so-”

“Wait. Are you telling me you _never_ jacked off? During the whole war?”

“I tried once or twice, but it didn't work. It's not like I didn't know about sex. It just wasn't something I could experience. The effects lingered after the war too. Anything we tried in the first six months didn't actually do anything for me at all. I tried but...” Heero shrugged.

“Fuck. So you were like, a super virgin.” 

“I guess you could say that. I didn't know how to tell you. You wanted everything so fast, and I was miserable at it. I got so frustrated. It was easier just to push you away then try to talk to you about it.” Heero wasn't sure how he felt about actually talking about this, even now. Their past was complicated, and their attempt at a relationship was disastrous at best. And Duo still had a boyfriend, and Cornelius had just asked him out today. It wasn't a really good day for relationship advice.

“I should have noticed.” Duo said. He looked guilty.

“Why would you? You and Quatre always saw the best in me – the humanity. But I was really more of a machine, or at best, a cyborg. I went so long without feeling anything, that when I finally _did_ feel something, I didn't know what to do about it.”

Duo was nervous about this whole conversation. Heero could tell because he kept playing with the end of his braid. “I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty fucked up then. Hell, I'm still fucked up now. But I should have known. I mean...I just thought you were so perfect. I wish I would have known.” He put his braid in his mouth and started chewing on the end of it. “I would've...I mean, we could've...fuck. I'm not making aaaaany sense, am I?”

“You're high.” Heero informed him. “Say what you want about Cornelius, he always gets good pot.”

“We've got to stop smoking in the house.”

“At least we have something in common now.” Heero said. “And I won't nag you about smoking now.” 

“That's true. Heero, why did you kiss me?”

“I told you. It's the E.”

“Yeah but...just because you're horny doesn't mean you'll sleep with _everyone_. I mean...you really went for me.”

“Does it matter?” Heero sighed heavily.

“Of course it matters!” Duo exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Duo, go back to bed.” Heero did _not_ want to talk about this right now.

“What the fuck? You tell me your whole life's story, and then you won't even answer a single question?”

“Duo, I don't want to talk about it, okay? It's over. We missed our chance. You moved on and found someone else. We can't go back to that place.”

“But I want to.” He was really chewing on his braid now. Duo was going to have some serious split ends.

“I know. But I'm not going to do this to you Duo. I left and broke your heart. You finally get over me and then I shove my way back in to your life. I know it's tempting because I'm more sexual now, but I can't and I won't ruin things with you and your boyfriend.”

“You don't even _like_ him.”

“But I see how you get when you talk about him. He makes you feel normal.” Which was something Heero could never do.

“...yeah. He does.”

“So go to bed. Stop thinking about what could have been, alright? Just...let it go.”

Duo looked torn. “Are you sure-”

“I'm sure.” Heero knew he was being unreasonable, possibly even a little cruel. But Duo was trying to live a normal life, a healthy life. Heero was already imposing on his house; he was determined not to mess things up further. Besides, if Duo wasn't there, staring him in the face, it was easier to shove down his own feelings.

“Well...goodnight Heero.”

“Nite.”

Duo went back to his room and closed the door, and Heero laid down the futon and stretched out on it. Life was such a bitch. He finally was able to acknowledge his feelings for Duo, able to give him the sexual side of a relationship that Duo needed, and it didn't matter. He was too late. Even if Duo broke up with Demetri, Heero would feel like he had no right to Duo. He couldn't burden Duo with all his problems. He couldn’t bear to even contemplate sleeping with Duo after all the times he'd been passed around.

He closed his eyes and willed the Valium to kick in. He didn't want to think about any of this. Sometimes he felt that it would be easier if he was still numb. When he was numb, he had none of these pesky feelings to sort through, none of the pain associated with being a free thinking being. But he didn't want to go back to that dark, cold, calculated mind he'd lived in before, either. He'd evolved past that. He would deal with the pain, somehow, and keep his feelings. Even if that was as close as he was ever going to get to a relationship with Duo, it would be enough. Had to be enough . He couldn’t go back – he had to go forward. No matter how much it hurt.

Chapter 7

**Saturday, March 22 nd, AC 204, Noon**

Heero woke to a bleak despair. It enveloped him like a shroud, descending before he could even form coherent thought. This was why he didn't take ecstasy. He was unstable at the best of times, but after he'd taken E, he felt bleak and hopeless for days.

It was only noon; between the Valium and the pot, he should have slept most of the day.. Something must have woken him. He looked around for anything that could have woken him. Then he heard a soft knock at the door. Duo rarely had visitors. Who the hell could that be?

He glanced towards Duo's room – the door was still shut and even if Duo still had the same hair-trigger reflexes that Heero still had, he doubted Duo would have heard the knock. Sighing as morosely as he could manage, he stumbled out of bed to the door. He really hoped it wasn't Wufei, or that Quatre had somehow found out about the whole thing. He didn't have the strength to pretend he was even marginally happy.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, the person at the door wasn't anyone he would have normally felt happy seeing. Demetri deserved his utter loathing, not just because Heero thought he was a dick, but because even after demonstrating how much of an ass he could be, the guy _still_ made Duo happy. What he really wanted to do was punch Demetri in the face. But today, he was too depressed to bother.

Demetri just stood there, staring at him in shock. Heero wondered if his face looked as bad as he felt. The _boyfriend_ was holding a bouquet of red roses – Duo liked flowers, apparently. Heero didn't say anything of course. It hadn't been _his_ idea to open the door.

“Uh...is Duo here?” Demetri finally managed.

“He's sleeping, but I don't think the door is locked.”

“Oh. Uh...I guess, I guess I owe you an apology. For the other day. I shouldn't have shouted at you like that.”

The asshole even managed to look sincere. Heero just stared at him. What was he supposed to say, 'Oh, that's fine, I just hate you because you're fucking my ex?' Not that he and Duo had ever been officially dating, but it still rankled.

“Whatever.” He said finally. He didn't want to deal with this shit right now.

Heero moved aside and pointed towards the bedroom, which was stupid, because Demetri obviously knew where it was. Demetri did seem startled to see Heero's blankets on the futon. That annoyed Heero. Duo wasn't the kind of guy who'd cheat on his boyfriend, no matter who it was. Kissing didn't count, of course. Still, it gave Heero hope. If Demetri didn't trust Duo, maybe that meant they weren't really that close. But they were still fucking.

Demetri went into Duo's bedroom and closed the door. Heero didn't wait around; he had no desire whatsoever to hear what was going on in there. Duo was loud in bed.

He grabbed some clothes from his bag and pulled them on, not bothering with makeup or accessories. He just didn't care. A quick search on Duo's laptop gave him directions. He jotted down a quick note, refusing to believe that he was already hearing moans from the bedroom. He stuffed his cellphone in his pocket – not that Duo would be coming out anytime soon, and left as fast as he could.

Once he got outside, he reached for his cigarettes and swore. He'd left his pot cigarettes inside; he only had normal ones with him. Snarling under his breath, he took one out and lit it.

It would be quicker to take a cab to his destination, but he wasn't interested in speed. He'd rather walk. With his hands in his pockets, head down, and a rather miserable expression on his face, he probably looked like an emo teenager, but again, he didn't really care.

Over an hour and a half-pack of cigarettes later, Heero arrived at his destination; a small house in the suburbs. He stared at the door for several minutes before sighing and putting out his cigarette. He walked slowly to the door, and knocked softly.

He thought he'd gotten the wrong address at first, because the door was answered by a small Chinese boy; perhaps five years old. “Nín hǎo.” 

He stared for a moment, but his mouth responded automatically, “Nǐ hǎo.” He continued in perfect Mandarin, “Is Sally home?”

“Mā mā!” The boy called into the house for his mother.

Sally appeared at the door. She had aged gracefully; still beautiful and blonde. Today she had her hair piled up and held in place with jade chopsticks. Unlike everyone else, she didn't seem surprised to see Heero. Turning to the boy, she spoke to him in English. “Thank you Li. Why don't you go see Mai while mommy does some work?”

“Okay.” He agreed, tottering away into the house.

“Sorry Yamato. Li is bilingual, but he prefers Mandarin.”

“It's alright Sally. You don't have to call me that.”

Sally gave him a measuring look. “Well then Heero. I'm assuming this isn't a social visit? I have a small office here; why don't you come in? It will just be the two of us in the office.”

“Alright.”

She led him into the house, and he wiped his feet carefully on the mat. He started to toe his shoes off as well; then saw that Sally left hers on, and followed her into the house. It was very tastefully decorated; tending towards warm neutral colors like french gray walls and deep brown furniture in the living room. They passed the kitchen on the way to the office, where Li was sitting at the table, showing a drawing to another beautiful Chinese woman with black hair tied on either side of her face.

“I'll be seeing Heero in my office for a little while Mai.”

Mai looked at her and a touch of a smile showed on her face. “Will Heero be staying for dinner?”

Heero looked at Sally, who smiled encouragingly at him. “That would be nice.” He said, even though he really didn't feel up to eating. He knew a bit about Chinese customs from Wufei, and though he didn't know how traditional Sally and her family were, he didn't want to be rude. Especially since she was doing him a favor.

“I will set you a place then.” She said, turning back to Li's drawing.

Sally motioned them to continue on, leading him to the corner of the house where she had a decent sized office. It had a desk, examining table, and a rather large and expensive looking computer. It was probably supposed to feel cozy, but Heero felt claustrophobic . He hated doctors.

Heero hoped she could run some tests for him. He'd had a hell of a lot of clients last night, and Heero couldn't remember if they'd used protection or not, which only served to make him more depressed and angry. He was usually very careful about that sort of thing, but depending on how high he had been at the time, anything was possible.

“So how are you Heero?” Sally asked, once he'd taken a seat on the edge of the examination table.

“Fine.” He said, but his tone made the lie obvious.

“I see.” She didn't push, which was one of the reasons Heero liked her. She took a pen and a writing pad off her desk and waited.

“I'm staying with Duo now.” He offered.

Sally looked surprised. “And it's working out?”

“For the most part.” He knew he didn't have to explain. Sally gave an understanding nod.

“I thought...you were married to Wufei.” Heero was certain she had been, however many cobwebs shrouded his memory.

Sally laughed. “I suppose it's fine to tell you now. Wufei and I were only together so I could have children to carry on his name.”

Heero didn't know what to say to that. Seeing the look on his face, Sally explained, “It's true. Wufei needed heirs; his family wouldn't leave him alone about it. And I wanted children, and we got along well enough. But Wufei's heart has always belonged to his first wife, not to me.”

“Then why...”

“Why do I live with Mai now? Because I like women of course! You didn't think you were the only one to prefer your own gender, did you? Wufei might not mind either way, but men really don't do it for me. He's still a good father – he comes over all the time. Li loves him; I think that's why he insists on speaking Mandarin all the time.”

“I...see.”

Sally laughed again. “A bit too much all at once? I did mention it one other time, at a clinic session. I doubt you remember that though.”

“No.” He barely remembered going to see Sally at the clinics; he'd been so far gone then, he was surprised he had even walked into a clinic.

Sally's gaze turned serious. “How are you doing Heero, really? Do you need more medicine?”

“No. I still have half a bottle.”

“Good, you've cut down then. You were coming in every two weeks for awhile. I almost told Duo; I was starting to think even you wouldn't survive what you were doing to yourself.”

“I must have been really sick. I don't remember that at all. I barely remember you writing me a prescription.”

“So you don't remember me order a full body scan the last time you saw me then?” Sally asked, anxious now.

“No. But I don't remember seeing you, either. There are so many holes in my memory.”

“That's the drugs. Even a body like yours can’t heal all your brain cells from the massive amount of abuse you've been putting on it. Memory is the first thing to go.”

“I know. That was part of the reason I started using in the first place.” Heero admitted.

Sally was kind enough not to try to delve into that minefield. “Your results came back. Did you know you have extensive nerve damage?”

“Yes. I did self destruct – I broke a lot of bones, had internal injuries, burns, massive nerve damage and severe head trauma. Anyways, it's not like I could have gone to a hospital. Trowa didn't even think I was going to wake up.”

“Have you noticed anything different since the explosion?”

Heero laughed darkly. “Several things. Food just tastes like dirt to me – I haven't been able to determine different tastes and a lot less smells since then. I have almost no feeling in my fingers and toes – Trowa had to spend three weeks teaching me how to eat and walk again. It took longer then that to get my fighting ability back to where it should have been.”

“Why didn't you see anyone about that?” Sally demanded. “Nerve damage can be serious!”

“Who was I going to see, Sally? I didn't know where you were most of the time and I sure as hell wasn't going to go to a hospital. Trowa was the best medic we had. If he hadn't been the one to pick me up, I probably would have died. Look, I did what I had to do to win. We all did. Why does this bother you?”

“Because of this.” She brought up an image on the vid screen. It was a spine – probably his, since she was going on about it. Heero wasn't a doctor, but it didn't look like a very healthy spine.

“Your spine is partially severed right here.” Sally pointed to a vertebrae in his lower back. “If you had been seen right when it had happened, we could have put you in a regen unit and you would have suffered virtually no damage. Now, your body has excellent healing ability, so you've actually repaired some of the damage – your nervous system has actually taken over the less important parts of your nerves, like the feeling in your hands and feet, to control more vital functions like keeping you breathing.”

“So what's the problem?”

Sally looked frustrated. “You have a partially severed _spine_ Heero. That's serious! Too much strain on it, and it could break completely. At best, you'd be paralyzed from the waist down. It could even kill you!”

“No offense Sally, but if it survived everything I put myself through in the war, I'm sure it will be fine now.”

“During the war you were getting exercise and eating properly.” Sally retorted. “Even eating rations is better then whatever you whatever you haven't been eating since then.”

“I suppose you have a point. What do you want me to do about it?” If it was up to him, he'd just leave it and worry about it if his spine broke. But he'd put Sally through so much stress as it was.

“I know you won't let me do surgery.” She said dryly. “But I do want you to start going to my clinic once a week and use our regen unit.”

“Sally-”

“Please, Heero. It could save your life.”

“Ugh...fine.”

“Good. I'll schedule you in and call you with the details. You still have a phone, right?”

“Yes.” Good god, he'd really been trying to let someone find him, hadn't he. “Sally...can you do a test for the usual?” Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to actually say it.

“Of course Heero. I can get preliminary results right now. But you know it can take up to a month to show up in your blood work, maybe longer with how your system naturally masks any anomalies.”

Heero looked down at his shoes. Even if the tests came back negative he'd probably have Sally check again. With his immune system, there was a higher chance of a false negative, as he found out a few years back. He knew, but he didn't want to wait. He needed to know; now.

Sally gave him a small, sad smile. “Now that you're living somewhere stable, I'm going to recommend you get on a high calorie diet, and start taking vitamins. I have some powder already made up that you can mix with water; your system is so sensitive, I prepared it when you started coming to see me on a monthly basis. You can take it home with you. The rest I'll have to prepare this week in the lab.”

“Alright.” He hated looking like a skinny heroin addict anyways. Even if he technically _was_ a heroin addict, he wanted to get better, and looking healthy would help. He felt like it would be easier to quit if everyone stopped assuming he was an addict just by looking at him.

“I'd like to run some more extensive tests, especially since you don't remember what happened to you. There are lots of other things that can also cause nerve damage; syphilis for one.”

“But you've tested me tons of times-”

“And I've put you on treatment twice. There's not a lot of medicine I can put you on. I thought it was a separate infection each time, but if your body is refusing the antibiotics...”

Oh god.

Sally put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I promise I'll find out Heero. Please try not to worry about it. I have the best staff in this hemisphere. If something is wrong, I will make it right. I promise.”

Don't worry about it. Right. Even without the after-effects of the ecstasy, his mood would have been totally killed. As it was, he was seriously considering just throwing himself off a bridge on the way home. Then he wouldn't have to worry about telling Duo, or dealing with the fact that he might have a fatal disease and his body was resisting the only known treatment for it. Or that his spine was partially severed, and it could potentially snap at any time.

He sat there in silence while Sally pricked his finger with a small testing device, and tried not to think about suicide. If he showed any actual inclination to actually killing himself, Sally would tell Duo, and that would just make everything worse. Then he'd have to tell Duo why he was down, and they'd probably get into another fight about Duo's dumb-ass boyfriend. And if he tried to kill himself, he'd probably mess up, and then he'd _really_ be in for it. It just wasn't worth it.

Sally hooked the testing device directly into her computer and began running some tests on it. He watched dispassionately as she sent some of the information to her lab for more detailed testing. He had no idea what the numbers running across the screen meant, but she seemed to get some kind of result from them.

“Well, your preliminary scans are coming up clean.” She informed him. “I'll test you in a few weeks. Until then, try to stay positive, alright?”

He looked at her gloomily.

“Come on Heero, lets get you out of here.” Sally said, straightening up from her computer. “Mai's food is delicious; I'm sure it'll help keep your mind off this.”

“Duo's the one who likes food, not me.” Heero said morosely. “Maybe it's the nerve damage, I don't know, but since I self-destructed everything just tastes like dirt.”

“There's a good chance the regen unit will be able to restore some of your sense of taste to you.” She brightened up. “The good news is, if you've been having problems that long, there's a good chance that the damage isn't from the syphilis.”

“That's...good.” He had to keep a positive attitude, for her sake at least. He owed her that much.

Heero followed Sally out of the lab and into the dining room. Mai had set the table for six, and she and Sally's two children were already sitting at their places. Mai was at one end of the table, the toddler to her left and Li seated beside her. The little girl was about three, and she gawked at him. He put on his best fake smile and waved at her, and her cheeks turned up in an adorable smile as she waved her pudgy hand back at him. Sally took the seat to Mai's right, and motioned Heero to sit next to her. He wondered who was going to sit in the last seat, and if he would have to pretend to be excited to talk with them during dinner.

He heard the sound of the front door opening, and then caught a glimpse of Wufei hanging up his coat in the closet. Well, he shouldn't be surprised, Sally mentioned he came over a lot. At least Wufei wouldn't much care if he pretended to be happy. Though, there was a chance he'd want to have that heart to heart that Heero had missed out on last time when he'd gotten completely smashed and Wufei had saved him from a cracked skull on the pavement. Because _that_ would be fulfilling.

Dinner wasn't as bad as it could have been. Apparently Wufei had been busy at work recently, so this was his first visit in quite a while. He, Li, and Mai talked in Mandarin for quite a lot of the meal, especially when Heero eased Mai's fears of rudeness by making a small compliment in Mandarin himself. Sally was quiet for most of the meal, but Heero saw her smiling at Wufei and Li interacting. He also noticed a few heated glances that Sally gave Mai during dinner, which he tried to ignore both for Mai's sake and his own sanity. Just because he was coming to terms with his own sexuality didn't mean he wanted to think about Sally doing it, especially not with the quiet, reserved Chinese woman she lived with.

He ate everything he was served, and tried to pretend he enjoyed it, ignoring Sally's looks when he complimented Mai's cooking. So what if she knew he was lying? As long as she didn't say anything about it to Mai, it'd be fine. Just because he was having a shitty day didn't mean he had to hurt the poor woman's feelings.

After dinner, he thanked Sally, and was going to walk home, when Wufei pulled him aside. “I still need to talk to you, Yuy. Stick around a moment, I'll give you a ride home.”

Heero muttered something not very friendly, but went out on the steps to smoke until Wufei was ready to leave. It wasn't like he could just run off; Wufei knew where he lived. He didn't have to wait that long, which was good, because he was almost out of cigarettes again.

Wufei opened the door, still talking in Mandarin to his son. He scowled when he saw Heero smoking, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he handed Heero three large vitamin bottles.

“Sally says you need to start taking these. Apparently she forgot to give them to you before dinner, so she gave them to me. She expects you to drink a high calorie shake at least twice a day, and she also told me to tell you that she would be sending you more of the powder as soon as it's ready.” Wufei finished his recitation with a frown. He didn't look pleased about being delegated as a messenger boy.

Heero looked at them and sighed before taking one last, long drag on his cigarette and putting it out. He very much doubted Wufei would let him smoke in the car. Getting up, he followed Wufei over to his vehicle and slid in. 

“I'm surprised you smoke those things.” Wufei said with a touch of disdain in his voice as he pulled out onto the road.

Heero made a rude sound. “It's better then some of the stuff I used to smoke.”

Wufei grunted, but didn't pursue that line of criticism again. Instead he said, “Duo asked me for a job for you. Sally mentioned that it might be nice if I could find you work. Do you have something against asking me yourself?”

“I don't see you much.” Heero replied blandly. “Besides, I've never asked either of them to help me find a job. I might not like what I do, but there are worse things.”

To his surprise, Wufei smiled a little at his bluntness. “I do have something you could do, actually. I didn't mention it to Duo because he didn't tell me who he was really asking about.”

“I'm not re-joining Preventers Wufei.”

“As if I'd let you.” Wufei looked hard at him. “I am not entirely sure I trust you Yuy. The man I knew wouldn't have let street drugs rule his life. And he wouldn't have run away from his responsibilities, either.”

“I guess you don't know me very well then.” Heero snapped. He was _not_ in the mood to be talking about this right now. “But you're right not to trust me, I guess. I don't trust myself.”

“Regardless, what I had in mind does not require you to join Preventers. You would be an independent contract employee, like Duo is.”

“And what exactly would I be contracting?”

“Programming. We need someone to check out security every month or so. We have protective measures in place, but our security guy and programmer are not as good as what we had before.”

“Since I left, you mean.”

“Duo kept up on it for awhile, but he does have a life you know.”

“Like his boyfriend.”

Wufei was getting annoyed. “Do you want the job or not Yuy?”

Heero sighed, and didn't answer. He wanted to be doing something else, at least part of the time. But getting back into the Preventers, even as a contract employee made him nervous. It felt like he was trying to do everything from six years ago again, like he was trying to do them over. While it would be great to have that chance, to do everything right this time, he was so afraid he would fail. If he did; where would he go?

“I should probably also mention that the _Velvet Hammer_ is hiring strippers. It's not dignified, but it's legal, at least.”

Heero struggled with himself for a moment before admitting, “I would actually be good at that, believe it or not. But I can't. Neither Yamato Saito, my street name, or I have legal identification. I can't get a legal job.”

“Didn't we get you ID when you joined Preventers?” Wufei asked.

“I have a Preventer's identification number. But I don't have a citizen ID number, or a birth certificate. Both of which are required to get a legal job with someone who is not a friend of mine.”

“I'm sure between Une, Quatre and I, we could get a citizen ID number for you, even without a birth certificate. And you could get a war orphan's certificate of unknown birth. There's tons of people who never got legal papers at birth because of the war. Duo has one, in fact.”

That would require telling Une he was back, which was not something he wanted to even consider doing right now. On the other hand, it would be nice to be able to pursue legal work, even it still involved taking his clothes off. Working for the Preventers as a very part time consultant was not going to support his drug habit.

Fortunately, they pulled into Duo's place before Heero had made up his mind on an answer. That damned silver car was still sitting in front of the apartment, and Heero cursed. “Bastard's still here.”

“Who?”

“Duo's boyfriend. He showed up this morning with flowers. That's why I left.”

Wufei was silent for a moment, staring at that silver car. Then he said, “You should stay at my house Yuy. I know Duo, well enough, and if he's making up with Demetri, you won't want to stay here tonight.”

“Does this happen a lot?”

Wufei sighed. “Duo and Demetri have never been stable. I usually hear Duo's end of it, and after every bad fight, he always comes in the next day or some time that week and brags about how romantic Demetri can be when he's trying to get back on Duo's good side. Sometimes I think Duo enjoys making up more then his actual relationship with that man.”

“Let me go get some clothes. I'm not going to borrow yours. And I swear to God, if they're doing it on my bed...” He didn't finish his sentence, but Wufei knew what he meant.

They must have been in the bedroom, because Heero didn't see them at all during his five minutes in the apartment. That was just fine with him; he didn't want to know what they were up to, and was trying very hard to convince himself he didn't care. He stuffed some clothes and makeup into his travel bag, and scribbled another quick note. Not that it looked like Duo had been out of the bedroom long enough yet to even see it. Whatever. At least he'd been responsible.

“That was fast.” Wufei said when he slid back into the car.

“Not much to get.” Heero muttered, then asked, “Can we stop somewhere so I can get cigarettes?” He'd decided against bringing pot to Wufei's house.

“If you must.”

Both of them kept to themselves after that. Heero wasn't entirely sure Wufei really wanted Heero to be there, but felt obligated to give him a place to stay. For his part, he'd never really been close to Wufei before, and now felt even further away from understanding him. He was grateful for the job and the place to stay, of course, but even when they'd worked together they hadn't ever talked much, and he certainly didn't know what to talk about now.

Wufei stopped at a small convenience store for Heero to buy cigarettes at before driving off to a much nicer part of town. He lived out in the suburbs in a fairly high-end neighborhood. Apparently he wasn't making normal Preventers pay anymore; he'd moved up in the world. Of course, Quatre had hinted multiple times that Wufei's family was rich. He'd just never seen any evidence of it before.

All the furnishings in Wufei's house were tasteful, but simple. Most of the floors were wood, or covered in expensive looking rugs with intricate patterns woven into them. The walls held a few pieces of art; Wufei's swords and some pieces that looked like they had been inspired by his homeland. It was very tasteful, and surprisingly classy.

“Nice place.” Heero said begrudgingly.

Wufei smiled. “Were you expecting it to look like a cheap Chinese restaurant?”

Heero shrugged. “More like a barracks, really.”

“It did, for a few years, until Sally and Mai came over and insisted on helping me decorate. It took them a while, but I gave in.”

“Sally seems rather persuasive.”

“She is.” He motioned for Heero to follow him. “Here, the guest room is down this way.”

The room was done in a sage green theme; it was small, but tasteful, just like the rest of the place. The bed was huge compared to the rest of the room, especially since he'd been sleeping on a futon for the last week. There was a particularly nice wall hanging on the wall facing the bed, featuring two dragons intertwining in green and gold.

“Thank you for letting me stay Wufei. I'm sorry for imposing.” He said, still miserable, but determined to be positive.

“It's fine Yuy. I wouldn't leave you in an awkward position like that.”

“Even if you don't trust me?” He asked.

Wufei snorted and leaned against the door frame. “It's not like I think you're going to try to murder me in my sleep. I'm just not sure how I feel about you living with Duo again. There's a lot of pain there. You left, and I ended up dealing with it.”

“I'm sorry to inconvenience you.” Heero said, and sagged down onto the bed. That came out a bit more rude then he'd intended, so he tried again. “Honestly Wufei, I have no idea what I'm doing. I intended on walking out as soon as I realized what had happened, but Duo wouldn't let me. And if everything wasn't messed up enough, he has a boyfriend.” 

Heero scowled. “I don't know how I feel about Duo; I never have. That's one of the reasons I left. And I don't know how he feels about me. And that _bastard_ just makes everything worse.”

“I don't like him either Heero.” Wufei told him.

“But he makes Duo happy.” Heero said miserably. “If all I can do to make him happy is stay out of the way, then that's what I'll do.”

~~~

Wufei saw the tears that started to run down Heero's face, but didn't acknowledge them. Heero had never been forward when it came to grieving, and Wufei doubted Heero wanted any comfort from him at the moment. Instead of answering him, he turned off the light and closed the door gently. In time, perhaps Heero would want his input and accept the philosophical answers he could give him. For now, Wufei let him have whatever comfort his tears could give him, and walked away. 

Chapter 8

**Sunday, March 23 rd, AC 204, 9 am**

_Screams filled the air. Men dying, blown to pieces all around him. Blood running so think on the ground that it made waves like a miniature sea. Fire and chaos all around him, his skin covered in bits of gore, looking as if he'd bathed in blood. He casually killed the survivors, the dying. It wasn't that he didn't care, he was just dead inside himself, cut off from the rest of reality. He was a soldier, not a person, he had no feelings, no sense of self. Only the mission, only the next assignment to carry out. He was nothing, he was no one. He was death._

Heero came awake in a single, heart-wrenching jerk. His hair was matted to his head with sweat and his hands were shaking. He was filled with a consuming  need, his entire body demanding the drug, that sweet substance that would pull everything back into focus. The drug that had destroyed him. Even though he knew what it would do to him, having faced the reality moments before, he still wanted it with a desire so strong he thought he would die. He gripped the sheets and clenched his teeth to keep from screaming with want.

Time...dragged. Minutes, hours, or days later; it all felt like an eternity, his need slowly lessened. It didn't go away, but it slid into the crevices of his consciousness, waiting for the next opportunity to overwhelm him. Heero gasped in relief when it had faded enough for him to safely unclenched his teeth and release the death grip on the sheets.

Needless to say, this was not his ideal method of waking up in the morning. The vividness of his dreams could only mean that his heroin withdrawal had begun. Heroin had been his staple drug, but he had basically taken whatever he could whenever he could get it. Since moving back in with Duo, he hadn't shot up at all. Well, he had that one night Demetri had pissed him off. But since then, he'd been entirely heroin free.

That wasn't really a good thing. Heroin kept the need down. It was the only thing that pushed back his cravings for the drug he'd been raised on. Methadone helped with his heroin withdrawal, but did nothing for that base, primal _need_ he felt. He probably wouldn't have actual withdrawal symptoms – the methadone would help with that. But his dreams and his cravings for his original addiction would only get worse from now on. 

Depression still clung to him thickly, along with the panic and disgust that always followed on the heels of this type of nightmare. By force of will he crawled out of bed, even if what he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and start weeping. Not here – he couldn't show Wufei that sort of weakness, regardless of how kind the men had been treating him.

He stumbled out of his room and across the hall into the guest bathroom and into the shower with only minor difficulty. The hot water chased away some of the residual nightmare shakes, once he convinced himself it was indeed water and not blood. He even managed to relax a little under the spray, though it didn't rid himself of the desire for something to take the pain away.

Since he'd neglected to bring clean clothes in with him, he wrapped a towel around his waist, intending on heading back to his room to get changed and ready to face whatever was left of the day. He was not expecting to walk out into the hallway and nearly get knocked down by Wufei, who, after helping him up, proceeded to very obviously check him out.

“You see something you like?” Heero asked, after gathering the bits of his shattered reality.

Wufei finally looked up from staring and said blandly, “Gain another thirty pounds and maybe we'll talk Yuy. I don't like skinny men.”

“I didn't know you liked men at all.”

“I've had years of practice pretending otherwise.”

Heero casually leaned up against the wall and tried to pretend everything was normal. Wufei could look if he wanted; plenty of people had. And it wasn't like he had a problem with gay men either, it was just that his mind had difficulty grasping the concept of stern, stiff Wufei openly checking out _anyone_ , much less him.

“Sally said something about a marriage of convenience?” He said, trying to distract Wufei.

“Ah yes, that. It's not that I didn't like her- I can appreciate people of either gender, and there is something about strong women that attracts me. However, as much as I appreciate all my clan has done for me, I am not their son anymore. After the war, I couldn't go back to that life.”

“I understand.” He hadn't had a home to return to, but he still felt he could at least sympathize with what Wufei was talking about.

Wufei sighed. “I felt obligated to do my duty to them, but I am not going to be tied down my whole life. I want to build something new, something peaceful, not spend all my time mired in politics trying to rebuild a colony. I assist financially, but I think Li will be much better suited to leadership then I. He already has a passion for people I have never had.”

“He seems like a nice kid.”

“Sally and Mai are good mothers. Mai was very understanding about the whole thing.”

“You mean they were together when...”

Wufei's face grew hard. “It was just after you left. Sally was pregnant with Li, and the stress of your disappearance was very hard on her. Mai was her midwife, and without her, Sally could have lost the baby.”

“I'm...sorry.” He'd never thought about the widespread consequences of his actions. He'd left to save his friends from having to deal with his pain. It was becoming clear to him that he hadn't solved anything, but he still wasn't convinced staying would have been any better.

“Sally and Mai grew close over the course of Sally's pregnancy. After Li was born, Sally eventually told me how she felt about Mai. I knew she preferred women, even though she tried very hard to convince me otherwise. I was going to break it off then, but Sally wanted another child, so we stayed together officially until Jun was born, though Sally and Mai were basically a couple at that point.”

“I never would have expected that level of openness from you Wufei.”

Wufei snorted. “I am not, and never will be, as open as Winner or Maxwell. That doesn't mean I won't look if some guy runs into me.” He smirked viciously.

Heero colored.

“In all seriousness Yuy, you should go get dressed. I'll go print out all the forms you'll need, and take you home. Fill them out and bring them in to me on Monday, and we'll figure out how often you need to come in and test the security. I'll set up some way for you to yell at our programmer too. I'm sure you will have problem with his defensive code.

“Thanks Wufei...for everything. I really appreciate it.”

“Just...make sure Duo is happy.”

“I'll try.” And he would. But if what made Duo happy was leaving him alone with Demetri, well, that would be difficult at best. Unfortunately he had no ideas on how to win Duo back, especially after all the shit that had passed between them. So far they'd acted like it had never happened, but it had, and eventually that was going to come into play.

It didn't take him that long to get dressed, since he hadn't brought any of his elaborate outfits with him. He actually had picked out that blue shirt Duo had liked so much, though he was wearing it with regular jeans today. It was difficult not to get depressed thinking about the fact that Duo probably wouldn't appreciate it, since he'd just had a huge dose of his boyfriend. Maybe Wufei would like it.

And he stopped that thought right there. He definitely didn't need to get involved with Wufei. Not only would the Chinese man probably kill him, it would complicate matters beyond reconciliation, if that was possible at this point. And he didn't really want to do anything with Wufei, it was just nice to be appreciated.

_Admit it Yuy, you're just horny._ It was probably true. He hadn't gotten laid yesterday, and if he started working legitimately for the Preventers, it would probably be a while before he got fucked again. Well, he'd just have to get over it. It wasn't like there were people lining up at the door to fuck him.

With that rather depressing thought in mind, Heero headed out to the kitchen in search of breakfast. He wasn't particularly hungry, but Sally would be on his case if he didn't start eating, and probably Wufei as well. He'd brought the vitamins from his bag and he took the time to take each recommended dose with a large glass of water. Then he mixed what was left of the water with a large scoop of the powder Sally had mixed for him. It tasted awful.

Wufei had left him out a bowl of congee, which was still steaming. The rice porridge didn't look all that appetizing, but what else was new? He wasn't about to leave it there and offend Wufei, especially when the other man had little reason to be charitable to him in the first place. It went down easily enough, and might have even tasted good, if Heero was able to taste anything.

He had just finished his meal when he heard the doorbell ring. Since Wufei didn't appear when it rang, or to answer the next two patient rings, Heero sighed and got up to answer it himself. He needed to go smoke anyways. Just because he'd decided to stay away from needles didn't mean he was going to give up all his drugs at once. 

Heero wasn't sure who he'd been expecting to see; Duo perhaps, or maybe Sally, coming to check on him. He was not expecting to see Zechs Merquise, who hid the two lilies he had been carrying behind his back, and asked calmly if Wufei was available. He was obviously dating Wufei, both because of the stupid grin on his face, and the fact that he had _flowers_. If Zechs wasn't dating him, Wufei would have probably decked the blonde for daring to offend his sexuality by bringing him flowers. Of course, Wufei had also checked Heero out, which was something he'd never expected to go with the concept of Wufei's sexual orientation.

“This has got to stop happening to me.” Heero groaned. If he moved in with Sally, would he be free from having to answer the door for other people's boyfriends? The thought of Wufei being in any sort of relationship with Zechs made his stomach turn.

“Wufei, you owe me a pack of cigarettes! Your _boyfriend_ is here!” He hollered into the house. If Wufei couldn't hear something that loud, he'd gone deaf.

Pushing his way past Zechs, who was still waiting patiently at the door, he pulled out a cigarette, fully intending on beginning a day long chain smoking spree. The universe was ignoring his needs and wants however, because before he'd even gotten the first cigarette lit, Zechs turned to stare at him intently. He didn't say anything; just watched him light it and start smoking. It was freaking Heero out.

“Yamato Saito?” Zechs asked at last, finally recognizing him. 

Heero looked at him with his cigarette between his teeth and didn't say anything. What could he say? 'What's up Zechs, it's been a long time, can't believe you're the one to finally fuck Wufei?' Hardly appropriate.

“I'm Zechs Merquise. You did a party for me last year. I have to say I'm surprised to see you here. Is my boyfriend cheating on me already?”

“No, I'm not.” Wufei said irritably, appearing at the door. 

Heero was busy choking on the smoke he'd inhaled in shock to give any kind of answer, but Wufei seemed to have things well in hand. He'd done a party for _Zechs_? He didn't remember that at all. Had they...had he and Zechs...Heero felt ill.

“He's a friend of Duo's, and he's staying there. But Duo and Demetri were having a make-up fest, so I brought him back here. No one needs to be stuck in the middle of that.” Wufei explained crossly.

“I've heard Duo can be quite...vigorous.” Zechs agreed. Then he grinned slyly. “Are you sure you didn't -”

“I didn't. I told him to call me if he gains some weight, but he's too skinny for me.” Zechs' jaw dropped at the nonchalant way that Wufei imparted this knowledge. 

“Are those for me?” Wufei glared pointedly at the lilies.

“Uh...yes.” Zechs seemed rather embarrassed.

“Go put them inside then. I need to take Yamato home before we go out.” 

Sufficiently chastised, Zechs went in the apartment, and Wufei turned back to Heero. “Here Yamato.” Wufei handed him a folder of papers and his overnight bag. “I figured if Zechs was here you would want to leave as soon as you could.”

Heero nodded. He'd had quite enough of being stuck between lovers for a while. “Yes please.” He followed Wufei to his car, got in, and rolled the window down to continue smoking nervously. Wufei gave him a sharp look, but only sighed, and didn't comment on it.

“He wasn't supposed to be here this early. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable.” Wufei said as they drove off.

“It's fine.” But it really wasn't. The whole situation was a complete clusterfuck.

“I heard him say you did a party for him. Do you...need to talk to someone?”

“I really don't want to talk about it, no.” Heero said bitterly. “Besides, shouldn't you be the one who's upset? I probably fucked your boyfriend.”

“So?”

“You don't care?” Heero looked at Wufei, but he couldn't tell if the other man was lying or not.

“Why should I care? It wasn't like we were together at the time, if something even happened. You're a sexy man, and I hope Zechs had a good time.” Wufei shrugged. He'd definitely been spending too much time with Duo if that was how he honestly felt about it.

“I'm more concerned about the fact that you probably didn't _want_ to fuck him.” Wufei continued.

“I'm sure I wanted to get paid.” Heero said darkly.

“That's not the same thing.”

“It is when you're a whore.”

“Dammit Heero!” Wufei snarled, “You're not a whore. You're a warrior, and a good man, and how you feel matters. You did what you thought you needed to do to survive, and that's alright. But you don't have to lie to yourself and pretend you were happy about it.”

Heero stared at him with pain filled eyes. “What else am I supposed to do?” He asked hoarsely. “I used to have a purpose. I was a killer, but I had a purpose, a reason for living. Then I lost that, and I was just a drug addict. I tried to make something of myself, I really did. But I failed. And then, when I became a prostitute, at least I was _something_ again. I had a place, a purpose, and I was good at it. Of course I hate it, but it's not like I enjoyed killing either. I accepted it, and moved on. Everyone else seems to think I should quit. If I stop selling myself, I'll be nothing again!”

“You won't be nothing.” Wufei said gently. “You're my friend. We went through a lot together Heero. You're still a Gundam Pilot, no matter what happens to you. We saw things, and did things, that separate us from normal people. It's hard, but remember that Duo and I are here for you. Zechs and Quatre too, if you feel like letting them know.”

“...why won't any of you talk about Trowa? You purposely left him out.” Heero _really_ wanted to talk about someone else now.

Wufei's face darkened. “Trowa left us first.”

“So did I, and you all still talk to me.” Heero pointed out.

“You ran off, true, and I won't say I'm not still pissed about it.” Wufei was obviously angry; his hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.

“What did Trowa do then, that was so much worse then that?” Heero wondered.

“Quatre wouldn't marry him, because of his family, and Barton couldn't accept that.” Wufei spat. “So he left, and broke all the bonds between them.”

“He did _what?!_ ” Quatre was a powerful empath, and his power had only grown as time went on. He needed an anchor, a stabilizer to keep him grounded in reality. Trowa had been that anchor since the day they'd met. Heero couldn't imagine what had happened to Quatre when that anchor was gone.

“He basically ripped Quatre's heart out. Quatre almost died.”

“Shit.”

“After Barton left, Quatre gave up his place in the succession of his company. He travels around doing music now. It's the only thing that keeps him partially sane, and I'm not sure how stable he is, even now.” Wufei sounded more then a little upset about that.

“Can't anyone else...anchor for him?” Quatre not having an anchor was a serious problem. Without someone to stabilize him, he could go insane, or even die. No one could take Trowa's place, of course, but any sort of anchor would be better then nothing at all. 

“We tried. Duo is too emotional, and I still have too much anger. When he bonded with Duo he was cascading from one emotion to the next; worse then a rapid-cycling bi-polar. The bond wouldn't take with me at all.” Wufei sounded more then a little hurt by that. “As much as I despise him now, Barton was very good at controlling his emotions. I don't know if Quatre is ever going to feel secure again.”

“I should track Trowa down.” Heero growled. No matter what Quatre had done, he hadn't deserved something like that. And since he was the resident expert on running off and screwing everyone he left behind, he would be the best person for the job of making Trowa see exactly how much of a douchefag he'd been. And of course, a little educational beating couldn't hurt.

“Don't.” Wufei warned him. “Barton works for Relena now as her head of security. They might even be closer then that. The media certainly thinks so. You do anything to him, and Relena will know about it. And don't think she'll hesitate to tell the press, because she won't.”

Trowa had been someone Heero had been looking forward to talking to again. As the group's stand-in medic, Trowa had known about Heero's drug problem. Hell, he'd had to. When Heero had woken up a month after his own self-destruction, he'd been in agony. Between his injuries and the withdrawal, he'd _had_ to tell Trowa. Trowa had gone and collected one of Heero's emergency stashes of the stuff, since his normal supply had been destroyed along with his Gundam. 

Trowa hadn't approved of Heero's drug use, and had often tried to get him to quit. If anyone would understand what he was going through right now, it would be Trowa. But it looked like talking to him was out of the question. “I guess I'll just join the communal shunning then.”

Wufei snorted. “If you contact Quatre...don't bring it up.”

“Obviously.” He didn't want to bring Quatre any more pain.

“And...if you ever feel like letting Zechs in on the secret, you don't have to worry about him telling Relena or anything. When Zechs dropped out of the succession they lost contact with each other. Since we've started dating, they haven't spoken at all.” Aaaaand they were back to Zechs.

“It's amazing what you miss when you're on a drug trip for six years.” Heero remarked dryly. “And I doubt I'm going to tell Zechs any time soon, unless he figures it out on his own. Don't be surprised if I go super feminine while he's around. Or anyone who doesn't know, in fact. I have a reputation to keep up.”

“Whatever you say Heero.” Wufei agreed, as they pulled up in front of Duo's place. Heero knew he was having trouble picturing Heero in a feminine way. Well, he'd find out soon enough. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“I'll catch a ride in with Duo.” Heero told him, and got out of the car. “And Wufei – thanks. For everything.”

“You're welcome.”

“Don't keep Zechs waiting.” Heero said seriously, then smirked. “I'm sure you two have _lots_ to do together.”

“ _That_ ,” Wufei snapped, “Is none of your business.”

“Of course not.” Heero grinned at Wufei's discomfort.

“Goodbye, Heero. And please think about getting that ID. I'd be more then happy to take care of it for you.”

“I'll think about it, Wufei. Thanks.”

Wufei drove off, and Heero lit another cigarette, sitting on the step and smoking it and two more before he finally got up to go inside. He really wished he was smoking something a bit more potent, but at least cigarettes helped soothe his nervous oral fixation. After leaving the apartment so abruptly, Heero wasn't exactly sure what he was going to say to Duo, but he couldn't stay outside all night.

He took a deep breath to calm himself, and opened the door. Duo was sitting on the couch, reading, and looked up at Heero's entrance. A huge grin broke out on his face, and he leaped up and threw himself across the room to embrace Heero. Heero could only stand there, stunned, as Duo squeezed the life out of him with a giant hug. He thought his ribs would break before Duo released him.

“Sorry, I got a little carried away.” Duo said sheepishly. “I wasn't sure you were coming back. I'm just happy to see you.”

“I told you I wasn't going to run again. You could have called my cellphone.”

“Oh...yeah. I'm not used to that I guess.”

“I'm sure your brain was a little scrambled.” Heero said, while his brain tried to ignore the words coming out of his mouth. He would _not_ think about Duo and make-up sex.

“Heh. Yeah. Sorry about that. I didn't mean for you to get caught up in that. Did you have a good time?”

“It was alright.” He answered honestly.

“Good! Lets go get some lunch, I'm starving!”

Duo's cheerfulness was infectious. Heero found himself putting his bags down and following Duo out the door, even though he wasn't hungry. Even though he had left in a terrible mood, he couldn't help but feel better. Things weren't ideal, but for now, it was good to be home. 


	2. Drug Trip: 2nd Half

Chapter 9

**  
Monday, March 24th, AC 204, 10:30 am**   


  
    Wufei was completely blindsided by Heero's appearance, to say the least.  When Heero had mentioned that he could be effeminate, Wufei hadn't been expecting to see Yamato Saito, ex-hooker, in all of his tarnished glory.  He barely recognized Yuy's face under all of the makeup.  His hair had some kind of styling product in it, and it was unbound, falling down around his shoulders in waves.  He was wearing a ridiculous long-sleeved top without shoulders, cut straight across the chest and striped in wide black and white stripes.  Under that he had very slimming black pants tucked into black boots with three inch heels.  If that wasn't garish enough, he had layered himself with accessories – a wide jeweled belt washed in silver, several silver rings, and about a dozen flashing bangles on his wrists.

    To make it all worse, he was actually swaying down the hall towards Wufei, his hand on Duo's arm, laughing in a disturbing falsetto and making gestures with his other hand.  It was the perfect disguise – no one could ever recognize Heero Yuy in that; not Quatre, not Relena, not anyone.  If Wufei hadn't seen Heero pre-makeover, he would never have believed it was him, underlying bone structure be damned.

    Heero kept the act all the way down the hall, saying a few shameless things to Wufei with a coy smile before following Wufei into his office.  As soon as the door was closed, he dropped the fake voice.  He handed Wufei his contract and said, “Your security has some serious holes in it.”

    Wufei, relieved that they were going to get down to business, asked, “What did you notice Yuy?”

    “As much as I appreciate being treated with respect, your security should have challenged me at least once.  Just because I came in with Duo does not mean I should be able to get all the way to your office without at least being searched.  For all they know, I could be packing heat.”

    “Not in that outfit.”  Duo snorted.

    Heero raised his eyebrows a little, and smiled.  “You should know better then that Duo, considering how much junk you used to keep in your pockets.”  He then pulled a gun from somewhere, (Wufei wasn't really sure he wanted to know where, exactly,) and tossed it onto the table.  “Even if you, Duo, Zechs and Une are perceptive enough to detect such threats, I doubt the rest of your security guards are.  That's why they should check.”

    Turning to Wufei, he continued his critique.  “The security camera coverage needs work.  I can guarantee that they couldn't even see me on camera half the time, and it was obvious that hardly any of the cameras have been repaired since I was here last.  I saw several documents out on desks that should have been filed away in a secure location, and I picked this up along the way.  Someone needs to have a talk with Agent Sullivan about leaving sensitive information out in the open.”  

    Heero showed Duo and Wufei a folded paper, which was covered in security codes.  Duo whistled through his teeth, and Wufei fought down the urge to knock some sense into that particular agent right then and there. Instead, he took a deep breath, and took the paper from Heero, making a note to have some discussions with the staff.

    “You two should have noticed this sooner.”  Heero said accusingly. “Especially you, Duo.  Breaking and entering is your specialty.”

    Duo got rather red in the face, whether from anger or embarrassment, Wufei didn't know, but before Duo could begin the heated reply Wufei could practically see forming in his mind, Wufei stepped in instead.

    “You see Yuy, about six years ago, our chief of security disappeared without a word, leaving us rather short-handed.  Duo and I were busy taking care of personal matters at the time, and handed off the responsibility to someone else.  He isn't the best, but he's what we have.  Since then, we have had our hands full doing our own work, and haven't had the time to make sure that security was doing theirs.”

    Heero glared at Wufei for a moment before dropping his eyes.  “Just because I screwed up doesn't give you an excuse.”

    “Well I have done something about it - I hired you. I know the situation is bad; fix it.”

    “...you promised I wouldn't be working for Preventers.”

    “You won't.  I will need you to write up everything you want to fix and your plan for fixing it.  Then I'll have a team make the repairs and have you check in with us to make sure it's done properly.”

    “I can do that.”  Heero said with confidence.  As long as he didn't have to talk to Une.

    “Good.  If you give me your paperwork, I'll have Une approve it and get you a check for whatever equipment you will need.  Make me up an list and have Duo drop it off tomorrow, and I will see that you get your supplies.”

    “You can use my laptop, if you want.”  Duo offered.  “I never use it for work because Demetri handles all the financial stuff for our business, but the security on it should be up to your standards.”

    “Thank you.  It will probably take a while for the team to complete everything I have to say about the security system.”  Heero told them honestly.  “But I can get some better basic protections put in place if I have access to the Preventers' security system.  As for what you can do, I would start with changing all the pass codes.”

    “Ooooh...they wont' like that.”  Duo warned.

    “When they bitch, ask them if they'd like to be in charge of the funerals for all the agents whose lives will be lost if that information is leaked.”  Heero said icily.

    Duo grinned.  “It's good to have you back Heero.”

    “Yes, well...it's good to be back.”  Heero said, sounding surprised that he meant it.  Then he turned to Wufei and said, “I'll go get started then.  Thank you, Wufei.”  He bowed his head in respect, but Wufei waved him off.

    “Just do your job Yuy.”

    As soon as he got up,  Heero threw his arm around Duo and got that disturbingly vapid look on his face again.  “Duo, darling, you have got to take me home to see your office.  It would be so much more...intimate.”  And he giggled.  Giggled.

    Wufei watched them go and shook his head.  How had he ever thought Yuy was attractive?

  
~~~

**  
Monday, March 24th, AC 204, 11:30 am**   


  
    “I think its safe to say that no one suspects you.” Duo said, when they'd returned to his apartment.

    “That's the idea.”  Heero told him, sitting down in the chair in Duo's office/bedroom. He waited for Duo to unlock the various protections on his laptop, not bothering to try to hack his way through. Security in the rest of the building might be lax, but Duo was as paranoid as ever, and he had always been the best at keeping his files secure.

    “There ya go, unlimited access to the Preventers' security system.  Good luck – it's a mess.”

    Heero took one look at the files and groaned.  Things looked even worse on this end then he'd thought they'd be.  “I suppose I deserve this.”  
      
    “Yeah, probably.”  Duo sounded way too happy about this situation.

    “God, this is going to take forever.”  

    Duo laughed.  “I'll bring you some coffee later.  I've got to get back to Preventers.”

    Heero said goodbye and settled into his work.  The current programmer at Preventers knew his code, but he didn't keep anything laid out the way he should have.  Heero spent most of the day slogging through old code, fixing holes in security and streamlining all the processes of their system. After getting everything laid back out in an orderly fashion, he would be able to better tell where leaks, viruses and other problems were, and just how much work it was going to take to fix.  

    It was tedious going at best.  He hadn't programmed anything in years, and for a while, he just stared at the code, not understanding what he was looking at.  But his hands remembered how to script, and he was able to relax and just let his mind drift while he worked, and get at least a decent start on this monumental project.  When he'd agreed to work on this, he hadn't realized it would require more then a few visits to Preventers.  At this rate was never going to get laid.  

    Duo came home around five, with his promised coffee in hand.  Heero took it gratefully, and was more then happy to turn off Duo's laptop and settle down back out on the futon.  It was good to be working again, but it was more then a bit of a change for his brain, and he felt more tired then if he'd been doing strength training all day long.  His brain felt full for the first time in forever; he hadn't forced himself to learn or work or even think for the past six years, and he'd gotten lazy.  Well that would just have to change.

    He would have been more then happy to just drink his high calorie shake and eat a sandwich, but Duo had stopped for  take out on the way home.  Duo was so excited about it that Heero didn't have the heart to tell him he didn't really eat Thai food any more.  Duo talked while they ate, and told Heero stories about their new recruits, and how terrible they were, and that at least three of them couldn't decide whether Wufei or Duo was more intimidating.

    “I got to put one overconfident kid in his place already, but there's a few who will probably need it again.”  Duo grinned, with a rather sadistic look in his eyes. “I just wish we could have you kick their ass – I'm big enough now that some people think twice before taking their shit up with me.  If we have any overconfident ones, I want them weeded out now, before we send them out to the field.”

    “You could always invite Quatre to show them how it's done.  I'm sure they'd love getting beaten by a small, blonde musician.”

    “I'm considering it.”  Duo said seriously.  “Every year since the war it's gotten worse.  We got all the qualified people up front, and now we're getting rich kids who are bored, or guys who think they have something to prove.”

    “Mmm.  I'll stick to fixing the mechanics behind the system.  You can deal with the stupid hotheads.”

    “Remember that when you get to talk to everyone about security leaks.”  Duo snickered.

    “Ah, but I only have to write down their various faults.  Wufei is the one who will have to actually talk to them.”

    Duo laughed.  “Good point.  He likes doing that.”

**  
Monday, March 31st, AC 204, 5 pm ******  


    The next week kept Heero very busy.  He took his methadone and smoked through an entire carton of pot cigarettes, but he managed not to take any harder drugs.  He also suffered through a session at Sally's clinic in the regen unit.  He had to lay there for hours while the unit attempted to fix the damage to his spine, which would have been extremely boring if Sally hadn't kept him company.  She was the one who insisted that he stay extra on his first session, so she graciously decided to stay with him.  They talked about their friends, and Sally started to catch Heero up on everything he'd missed while he was away.

    All in all, Heero was doing quite well.  He didn't even go out at night, he stayed home and worked on the mess that was Preventers' security system.  When he finally  turned in his report to Wufei, it was an entire packet of papers, including all the code faults, the equipment that needed to be replaced, details on which Preventers' members were the highest priority security leaks, and an entirely new security procedures manual.

    Duo was busy working to implement the new procedures – Wufei had chosen him to oversee the security team.  Since he didn't like to hang out at Preventers,  Heero took a cab home.  There were packages waiting for him on the doorstop, probably the promised high-calorie shake powder Sally said she would make up for him.  One of the packages was an sealed envelope.  At first, Heero thought it must have been for Duo, but all of the packages had his name on them in flowing cursive.

    He brought them all inside and set them on the table.  Before he even opened them, he went to the cabinet and got a glass to mix his high-calorie powder in.  It was reflex at this point; he was drinking one three times a day, and even in only a week, he was starting to notice a difference.  His clothes were getting a little tighter, and his muscles were starting to fill back out again.  He would probably have to get new pants if he put on too much more weight, but if he kept himself in shape and gained healthy weight, he would probably keep his slim body build and not have to buy new shirts.

    Shake in hand, he sat down at the table and opened his packages.  The first one was exactly what he thought it would be; four more bottles of the high-calorie powder mix.  The next one had a note on top of it that said, From Mai.  Inside was a neatly folded pile of clothes. They were larger then the ones he was wearing right now and obviously were for Heero to grow into.  There were three shirts in it, all of them looked home made.  They were gorgeous – each one had a hand-dyed Asian design in it, and were lovingly stitched, also probably by hand.  There was also a pair of loose pants inside – once he'd gained some weight, they would hang very well on him.

    The last package was the envelope.  This one also had a note inside, hand-written in Sally's flowing script.

**_  
Heero, I've been keeping these for a while now.  I had decided if you didn't keep in contact with me for longer then six months, I would turn them over to Duo and tell him where'd you been.  But since you came home on your own, I thought you should have them.  I don't know what you'll make of them, but I thought you should be the one to see them._ **

**_Love,_  
    Sally  
**  
    Heero put the note aside and looked at the stack of papers.  He was more then surprised to see they were drawings.  All of the papers were done on cheap newsprint, and most of them had stains and wrinkles in them.  They were done in what looked like a combination of cheap pencil, crayon and chalk.  He must have done them on the street, or maybe in a homeless shelter.  

    Apparently he was a decent artist.  He'd drawn before, but mostly schematics and battle plans.  This was something else entirely.  They were portraits – drawings of his friends.  There were dozens of pictures here, some drawn from memory from the war; Trowa working on his Gundam, Wufei meditating in a bunker, Quatre and Trowa playing their instruments together.  Some were from the news – Sally and Wufei presenting their child to the Long Clan elders, Quatre at a concert, and Trowa with Relena at a benefit.  

    Then there were the pictures of Duo.  Most of the stack was drawings of Duo – awake, asleep, at work with Howard, at the Preventers, piloting his Gundam, playing video games, laughing, crying, having a complete breakdown.  He'd drawn Duo in every medium he could get his hands on, drifting from one memory to the next, occasionally surfacing from his drug-induced memory trips to draw something from the present.  

    The last two images changed everything.  The first one was a simple line drawing of Duo, sitting at a table with a mug of coffee, with a particularly strange look on his face.  It was an emotion that Heero couldn't define – it was definitely something he'd never seen on Duo's face before.  It was sort of like happiness, and sort of like hopelessness.  Could this be Duo...showing love?  Heero stared at it for a very long time.  He knew he had zero creative talent where emotions were concerned.  He wouldn't have been able to draw Duo looking like this unless he'd seen this look before.  But where would he have seen that expression, unless...he saw Duo with Demetri? Heero's stomach turned, and he flipped to the last picture in the stack.

    He stared at it in shock.  This...this couldn't be real.  It was a full illustration drawn in pen and shaded in an array of different colors; probably whatever he could get his hands on.  It was the only picture in the entire stack where he had also drawn himself.

    In this picture, he and Duo were lying on a mattress in a safe house, completely naked.  They had very obviously just had sex, and the strange expression from the previous picture was on both Duo's face as well as his own.  He...remembered this.  It had been just after a particularly exhausting three-day mission.  He had been out of his drug  for days and hadn't had a chance to get any more from the drop points J usually left it at.  Duo had been at the safehouse, and had been bored out of his mind.  He'd asked Heero to go out with him, which usually involved finding the nearest college party and inviting himself in.  He hadn't expected Heero to agree, but had been thrilled when Heero did.

    After that, his memory was hazy.  He'd gotten blackout drunk, and suspected he'd been slipped some sort of party drug as well.  Knowing his track record, it was probably ecstasy.  Whatever the case, he'd woken up the next day under a blanket next to Duo, dressed only in his underwear.  

    Needless to say, Heero was not okay with this.  He'd completely freaked out, demanding that Duo tell him what was going on.  Duo had sworn to him that nothing happened, and that Heero had just stripped down and passed out on the only available comfortable surface.  Since that happened to be the only bed in the safe house, and Heero hadn't woken up when Duo laid down next to him, he'd fallen asleep there too.  Duo had promised they hadn't had sex.

    Heero put the drawing down with shaking hands.  His hands went to his pocket, and he pulled out one of his pot cigarettes.  There was still a few packs left in his carton, and he was determined to work through them while he took time to think.  He sat there at the table in a cloud of pot smoke, trying to hold himself in the present.  But his drug-riddled brain just kept sliding back into the past.

     It had been a very long week.  First he'd had to infiltrate a base in what turned out to be a strenuous three-day mission.  Heero wasn't suited to infiltration; usually Trowa or Duo took those missions.  However, they were both busy with their own assignments, so Heero had been informed he would be taking their place.  It wouldn't have been so bad if his drug supply hadn't ran out on the second day.  Without his normal boost of chemicals to keep him awake and functioning, Heero had binged on stims to get through the mission.

    When he had returned to the safe house, there was no one else there.  Though normally Heero preferred it that way, it also made it nearly impossible to get the rest he needed.  Without anyone to watch his back, Heero took more stims and cat-napped to get through the two days that followed.  He knew how tired he was; he didn't dare try to get to the drop point to retrieve his supply of drugs.  There was too much risk of getting caught.  On the other hand, he was starting to feel withdrawal from the drug, and it was affecting everything about him.  Thoughts and feelings he normally didn't even remember he could have kept pushing their way to the surface, making it impossible to concentrate on repairing Wing and staying awake.

    Duo arriving at the safe house was a mixed blessing.  The other boy was also tired, having spent the last two weeks on a much more involved infiltration mission of his own.  Usually that meant he would pass out on the mattress of the safe house until he was ready to spring awake, filling the house with endless chatter.  Instead, Duo was quiet and withdrawn, and insisted that Heero get some rest while he watched the monitors for any sign of detection.

    Heero had been too tired to argue with him.  Duo was always much better with words then Heero was anyway.  When he woke up some twelve hours later, his body wanted a hit so badly he had to use all his torture resisting training to keep from screaming out loud.  He suggested they go out, partly because he was hoping alcohol would take the edge off, and partly because Duo had seemed...off.  If Heero didn't know better he would have said Duo was depressed.  The normally cheerful and talkative pilot was very quiet and reserved, and Heero couldn't stand it.

    The alcohol did wonders to loosen Heero's inhibitions.  He even danced with Duo a bit, which shocked the other pilot, but seemed to please him.  Then someone had put something in his drink, and Heero remembered feeling better then he ever had in his entire life.  He'd kissed Duo on the mouth in front of everyone, much to some of the squealing college girl's delight.

     Everything else he remembered...well, until now, he'd been convinced it had been a bad dream from the combined drug withdrawal, exhaustion, and his excessive drinking.  Clearly, that hadn't been the case.

     Duo was more then surprised by Heero's outright displays of affection.  Though after the third kiss, he'd stopped trying to shove Heero off of him.  Heero didn't know why, but he couldn't get enough of Duo.  Touching him felt so good, having his hands on Duo, his tongue in Duo's mouth – all of it was amazing.  

    He'd never had sex before.  Hell, he'd barely even jacked off before.  Usually his cock was unresponsive, though whether that was from the drugs or mental training, he wasn't sure.  But that night...he was hard before he knew what was going on, and everything he did with Duo sent shudders of  want down his spine.  He'd never wanted like this before, not even when he was suffering from withdrawal.  This was something new, something primal that Heero couldn't resist.

    Duo managed to get them back to the safe house before Heero fucked him in front of an entire room of college students.  Once the door was locked and the security system re-activated, all of his protests stopped.  He responded to Heero's timid sexual advances with an aggressiveness that should have frightened Heero, but instead, only made him harder.  

    He let Duo take charge, only helping with the comparatively easy task of removing their clothes.  After that well...it was all sort of a blur of pleasure.  He didn't even remember who was on top, if that term could even have been applied to the way they kept finding new ways to entangle themselves together.  He did remember the taste of Duo's cum in his mouth, and having the most explosive orgasm he ever had or ever would experience in his entire life.  He'd even collapsed in Duo's arms, managing to not only fall asleep with someone within his personal space, but voluntarily putting his head on Duo's shoulder and his arm around his waist, falling asleep to the sound of Duo's breathing.

    And then he'd woken up.  And Duo had lied to him.  Why would he have done that?  The whole thing certainly explained some of the other interactions he'd had with Duo later on, and why Duo had been so angry when Heero wouldn't sleep with him after the war.  His excuse of training and reflexes and drug withdrawal didn't even apply since he'd managed to unwind enough to fuck Duo during the war, when all of those things had been so much worse.  If Duo had just told him maybe they could have -

    The sound of the door opening thrust him rather violently out of memories and into the present.  It was Duo, of course, arriving later then usual.  He had takeout with him, as he often did when he worked past eight. Heero met his cheerful smile with a glare and a snarl of rage, and didn't even wait for Duo to sit down before going on the offensive.

    “Why the fuck did you lie to me?”  He spat.

    Duo faltered, taken aback by the violent greeting.  He toed his shoes off and set the food on the counter before answering Heero's accusation.  “What are you talking about?”

    “This.”  Heero snarled, picking up the drawing and shoving it in Duo's face.  “You told me we never slept together.  You promised!”

    Duo took the picture from Heero with trembling hands.  He tried to deflect by looking at the cloud of pot smoke, which had spread to most of the apartment by now.  “You're just high, Heero.”

    “I am not high!”  Well, objectively he probably was, but he'd built up such a tolerance for pot by this point that it probably wasn't affecting him anyways.  “Sally sent those to me.  I apparently drew them on the street.  Why the hell would I have drawn something like that if it didn't happen?”

     “Because!”  Duo snapped back, “Everyone has dreams and fantasies Heero.  And you were probably out of your mind anyways.  There's no reason to think that this proves anything.”  His words were cold and threatening, warning Heero to back off from this issue.

     Heero had no intention of doing so.  “I remember it.  I know we slept together.  I got fucked up and then we screwed each other.  I know we did!”

    “So what if we did!  You don't have to be such an ass about it!”  Duo spat back at him, before instantly realizing his mistake.

    “I knew it!”  Heero was up and out of his chair before Duo could say anything else.

    Duo dodged the first punch and narrowly missed getting clocked by the second.  “What the fuck are you so mad about?”  He asked, twisting behind Heero as he tried to grab Duo.  Clearly Heero's combat skills were no longer up to Duo's par.  

     “You're the one who almost had a nervous breakdown at the thought that we might have slept together in the same bed.  I sure as fuck wasn't going to find out what you'd do if you realized your control had slipped enough to let another living, breathing person actually touch you.”

    Heero lunged for him again but Duo twisted out of his grasp once more.  “It was my first time dammit.  I'd never, ever, let anyone in to touch me like that, and you just blew it off like it was nothing.”

    “I blew you off?  You have got to be fucking kidding me!  You didn't even remember it the next day!  It couldn't have been that great if you couldn't remember we'd even touched each other.  And then, after the war you still wouldn't let me touch you!  Apparently you only bother to remember sex when you're getting paid for it!”

    Heero stopped moving, struck numb by Duo's words.

     “I'm sorry.”  Duo said instantly, and went to put his hand on Heero's shoulder.  Heero flinched away from him.  Duo's words were too raw in his mind for him to accept such a half-assed apology.

    “Don't.”

    “But-”  

    “Just don't!”  Heero snarled.  His hands were shaking.  This wasn't happening.  All the work they'd put into making their shaky relationship work since he'd reappeared was falling apart.  He craved the drug with his entire being, wanting to drown in it, hide back in that dark, cold place and never re-surface.  Since he couldn't have that, heroin would take his memories away; it would make everything better.  And so much worse.

    “I didn't mean it.”  Duo asked carefully, clearly not trusting his own mouth not to betray him further.

    “Yes, you did.”

    “I always get like that when I fight.  You know me, I have a big mouth.  I didn't mean to imply that-”

    “That I can only have sex now because I'm a whore.”  Heero said acidly.  Duo should have known better.  No matter how upset he was he should learn to watch was he was saying before saying something so stupid.

    “I'll go get you a cigarette.”  Duo said, for lack of anything else to do to try to break them out of the impasse they had gotten into.

    “Don't bother, I'm going out.”  He said, grabbing blindly for his jacket and phone.  It was early enough that Cornelius' house would probably be a combination of orgies and strung out junkies, but Heero didn't care.  He had to get a hit.  He didn't care.

    “But, Heero-”  Duo sounded desperate, but Heero pushed past him, knowing if he stopped and looked at Duo, he'd never make it out the door.

    “Don't wait up for me.”

  
Chapter 10

**  
Monday, March 31st, AC 204, 9 pm**   


  
    It was pouring outside.  Heero ducked under the overhang in front of their door and dug his phone out of his pocket.  It took three tries before Cornelius picked up.  He actually sounded a little high himself, which usually meant there was one hell of a party going on.  “Wha-what do you want?”

    “Hey, it's Yamato.  Look.  Do you have any horse?”

    “I thought you quit that shit Yamato.”  

    “Whatever.  I'll call Marcus.”  Heero knew that Marcus would charge him more then he would normally want to pay, but tonight, he didn't really care.

    “Ugh.  Marcus is such a fuck head.”  There was a long sigh on the other end of the line.  “Yes, I have your horse.  I keep it here just for you, you know.  I'll go get it ready for you.”

    “Good, I'll be there in five minutes.”  Heero had already hailed a cab and gotten into it by the time he'd gotten off the phone with Cornelius.

    His shaking was getting worse – he could barely light the cigarette he was holding.  Some of it was probably from the heroin withdrawal, but his methadone should have taken care of most of that.  It was his nerves – the kind of memories that always bubbled to the surface when he didn't take heroin absolutely terrified him. It wasn't just remembering having sex with Duo – all sorts of nasty things came out when his memories started coming back. He felt like a little kid, scared of the dark.  He'd fought and killed thousands of people, so why did a single memory unbalance him this much? Except his memories gave him a very good reason to be afraid of the dark...

    Heero practically jumped out of the car and into the pouring rain.   He pulled his hood up and threw his cigarette away.  He ran up to Cornelius' building and took shelter under the overhang.  He tried to dial Cornelius' number twice before his shaking fingers got the right keys.

    “Let me in.”  He said harshly into the phone.

    “Already here.”  Cornelius replied, and the grate opened behind him.

    Heero slipped inside and headed straight for Cornelius' rooms.  There were a few customers already there, sitting around on Cornelius' couch and smoking pot.  Heero itched his track marks irritably.  He didn't want pot, he wanted something stronger.

    Cornelius grabbed his arm, yanked Heero into his office and shut the door behind them, locking it. Three lines of white powder were already laid out on Cornelius' desk.  “You know I only keep this stuff for you Yamato.  As far as everyone else is concerned, I only sell pot and party drugs.  Nothing this hard.”

    “I like injecting better.”  Heero muttered.

    “Don't be like that.”  Cornelius snapped.  “I don't keep needles around here, you know that.  Besides, you've got enough track marks, don't you think?”

    Heero glared at him and snorted a line.  He sniffed and rubbed his nose.  “...the hell do you care what I look like?”

    “Because I don't want you looking like a junkie for jobs, that's why.  Just...shut up and take your horse. You're such a bitch when you're craving.”  Cornelius leaned up against the wall and folded his arms, glaring while he watched Heero do his other two lines.

    It took more heroin to get him high when he snorted.  If it was pure, three lines should do it.  Cornelius wanted him to do his heroin here because he hated Marcus, his normal heroin dealer, so Cornelius was usually good about not cutting it with anything.  Heero didn't want to, but his brain was already calculating the cost of the heroin and dividing it by the number of people in the living room.

    Cornelius must have seen the look on his face, because he said, “You don't have to sleep with them, if you don't want to.  But, if you go out there high they're going to ask you.”

     “Yeah well...I gotta pay you somehow.”  Heero said.  He put his elbows on Cornelius' desk and then put his head in his hands, waiting for his high to kick in.  Snorting always made it take longer, and until his thoughts stopped swirling around, he didn't want to do anything.

    “You know...you don't have to sleep with me.”  Cornelius said.  He stepped closer and put his arms around Heero's waist.

    “You say that.”  Heero said bitterly, but he didn't push Cornelius away.

    “You don't.”  Cornelius said again.

    “It's...whatever.  It's fine.”  He was starting to feel the rush now.  Heero tried to relax and let it take him over.  He didn't want to think about his past, about Duo, about the war, any of it.  He wasn't that person any more.  This is who he was now.

    Heero turned around and wrapped his arms around Cornelius' neck.  “I still don't really want to go out there...”  He reached up and pulled Cornelius' lips towards his own.

    “Mmm...”  Cornelius kissed him back, with vigor.  “You know, my chair is very comfortable.”

    “Oh yeah?” Heero worked his way down Cornelius' neck.  “We should test that out.”

**Duo,** **Monday, March 31** **st** **, AC 204, 9 pm**

 

The sound of the door slamming shut echoed across Duo's soul, and he stared at the empty place beside him with an aching heart, holding back tears. He had been left behind, again.

Why the fuck couldn't he have controlled his mouth? He knew better! He'd spent all his time practicing watching what he said with WuFei, but Heero just made him so mad! How could he bring up something like that so suddenly...it wasn't like it wasn't a painful event for Duo as well. Even more so, because he'd remembered it this entire time.

Duo collapsed in the chair Heero had vacated, and stared at the picture in his hand. Heero had done an exceptional job rendering it out – looking at it brought tears to Duo's eyes. He remembered the night with excruciating clarity as the best, and worst night of his life.

He tried not to cry...really he did. But it was a bit difficult, with all of Heero's drawings of him staring him in the face. The way he had drawn Duo over and over made his heart ache. Just looking at them made him want to weep; it was like Heero had taken his soul and splashed it all over the paper. Heero had never been good at sharing his feelings, but he didn't need to be, his feelings came through just fine through those images.

Without really meaning to, he reached for his phone. He found himself dialing Demetri's number. He stared at the picture of himself and Heero, basking in their after-glow, and knew what he had to do.

“Hey, Demetri.” Duo said, when Demetri finally picked up. “I'm sorry. I don't want to be one of those guys but...I've got to break up with you.”

There was a long pause on the other end. “What did I do? I thought...I thought things were getting better.”

“It's not you, trust me.” Duo said, knowing he sounded incredibly lame. “I just...some stuff came up, from my past. I've been trying to ignore it this whole time, but sometimes you get to a point when you can't run from it anymore, you know?”

Demetri sounded sad. “I guess so.”

“I just...I don't want to lead you on. I don't want to keep stringing you along, and I already have been for so long. I mean, we break up and then I ask you to take me back, and you always do. And that's so amazing. You're wonderful. But I can't keep taking advantage of you like this.”

“So you're saying this isn't like all those other times you've dumped me?” Demetri asked. “What happened? Did Mr. Perfect come and sweep you off your feet or something?”

“No.” Duo said, staring at the empty apartment. “Nothing like that. I just...got reminded that I'm in love with someone else. I've always loved him. But he hasn't loved me back. At least I didn't think so, until now. I don't know, everything's so fucked up.”

“It's him isn't it. That guy who's staying with you.” Demetri said. There wasn't any anger or accusation in his voice, only resignation.

“Yeah.” Duo admitted. What else could he say? “He's - I mean - we're not dating, or anything. Hell, we never really have. Both too fucked up I guess. He's never had a nice, normal guy like you to put up with his shit. I just...finally realized I can't keep pretending I don't care about him.”

“I understand.” Demetri even sounded like he might. “I love you Duo. But I don't want to force you to do anything, much less try to force you to stay with me. I just hope he realizes how lucky he is to have you. And Duo...if he hurts you, call me. I'm not going to get in your way, but I'm not going to stand by and let him hurt you, either.”

“That's...very mature of you.” Duo said. Personally, he doubted he'd be able to let go if the situation were reversed. This was hard enough as it was, and he wasn't even the one getting dumped. Tears ran down his face, and he wiped them away furiously. He couldn't bear to have Demetri hear him cry.

“I don't want to be mature about it. I want to get in my car and come over there, and bring you flowers and chocolate and whatever the hell else it takes to show you how I feel about you. But this isn't the same as our other break-ups. I can tell. You've made up your mind and damn if I can ever change it once that's happened. I know you too well for that. Just remember that I love you, okay?”

“I...I will.” Duo said. “Demetri, if we're not together, are you still going to want to work-”

“Don't worry about it.” Demetri said, before he could voice his worries out loud. “We'll make it work out.”

“Thanks. You're too good for me.”

“No I'm not. You deserve to be happy Duo, and if this guy makes you happy...then I'll leave you two alone. I love you Duo.”

“...love you too.” Duo whispered, and hung up.

That was really the worst thing about this whole situation. He _did_ love Demetri. The guy was wonderful, and sweet. He didn't ask questions about Duo's past, since he knew Duo didn't want to talk about it. He was romantic and sexy and above all, _normal._ And he made Duo feel normal too.

Duo loved him. But it wasn't the same kind of love he had for Heero. He'd given Heero his heart back when they'd both thought they were going to die at any time. It wasn't just a crush; it had been a deep, soul wrenching love, love that he had thought was going to rip him apart. He and Heero had a desperate love; one that could be torn away at any moment and almost had been more times then Duo cared to think about. He'd tried to run from it, tried to bury his feelings when they hurt him so badly he thought he was going to die, but he hadn't escaped from them. It was time to stop running. He had to face how he felt; face how _Heero_ felt about everything that had happened between them.

He curled up into a ball of misery right there in the chair, wrapping his arms around himself to keep himself from flying apart. He stopped fighting the tears; there was no one to see him, and it was a lost cause anyways. If he could just get through this night, if Heero would just come back so they could talk, then there might be a chance for them to salvage something of their relationship. If only he would just come back...He drifted off into an uneasy sleep, with only a lonely apartment and his tears for company.

**Monday, March 31 st, AC 204, 11 pm**

 

Duo was woken from his misery by the frantic sound of his phone ringing. He had absolutely no idea who would be calling at this time of night, since there was no way Heero would admit defeat and call him after storming out so angrily, and he had half a mind not to answer it. But whoever it was kept calling back in an endless loop of what was becoming a very annoying ring tone.

Finally Duo dragged himself over to his bedside table, picked up his phone without even bothering to check who was calling him, and then answered in a dead monotone. “Hello?”

A breathless tenor voice declared into the phone, “Duo, Heero's alive!”

“What? Quatre?” Duo's brain had completely shut down when Heero walked out, again. It took him a moment to put all his scrambled thoughts back into order.

“It has to be him Duo. I just had the most horrible flash, but I knew it wasn't mine. You know how other people's feelings are – they sort of stick, and they're...a different color then mine. Anyway, Heero is the only person who projects like that, no one else can ever get through my shields like he can. I don't know what the hell he was thinking about, but he's alive!”

“I know.” Duo said quietly, his voice quavering.

Quatre grew quiet. “What do you mean?”

“He's here. I mean, he was here. But he's gone now. I don't know if he's coming back.”

“Duo, what is going on? Heero came back and you didn't call me?”

“I don't know. I was going to call you, but Heero didn't want anyone to know. The press and all that, you know? It's complicated. Anyways, we...well, well, back during the war we did it. But he was so drunk he didn't remember till now. And he kinda flipped out, and now he's gone and I don't know where he is!”

Duo was practically shouting into the phone now. He felt like screaming and breaking things, slashing his wrists or murdering someone. He didn't know what, but he wanted the nasty feeling in his chest to _go away_ , and if he had to hurt himself or someone else to do it, he didn't care.

“Duo, calm down! I'm throwing somethings together; I'll be on my way out there as soon as I can wake up my pilot. I'll be there in a few hours, okay? Please...don't do anything stupid before then.” Quatre made his voice as soothing as possible, and even though he couldn't actually project feelings from so far away, Duo did start to feel a little better. More like he could control the raging demons inside him anyway.

“I don't want to bother you Quatre.” He said dully.

“Come on Duo, you know me better then that. I just finished my last concert here anyway, so it's not like my manager is going to be pissed or anything. Besides, you've been there for me every time I've needed it, it's the least I can do.”

“Okay.”

“It's just a couple hours Duo. Go take a shower and eat something. I'll be there soon, I promise.”

“Yeah. I will. See you soon.”

He didn't, of course. Instead he just curled up into a ball of misery on his bed, holding his phone like it was his only hope of salvation. He knew Heero wouldn't call, but for some reason, Duo couldn't let go of the phone.

It was impossible to tell how long he laid there. It could have been minutes, hours, or even years. It felt like he sat there in the dark for a lifetime, his misery greater than anything he had ever experienced, equaling the turmoil he'd felt upon seeing flames rising over a lone cathedral roof. His soul was dark and empty, there was no hope.

A soft knock drove itself through the bleak wave of despair that surrounded him. “Duo, let me in.” Quatre's musical voice carried through the empty apartment.

The sound of that voice soothed him, his presence pushing back Duo's despair, making life seem less bleak. He was able to get up of the bed and hobble stiffly over to the door to let Quatre in. A very concerned blonde man stood there, holding a travel bag in his hand and a violin case in the other. He took one look at Duo's face and stepped inside, dropping both bags and closing the door before pulling Duo into his arms.

“Oh Duo...”

Quatre had been there for Duo's first meltdown, when Heero had pulled the rug out from underneath them all and disappeared without a trace. He had pretty much seen Duo at his worst, and Duo felt safe with him. It wasn't the same sort of bond he had with Heero, but they were close.

So instead of holding back his tears and “manning up,” like he would have around anyone else, he leaned into Quatre's arms and let it out. He had a full blown freakout session right there; crying and screaming and sobbing, until Quatre's shirt was soggy with his tears. He still felt horrible afterwords, but all that nasty energy that signaled a bi-polar fit was gone, and he could think clearly without all the pain and rage in the way.

“Sorry about your shirt.” Duo said, when he'd calmed down.

“It's fine. I'll just have it dry cleaned.”

“Can I uh...get you a drink?”

“Tea, if you have any.” Quatre said politely, picking up his things and moving into Duo's living room. He changed his shirt while Duo poured himself a beer and started hot water for Quatre's tea.

Quatre looked at the beer disapprovingly. “You should have tea too Duo. Having alcohol will only make your down swing worse.”

“I'll be okay. At least, as okay as I can be until he gets back.”

Quatre came over to the low counter and sat down on one of the three stools there. “You sort of owe me an explanation. What happened?”

Duo sighed and came to sit next to him. "About two weeks ago, Heero showed up on my doorstep, wasted out of his mind. He thought it was the night he'd left – he apologized and I let him in. Shit happened. He's working for Preventers again, fixing security. Things were going good. And then well...well...Sally sent him some drawings he'd done, at homeless shelters I guess, and had left with her, or something. I don't know. Anyways, he drew one of us, from the war. We...we had sex back then."

Quatre looked like he wanted to say something about that, he looked shocked beyond words. But he let Duo continue.

"Heero was so wasted he didn't remember the next day. I didn't even know you could GET that wasted, I mean, not enough to not remember the first time you had sex with the guy you'd been practically drooling over for a year. Fuck!" Duo wiped the tears from his eyes and continued. "Anyways, he found the picture, and remembered, and then we got in a huge fight cuz I'd told him nothing had happened back then and he was super mad at me and I said some stupid shit and he left and I don't know where he is!"

Duo knew he was babbling, but he didn't know what to do about it. He couldn't stand sitting there staring at Quatre, and the hot water was almost done, so he stood up and got out the mug he kept especially for Quatre's tea. He had a traditional Chinese cup for Wufei sitting up on the shelf next to it, but it hadn't been used in a while.

"I...see." Quatre said, while Duo poured his tea. He had no idea what Duo was talking about, so he started at the beginning. "Heero was high?"

“He was living on the street Quatre. He did a lot of things. You two can play twenty questions when he gets back.” Duo paused, thought about what he'd said for a moment, and stared into his beer with red-rimmed eyes. “If he comes back.”

Quatre put a comforting hand on Duo's shoulder, and Duo took a large swallow of his beer. It was going to be a very long night.

 

Chapter 11

 

**Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 2 am**

 

Heero didn't stay high for long. When he'd first started taking heroin, he'd be high for hours, escaping from the pain of his existence into a happier place. His body had a strong tolerance for drugs as it was (besides the one he'd been brought up on) and after heavy recreational use, his heroin high barely lasted for an hour. If he'd been shooting up, it might have lasted two. Usually he'd take a second or third hit to maintain his high, but Cornelius wouldn't let him, and even though he didn't feel better, he also didn't feel like dealing with Marcus' abusive habits to get more.

After he'd fucked Cornelius in his office, he'd gone out into the other room and fucked everyone there too. He knew, because his high had worn off near the end, and it was kind of hard not to figure out what was going on when you were getting your brains fucked out by two different guys. They'd paid well though – he'd actually gotten to keep some of it after paying Cornelius. Then he'd turned around and bought another carton of pot cigarettes, which he was steadily working his way through.

It was late, and everyone else had gone to bed. Heero stood outside in the rain and smoked, slowly getting soaked while he leaned on the railing outside of Cornelius' house. He should go home...but he didn't want to face Duo again. They still had that horrible mess between them that needed to be worked out, and Heero didn't want to talk about it any more then when he'd left. Especially not since he remembered fucking all those people just now.

He was trying rather unsuccessfully to get high again on pot. After a heroin high, it just wasn't the same. Heero sighed. His life was such a fucking mess. After realizing that he'd actually slept with the only person he'd ever felt something that could have been described as 'love,' he'd run off and gotten high and slept with at least three people he didn't give a shit about. What did that say about him, as a person?

Heero wondered what Duo was doing since he'd left. Was he out looking for Heero? Had he called Wufei and bitched about him? Or had he done the same thing Heero had, and gone to Demetri's for a pity-fuck? Duo had changed since the war, just like he had, so Heero had no way of judging what his behavior might be. Duo was usually loyal to a fault, but who knew what he'd do if his loyalty was split between people the way he was stuck between Heero and Demetri. Heero had no right to ask Duo to stop seeing Demetri, especially after his behavior today.

That was just the problem. Being there for Duo, sleeping with Duo, sharing his feelings and being intimate with Duo had always seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. And when Duo got angry about it, it only made Heero more anxious, stressed and angry himself. That usually made him go and get high on crack or heroin, in the days just after the war. Then he found out that he'd done just that during the middle of the fucking war. He couldn't handle it. Where had he found the strength? High or not, Heero _never_ let anyone in to his personal space like that. He'd screw them, but never cuddle afterwords. Never fall asleep as deeply as he had that night. Never feel _safe_ in someone else's arms. Except that one damn night.

“Why are you still here, Yamato?” Cornelius' voice came from behind him. He had his own cigarettes, and leaned on the railing beside Heero, lighting one and staring up into the hazy sky above them.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked, indignant. Usually Cornelius was the one trying to get him to stay.

“You know what I mean. Why are you _here_? I thought for sure, after last time, that I'd never see you again.” Cornelius confessed.

“Why wouldn't I see you again? I'm still working, you know. Unless you want me to work for someone else.”

“Don't try to make this about me, Yamato.” Cornelius said darkly. “You live with a _gorgeous_ guy, who puts up with all your shit, who doesn't rag on you about being a prostitute, who even comes to your gigs to check on you and make sure you're okay, _and_ who doesn't try to screw you when you're clearly so fucked up you'll do anyone. You can't find many people like that. And I thought, after last time, you'd finally figured that out.”

“I told you, we're just friends. It's not like that.” Heero replied, trying to keep the ice out of his tone.

“Uh-huh. Sure.” Cornelius wasn't buying it.

“We had a fight, okay?” Since when did Cornelius care about his personal problems?

“About what?” He really wasn't going to let this go.

Heero grit his teeth. “My intimacy issues.”

“So instead of dealing with it, you come to my place and get laid? Why would you do that?”

“What the fuck Cornelius? Why do you _CARE_?” Heero snarled.

“He loves you.” Cornelius said, as if that made everything all better. “And as far as I can tell, you love him. Why do you always run away from your problems, Heero Yuy? I'd think you of all people would be able to face them like a man.”

He must have heard Cornelius wrong. “What – what did you just call me?”

The look Cornelius gave him was withering. “Did you think I didn't know? Please. You're not the only one who fought in the war you know. To another soldier, your military training is obvious, even under all that makeup. You're practically a celebrity. I knew it was you the first night you came to me for a hit. Shocked the hell out of me too.”

“ _You_ fought in the war?”

“I know you five were the big guns, but there were other people who resisted OZ and the Alliance. We weren't as famous as you, but that didn't stop us from dying just the same. When the war was over I started selling drugs instead. Say what you want about it, pot makes people happy. I liked that.”

“Shit.” Had _all_ his clients known? He wasn't sure he'd be able to handle that.

“I doubt the civilians would have known. And Duo was too close to you to be able to see you like that, I suppose. He probably wouldn't have recognized you even if he'd seen you.” Well wasn't _he_ the fucking voice of wisdom.

“I'm not going to tell you not to stop by any more. Heroin is nasty shit; if you can't stand it and you want a hit, I'll keep it for you. And pot of course, you could do with some serious mellowing. But I don't want you to use me as your go-to man anymore. If you want to fuck someone, fuck that guy who's crazy about you. People like us – people who have killed and had those closest to us die – people that are covered in blood, we don't get many second chances. Don't fuck yours up.”

Cornelius flicked his cigarette off the railing and into the street below, before straightening up. He turned away from Heero before Heero could ask him any more questions, and headed back towards the house. Heero heard the grate lock behind him.

Well, shit. It took Heero two more cigarettes before he really managed to process everything Cornelius had just thrown at him. Out of all the people he'd encountered, he'd never figured Cornelius for a fighter. And he certainly hadn't expected him to spout wisdom like a Zen master. Wufei perhaps, but not his _drug dealer_.

Cornelius must have called him a cab, because one showed up all on its own about twenty minutes later. Heero got in, his mind still reeling from the verbal bitch slap Cornelius had given him. He wasn't sure, but he thought he might have just been fired. He certainly wouldn't be doing any more parties for the man after this. There was nothing left for him to do but go home, and try to face the reality of the situation. He would have to talk to Duo, no matter what it might cost them in the end. If Heero didn't start trying to make their relationship work, he was going to lose the only person who had ever loved him.

 

**Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 5:43 am**

It was almost six in the morning when Quatre felt Heero return to the apartment. Duo had fallen asleep against Quatre's shoulder, after sobbing so hard into it that Quatre expected the shirt would be permanently ruined. Not that he was concerned about the shirt at this point; he was far more concerned with Duo's welfare. If Heero had come back, Quatre definitely had things he wanted to say to him. Preferably without Duo around.

Carefully Quatre eased Duo off his shoulder and onto the futon. Once Duo had turned over on his side and continued to sleep, Quatre got up and went to the door, making sure to make enough noise so Duo wouldn't wake up simply because he heard someone sneaking around. He eased the door open; he could feel Heero's general presence and mood, which was more stormy then ever, but that didn't mean he knew exactly where the other man was.

He spotted him leaning against the railing, smoking. After that things happened rather too fast for thought. All Quatre could see was that unkempt dark hair and that stiff shoulder line which practically radiated misery, and all at once he knew, _knew_ that it was Heero. A terrible rage welled up inside him. How dare Heero treat Duo this way. It apparently hadn't been enough to ruin their lives the first time, he'd had to come back and do it all over again. Well, not this time.

Before he really knew what he was doing, he'd marched up to Heero, yanked him around by the shoulder, and smashed his fist into Heero's jaw as hard as he could. Quatre was not prepared to see the face of the person he'd so rudely punched. It wasn't Heero's face at all – he was way too thin, and he was wearing garish clothes, and that ragged hair went down past his shoulders. Quatre had never been so flabbergasted in his life.

“Oh my god, I punched a stripper! What the hell is a stripper doing outside your apartment anyway? Wait – Heero brought home a stripper?” Quatre looked around wildly for Heero. He'd just punched some random bystander! What was wrong with his empathy?

“Could you say stripper just a little louder? I don't think all the neighbors heard you.” The stripper snarled in Heero's voice, pulling himself off the pavement.

Duo came running out the door. “Heero! Shit! Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” Heero insisted. “What the hell was that for?” He directed his furious eyes toward Quatre, who was staring back at him with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Heero might as well have smacked him upside the head with a pole.

“H-heero? But you look like – I mean -”

“You didn't tell him?” Heero asked Duo.

“I wasn't going to say anything without asking you first.” Duo retorted.

“But you had to have called him. He was expecting me.” Heero didn't seem happy to see Quatre at all. It probably had something to do with the nasty cocktail mix of emotions raging through him.

“He called _me_!” Duo protested. “It's not my fault you project unhappiness across half the planet.”

“Uh...guys?” Quatre interrupted with a nervous squeak. “What's going on?”

“Come on inside.” Heero growled. “I'll explain it to you. Then you can tell me why you felt the need to try and break my jaw.”

**Duo, Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 6 am**

Quatre followed them into the house, still looking dazed. Duo didn't blame him – he'd been floored when he'd seen Heero that first night, and the revelations that had come after hadn't exactly been easy to swallow either. But Heero was back now. He almost wished Quatre wasn't here; he and Heero needed to have a serious conversation about what had happened earlier. He would have a hard enough time getting Heero to open up if they were alone; Heero wasn’t likely to share the intimate details of his sex life with Quatre. Especially since there was a good chance Quatre would pick up on more then his words. For someone as intensely personal as Heero, the invasion of his thoughts would be worse then selling himself on the street.

Duo sat down on the futon, and Heero sat down warily beside him. He was still very unhappy; Duo didn't need to be an empath to know that. He'd always been able to read Heero's posture, and that stiff back and shoulders along with his tightened jaw meant that Heero was seriously pissed off. He smelled like sex and weed, which was probably not making him any happier, and twisted Duo's stomach.

Without looking at Heero, Duo slid his hand nonchalantly across the space between them and grabbed Heero's hand in his. He gripped Heero's hand so hard it hurt. He didn't care what Heero had done while he was gone, he was back now. If Heero was bolting again, it would be with Duo at his side, make no bones about that. He felt Heero squeeze his hand back slightly, and the other man made no move to try and loosen Duo's death grip. He didn't know what that meant. Most likely, Heero hadn't forgiven him, but had decided, like Duo had, that it would be better to talk about after Quatre was gone.

That could be because he was glaring at Quatre as if he could simply will him to go away. The blonde had retired to one of the stools, dragging it over to the futon. He looked confused, hurt, and even a little guilty. Even though he was technically looking down at Heero from his perch, it was obvious who was winning that contest of wills.

“Why did you hit me?” Heero asked, when Quatre had squirmed for a few minutes.

“Because you deserved it.” Quatre replied. “You should have seen what Duo was like when you were gone. What all of us have had to go though since you left. Do you have any idea what kind of pain you caused?”

“I know.” Heero said, and something in his eyes and tone made Duo shiver, and Quatre flinch. “I know I caused a lot of pain to everyone, especially Duo. I'm trying to work thought it and make up for what I've done. Don't try and make it sound simple, because its not. If it was, I'm sure you would have patched up things between you and Trowa.”

Quatre looked away at his words and said bitterly, “I never said it was easy.”

Great. Now he'd started a fight between the guy who'd come to keep him sane and the guy he'd been up crying about all night. This whole situation was fucked up. “Anyway Quat, Heero's not a stripper. He's just gotten more...liberal with his fashion since you saw him last.”

Quatre looked at Heero's skin tight black tank and acid washed jeans, with heeled boots and accessories, and said, “I suppose that's one way of putting it.”

“I didn't ask for your opinion.” Heero snapped. “I'm a prostitute, okay? Does that offend your _delicate sensibilities_?”

“Enough! God!” Duo said, before things could get even more out of hand. “Everyone's tired so why don't we just go to bed? I'm sure everything will be better tomorrow.”

Heero turned his murderous gaze on Duo, who met his stare with determined eyes. He was not going to listen to the two of them fight for the next hour. As it was, it was a _damn_ good thing it was Saturday, because he was far enough behind in his work as it was. There was no way he could deal with work and Demetri right now, and the Preventers project was too complex to be handled by anyone else.

“Fine. I'm going to take a shower.” Heero didn't quite pry Duo's hand off his, but it was clear that he would if he had to, so Duo let go. He was just going to go shower. Duo could handle that.

Heero got up stiffly, and stalked off towards Duo's tiny bathroom without speaking to either of them. Duo hadn't seen him this angry since...well, since the very day they'd been fighting about, in fact. Quatre was deathly pale. Apparently Heero had been projecting his anger quite effectively in the blonde's direction.

“Heero is furious at me.” Quatre said, confirming Duo's suspicions. “But it's more then that. When he looks at me he feels...ashamed?”

Duo could think of a few nasty reasons for that. “You haven't been to any wild parties in the last few years have you?”

“Wild parties? Well...usually I don't go to any, but I did go to one that Zechs hosted about a year ago. It was supposed to be for charity, but all of Zechs' parties get a little crazy. Why do you ask? Duo, are you alright?”

“...fine.” Duo said, though he was sure Quatre wouldn't be convinced. He knew his face was like death warmed over; he felt like he'd been hit upside the head with a board. “Would you like some more tea?”

Without waiting for an answer, Duo got up off the couch and went over to his kitchenette. He just needed something to do, something to steady his hands. Was there anyone they knew that Heero _hadn't_ slept with? That wasn't really fair; Heero had been pretty off his rocker the first night he'd reappeared, and if that was a regular state with him, he could hardly be blamed for his actions. He'd seen kids on the street hooked on drugs; he knew what it did to you. But how could Quatre not have noticed? He was an _empath_ for god's sake. And sex was one of the most intimate things you could do!

“Duo, why are you so angry? And afraid?”

“Dammit Quatre!” Duo snapped, slamming the tea kettle down on the counter and nearly breaking it. “You slept with him, didn't you!”

“What?” Quatre sounded horrified. “I don't know what you're talking about! Duo, I've never even _thought_ about touching Heero like that.”

“Oh yeah? Sure you didn't bang a little Asian number at Zech's party? Does the name _Yamato Saito_ ring a bell?”

Quatre looked at him indignantly, as if he was going to contradict him, and then his face grew very pale. He just stood there, with his mouth open, not saying anything. Duo didn't have to read his mind to know exactly what Quatre was thinking.

“I knew it.” Duo snarled. He didn't really want to be mad at Quatre, but he couldn't help it. How could Quatre have done that! He had to have known. He _had_ to!

“Duo, Duo I didn't know!” Quatre said. “You've gotta believe me!”

Yeah, right.

Quatre could see that Duo didn't believe him. “No, really, I had no idea. You have to understand, my empathy's been shit since...well, you know. It's all over the place. I wasn't planning on doing anything at Zechs' party, honestly. But when I saw him...I couldn't help myself. Out of everyone in that entire party, his was the only mind that was clear. I know it was probably the drugs, but he wasn't feeling _anything_. It was like a still pool of water in a boiling ocean storm. I didn't get anything from him emphatically. He didn't know who he was, so I didn't know. I'm sorry! Dammit Duo, don't cry!”

Duo hadn't realized until that moment that tears were running down his cheeks. If only somehow Quatre had known, Heero would have been with them more then a year ago. It was unreasonable to expect Quatre to have known – he wasn't a mind reader, and after Trowa left, Quatre really hadn't been the same. But Duo couldn't help feeling angry and bitter at all his friends. It felt like everyone had been part of Heero's life since he'd left them, except for him. Was it his fault for trying to get over it, for seeking out Demetri's companionship, for looking to someone else to feel that empty void inside him?

“I'm fine.” He lied, filling the kettle again, and willing his hands to stop shaking. He put the kettle back on the stove, gently this time, and then leaned against the counter, wringing his hands together and wishing he dared get the cigarettes out of Heero's coat. Being high on pot would help things _so_ much. Duo shivered and pushed those thoughts away. Was that how Heero felt all the time?

“No you're not. And you shouldn't be. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.” Quatre sounded like his heart was going to break.

“Don't apologize for doing me.” A rough voice came from behind them, and both Duo and Quatre looked up at him in shock and guilt. “I would've just gotten it from someone else anyways.”

Heero stood in the bathroom door way, dripping wet from his shower, a towel slung around his thin waist, and another around his neck from where he had just tousled off his hair. He looked incredibly sexy, but at the same time, completely miserable. His expression was tired and resigned, as if he'd forever accepted his fate as the guy who everyone had done. It broke Duo's heart to see him like this.

“Heero, I -” Quatre trailed off, completely at a loss for words.

“Stop thinking about it.” Heero said firmly.

He came over to Duo's side and reached out tentatively, squeezing Duo's hand for a moment, then letting go. Duo looked at him with hurt, uncertain eyes. Where did this leave them, and their fledgling relationship? Duo didn't know what he wanted, and Heero's eyes were cold stone fortresses, sealing his emotions deeply inside.

“I'm probably the worst friend ever.” Heero said softly, before leaning into Duo and resting his cheek on Duo's chest. “I can't take back anything that I've done, or who I've done it with. Quatre probably won't be the last person that you run into that's slept with me. But if you can handle that, I'd still like to be friends. And talk about...whatever else there might be. I don't want to stop trying to be what we were...before.”

Duo wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, scrubbing away the last of his tears. “You're not the worst friend ever.”

“...if you say so.”

“I'm not promising I'm not gonna get pissed, but I don't want to stop trying either.” Duo said, fighting the urge to run his fingers through Heero's hair. Quatre was looking pretty uncomfortable already, and he didn't want to push it when Heero was willingly letting Duo into his personal space. Even when they'd been unofficially together before, Heero had always had trouble relaxing around Duo. He'd been miserable as far as public affection went. Maybe, just maybe, that meant Heero was going to stay.

**Heero, Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 7 am**

After a few moments of resting against Duo's chest, Heero remembered that Quatre was in the same room with them, and straightened up. He looked at Quatre awkwardly, and said, “Sorry.” He really didn't know what had gotten into him. Maybe he was still high.

“It's uh...okay. Heero, can you forgive me, please? God, I didn't mean -” Quatre began again.

Heero held up a hand. “Just can it, okay? Did you treat me well?”

“...what?”

“Were you nice to me. Did you pay well?”

“Uh...yes?”

“Then forget about it. It was probably on of the best nights of my life back then, okay? So just...stop thinking about it.” Heero said, a little desperately. “Look, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and I'm sure you didn't either. Could we just...go to bed and talk about it later?”

“Yeah, sure. I could go back to bed.” Duo agreed, and Quatre nodded his assent.

“Good.” Heero said. “You can sleep on the futon, if you want Quatre. It's comfortable, and I just washed the sheets yesterday.”

“Thank you Heero, that would be fine. Tomorrow I'll check into a hotel; I know you guys don't have much room here.” Quatre offered politely.

“That would probably be for the best...” Duo admitted. All of these new revelations about Quatre and Heero and everything else just made his head spin. He was grateful that Quatre had come and helped him through what would have otherwise been a very difficult night, but his presence was also uncomfortable. The relationship, if you could even call it that, between he and Heero was still very fragile.

Heero took his duffel bags out from under the futon and brought them into Duo's room. Since there was no room to change in the bathroom, and he doubted either Quatre or Duo would want to watch him get dressed, he headed into Duo's closet to put his pajamas on. He didn't bother with anything fancy, just loose black pants to sleep in. He didn't bother with a shirt.

He didn't really notice anything about Duo's closet until he was changed, and looked around to find out where Duo usually put his dirty clothes. Then he noticed that it was a walk-in, probably bigger their bathroom, and it was completely filled with clothes. There was no way Duo had worn even half of them. Besides the stuffed dresser in the bedroom, there was another dresser in the closet that was overflowing, and four sets of two racks bursting with clothes, one rack in each set hung just high enough above the other so the shirts hanging from them didn't touch. Shoe bins were arranged underneath, presumably to match the outfits they were stored under.

Heero put the wet towels in the basket he finally saw for them, crammed into the corner by the dresser. Then he went further into the closet, hardly believing that Duo could possibly have any reason to keep all of these clothes. In the very back of the closet was a rack that, if possible, was crammed full of more clothes then any other rack in the room. The first outfit on the rack was Duo's priest's clothes, and that rather sexy leather jacket he'd worn during the Maremaia incident. Obviously he was too tall now to wear any of them, but they were mended and pressed with loving care. The entire rest of the rack, however, was an ode to Heero's former life.

All the clothes he'd left behind (which had been everything except what he'd been wearing at the time) were here, as if he'd never gone away. Heero stared in awe at his former war outfit, tank top worn and stained, all the rips patiently stitched together. All of his clothes were like that; his Preventer's uniform, his off-duty clothes, all mended until they were in better shape then they had been when he'd worn them. Heero had worn all of them until they were threadbare, or Duo bought him new ones, and most of them had been full of holes when he'd left.

His Preventer's jacket stood out to him. Heero rubbed the worn camo between his fingers. The jacket still smelled like him; a mixture of grease, sweat, metal, blood and the sandalwood shampoo he'd insisted on using at the time. It also smelled faintly of lavender.

Not only was the jacket clean and mended, but it was covered in hundreds of the decorations he'd earned in his time with the Preventers. All five of them had earned more awards then the knew what to do with when the war was over, as part of Relena's plan to paint them into heroes in the public view. Duo had put his in a box for safe-keeping; Heero had thrown his away. At least, he'd thought he had. But here they were, all pinned to his uniform.

He'd hated all those decorations at the time. He hadn't felt like he deserved any of them; he was just doing what he'd been raised to do. At least half of them he'd earned while high on some street drug or another, trying desperately to keep up appearances. They were reminders of all of his personal failures, and his haunted past. He was going to brush past the jacket, when his eye caught a reflection off a medal he knew he'd never seen before. It was a small, unobtrusive star, made of a white metal that was scarred and scorched, and what looked like the beginning of a serial number on one side. It had an inscription which read “Shinigami's Wingman.” If it wasn't a piece of Heero's Gundam, he was the Queen of England. He knew that number, and that scorched metal better then any other piece of scrap in that world. He'd almost died in it. The jacket was down off the hanger and in Heero's hands before he even realized what he was doing.

He walked out of the closet in a daze. It must have taken Duo months, to find a salvageable piece of Gundanium from the wreckage of their self-destructed suits. The etching would have taken even longer, because the only way to cut Gundanium was with another piece of Gundanium. They didn't exactly make precision drills of the stuff. He would have had to find another piece with a fine enough point to cut into it, and done the etching by hand, a process of several weeks at least.

“Duo...” He said when he'd gotten out into the kitchen. “When did you make this?”

“Damn. You found that, huh?”

Heero just gave him a look.

“So you found the whole Yuy Shrine, then.” Duo said, clearly embarrassed. “I uh, made it for you for Christmas, and after you left, I just hung onto it. If you couldn't tell from the rest of the closet, I'm kind of a clothes-whore. It's stupid, right? You hated all those medals.”

Duo's words were brave, but Heero thought he looked defensive, scared even. That jacket clearly meant a lot to him. “Back when I lived with you, I probably wouldn't have appreciated it.” Heero admitted. Duo's face fell. “But I think we can all agree I was a dick. This jacket, it's amazing. Do you mind if I wear it?”

“You really want to?” Duo grinned. That's freaking amazing.”

“I'd like to think I've learned _something_ since last time.” Heero said ruefully.

“I'm glad.”

“Let me just go put it with my clothes.” Heero said, turning to put his new jacket with his bag.

“Holy shit.” Duo said. “When did you get that tattoo?”

Duo was referring to his back tattoo. He'd gotten four wings done on his back some time ago, in memory of Zero. “I don't remember.” Heero said honestly. “At least a few years ago. They look better if I'm not so skinny.”

“It must have taken them forever.” Duo said. He came over to stand behind Heero and lightly traced his back with his fingers. Every single feather was picked out with exquisite detail – it was a work of art.

“I was probably sleeping with the tattoo artist. I doubt I could have afforded it otherwise.”

Duo seemed to realize at that moment that he was stroking Heero's back. He pulled his fingers away like he'd been shocked, then cleared his throat.

“So, um, tonight...how -”

“I _can_ fall asleep in someone else's bed you know.” Heero interrupted, before Duo embarrassed himself too much.

“What?”

“Usually I have to be pretty high to sleep with clients. But with you, well, I'm sure I'll sleep fine. Unless you don't want me to sleep in your bed?”

“No, no, it's fine. I mean, I want to – I mean, it's fine.”

Heero suddenly remembered that Duo had a boyfriend. “Demetri isn't going to flip out, is he?”

“No, no.” Duo said quickly. “It'll be fine. We're off and on...and we're off right now. It's casual. It's fine.” He seemed nervous and upset; he didn't sound like he wanted to talk about it.

“Lets just go to bed, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Heero slid into Duo's bed, smelling the scent of Duo all around him. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed that smell until he was back here in Duo's bed, where he hadn't been in years. Even when they'd lived together after the war, he hadn't slept with Duo much – his PTSD had been so bad at that point he'd been afraid of hurting Duo in his sleep.

He propped himself up on his elbow and watched Duo get undressed. Duo's face turned red, but he didn't say anything, or turn around would have to see Heero's stare either. Duo had filled out a lot since the war. He wasn’t skinny and wiry like he had been before – he was tall and muscular and well-fed. He still had dozens of scars – they all did, but Duo's were faded, and didn't detract from his look – they made him look tough and sexy.

“You like what you see?” Duo asked when he slipped into bed in only his boxers.

“You might say that.” Heero smirked.

Duo snorted and turned away from him. The bed was large – it took up nearly the entire room – but there still wasn't enough space between them. Heero's nerves tangled with every shift in the bed, the sheets were like fire against his skin. Duo's scent was all around him, pulling his brain back to that night during the war, the night that once remembered, refused to leave him again.

Duo sighed first. “God, this is impossible. I'm never going to be able to fall asleep.”

Heero started to get up. “I'll sleep on the floor.”

Duo's hand on his arm stopped him. “Don't. Just...c'mere.”

Heero lowered himself back into bed, and then had to bite back a yelp when Duo pulled him close, so his head was laying on Duo's chest.

“What are you doing? How is this going to help?” He snapped.

“You were thinking about it, weren't you? Me being so close, but not touching you. Well, now we are. Touching that is. So just...relax.”

Heero started to argue, and then settled into Duo's shoulder subconsciously. He shut his mouth. It really was comfortable – not like sleeping on the job at all. He trusted Duo. Hell, he trusted Duo more then himself at this point. So why not just sleep here?

He settled some more, squirming around for the most comfortable spot. Duo finally lifted his arm and put it around Heero's waist, which was a bit startling, but it created a very comfortable spot between Duo's shoulder and chest. And really, what was he complaining about? Duo could hold him if he wanted to. It wasn't a big deal...Heero drifted off, feeling safe, warm and loved. This was a feeling he'd only experience once before - eight years ago in the arms of the very same man. Why had he ever left?

Chapter Twelve

 

**Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 11 am**

 

Like everything else that was pleasant in his life, Heero's happiness was short-lived. He woke up quickly and violently. Someone he didn't know or trust had opened the door, and just their presence was enough to set off dangerous alarm bells in Heero's mind. Duo was a little slower to wake up, but when the yelling started in, he jumped too.

“Dammit Duo, why does this always happen!” A hurt and angry voice demanded. Heero's sleep-fogged mind recognized it as Demetri's. What the hell was he doing here?

“Do you really hate me that much? It's been less then a day sine you broke my heart, and you're _already in bed with someone else goddammit.”_

“I don't hate you Demetri.” A tired Duo replied, an edge of cold anger in his answering voice. Duo's hands clenched in the sheets.

“Then why do you always _do_ this to me?! You could at least wait a few days before you go off and sleep with someone else, but you never do! It's always, 'Oh, sorry Demetri, I didn't mean it Demetri.'” Demetri's voice broke, and he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “And I put up with it, and I always take you back when you finally ask me to. I don't know if you really meant it this time when you broke up with me, but I did. I'm done with this shit, I can't take it anymore!”

Heero had never heard someone who sounded so crushed and defeated in his life. He forced his eyes open and sat up, despite screaming protest from his back. Demetri was standing in the door, a box of what looked like Duo's clothes in his hands, and Duo was sitting up in bed, swearing under his breath and glaring at him. He looked furious, and also a little ashamed. Heero could also see Quatre through the doorway; his face was a hideous mix of emotions, and as Duo and Demetri screamed at each other, he got up quickly and headed towards the door. Heero wished he could join him.

“Demetri,” Duo said, not quite looking at him, “I'm sorr-”

Demetri held up his hand, effectively cutting Duo off. “I don't want to hear it.” All the haughtiness and anger Heero had seen in him before was gone now, replaced by defeated, slumped shoulders and eyes that shone with tears of betrayal.

“But-”

“We're done, Duo. I hope he's worth it.”

Demetri dropped the cardboard box on the floor by his feet. He turned to go, muttering something under his breath that Heero didn't know if he was supposed to hear. “Just be prepared, Yamato. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean it's true.” The door slammed shut behind him.

Duo sat down on the bed. “I'm sorry you had to see that.”

“You broke up with him?” Heero asked, Demetri's accusing words still fresh in his mind. “You said it was going to be fine; you guys were casual. That didn't sound casual to me. How long have you guys been together?”

Duo mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

“What?”

“I said, about four years, on and off. It's not that big a deal.”

“How can you date someone that long and have it not be a big deal? Do you guys usually break up like this?” Heero couldn't believe it. They'd been together longer then he and Duo had. At best, they had dated for a little more then two years, if you could call their twisted version of a relationship dating. Duo had been with Demetri twice that, and now he was just blowing it off? Not that he wanted Duo to date someone else, but that just didn't seem like Duo's personality. The guy was loyal to a fault; how could he throw away his ex so easily?

“Not...exactly.” Duo hedged the question. Clearly this wasn't something he'd planned on talking about it. He sat there on the bed, avoiding Heero's gaze until Quatre came back into the apartment.

“Duo, you have to be honest with him.” Quatre reprimanded Duo, coming to the door. Quatre had been there while Heero was away, he knew so much more about Duo's life then Heero did now. He'd missed so much by leaving, he was determined not to screw it up again.

“I am being honest! I don't lie Quatre.” Duo said angrily.

“You don't lie, but that doesn't mean you're being honest.” Quatre replied, his words clearly striking a nerve when Duo couldn’t hold his gaze, and glanced away.

“I just...don't like hurting people.” Duo said softly. “I want to tell people what they want to hear.”

“Will someone please tell me what's going on?” Heero said, irritated that he was so out of the loop in Duo's life.

“Okay, okay!” Duo said. “So, maybe the reason we broke up is because of me. And is always because of me. I just...have commitment problems, or something. And it's not like you were around, so why the hell do you care? I was with you a long time, and I never left you, even when things weren't like I hoped they would be. So what does it matter what happened while you were gone? You're back and we're together, and who the hell cares about the rest of it? Besides, I dumped him because of you!!” By the end of his rant, Duo was shouting. He seemed to realize how heated he'd become, because his face turned a bright shade of red. Slowly he pulled one leg up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, playing with the frayed ends of his pajama leg nervously.

“You dumped him because of me? Because of...it was because of that night, wasn't it. Duo, you can't let that night keep ruining your life! And I care because you're not the kind of guy to...hurt someone like that. I-I ruined your life enough while I was gone. Don't fuck it up now because of me. Whether I like him or not, Demetri doesn't deserve it.”

“Why are you defending him, you don't even like him! He was a total ass to you!”

“Yeah, he was. But if you leaving him was a normal thing, and he found me living with you and then figured you'd leave him for me, I can see why he was upset. Even more so because that's exactly what happened. I don't know what I'd do if I was in his place.”

“But it wouldn't happen to you, you idiot! Don't you get it? I loved Demetri, in a way. But I was grieving Heero. You were gone, and I was trying to hold myself together. Demetri was super nice, and kind, and understanding. He liked buying me things and making me happy, and he was crazy about me. But you're the one I fell in love with first, and you're the one I laid awake at night thinking about, and praying that you'd come back to me. And then you did.” Duo paused to scrub tears out of his eyes.

“All the shit we went through together, nothing can compare to that. God-dammit Heero, you're the only one I could be with. You're like the other half of my soul. When you left I thought I'd have to settle for less then that, but now...now I don't want to.”

“Demetri deserves to know that.”

“I don't think he wants to see me.”

“I'll go talk to him.” Heero said firmly, volunteering himself before he knew what was happening. He didn't particularly want to see Demetri either, but the other man deserved to know why Duo was leaving him. That it wasn't just another fling, and that Duo still cared for him. He knew that if they'd switched places he would want to know. He wouldn't be happy about it, but he would still want to know.

“Are you insane? Why would he want to talk to you? What are you guys going to do, get into a fist fight over me? I'm not someone's bitch.”

“I never said you were.” Heero replied calmly. He got up off Duo's bed and stretched, wincing at his stiff muscles.

“I'm not going to talk you out of this, am I.”

“No.”

Heero went into Duo's closet to get changed into something that he could actually wear in Demetri's neighborhood without getting arrested. He decided on a pair of dark blue jeans he'd bought recently, and a black and red graphic tee. Then he pulled his Preventer's jacket on over that. After pulling his hair back, he almost looked like a normal young adult. He could have been wearing his father's jacket, or a thrift-store castoff. And with the long sleeves covering his track marks, he didn't even look like a junkie.

Heero transferred his cigarettes and his throw-away phone into the coat's pockets, and peered at himself in the mirror hanging on the back of Duo's closet door, giving one last effort to bring his bangs under control before giving it up as a lost cause and heading out into the kitchen.

“So, do I still look like a stripper?” Heero asked.

Quatre was brewing himself a cup of tea, and Heero enjoyed the embarrassed look Quatre got on his face. “You clean up well.” The blonde admitted.

“Thanks.”

“Don't even think about leaving before you drink this.” Duo said bitterly, handing Heero his morning protein shake and a hand full of vitamins. “Sally will kill me if you don't take them.”

Heero took them graciously, washing down the vitamins with the shake, trying not to grimace at the taste. “Thanks.”

Duo hesitated, and then asked, “You sure you don't want a ride?” He asked.

“I'd rather walk.”

“Fine, fine, see you later.” Duo closed the door behind him. “I think I'm going to go get groceries or something; get out of the house. You have your key?”

“Yeah. Will you be fine here Quatre?” Heero asked, not wanting to leave the blonde out.

“I'm sure I can entertain myself for a day. My manager has been after me to rest anyways.” Quatre assured him.

“Alright, I'll see you later, then.”

Heero left the apartment, lighting a cigarette as soon as he'd stepped out of the door. His hands shook as he lit it, and he had to suppress a sudden urge for a hit. Now wasn't the time for this; he was supposed to be responsible, to get his shit together. Cornelius had basically told him that, and even though he said he'd always supply him if he needed to, Heero knew his drug dealer really wanted him to quit. How much more pathetic could you get then that?

Even though he knew his urges were going to get worse as time went on, he loathed the thought of them. He was stronger then the drugs. He had Duo now, maybe not as a boyfriend, but they had gotten a lot of their shit worked out, and he was going to do this right, dammit. Starting with explaining this whole clusterfuck to Demetri.

**Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 1 pm**

Heero had no trouble finding Demetri's neighborhood, since it was one of the ones where he hadn't been welcome while he was working on the street. Consequently, some of his highest paying clients had lived here. That seemed to be the way of it; look down your nose in public, fuck the prostitute in private, and pay him extra for hush-up money. It'd been a good way to make a living, anyway.

He looked down at the scribbled note that Duo had given him, with Demetri's address on it. As it turned out, he didn't even need it, because Demetri was outside on his porch swing, head in his hands. He was obviously upset.

Heero looked up the small drive to the porch, and wondered if he should announce himself. This was the suburbs, and there were at least four neighbors within shouting distance. He didn't really want to make a spectacle. So instead, he just put out his cigarette, and walked slowly up the drive. Demetri's car was parked haphazardly in the driveway, as if he hadn't really cared about parking it nicely when he'd come home.

Demetri didn't look up at him, even when Heero stopped about three feet away from him. Awkwardly, Heero cleared his throat. The other man started, and stared up at Heero in shock. His eyes were red and puffy; he'd obviously been crying. Demetri's eyes narrowed at the sight of him.

“What are you doing here? Come to gloat?” He asked Heero bitterly.

“No.” Heero said honestly. “I don't really think I deserve to be with Duo.”

“No, you don't. You've been living with him for what, two weeks? I've done everything for him for years, and he still drops me for the next fashionable thing.”

“Duo's known me for a long time.” Heero said sharply, even though he knew Demetri had every right to be angry. “I'm here because I wanted you to know he didn't dump you for some stranger. I don't know why, but Duo loves me. He always has. And I'm finally smart enough not to push him away any more.”

Demetri looked at him with deep, penetrating eyes. He looked at his hair, eyes, and stared for a long time at Heero's medal-covered jacket. “You're him, aren't you. Duo's old lover – Heero Yuy.”

“Yes.”

“You two were in the war together. I never really stood a chance, did I. I was just second best.” Demetri remarked bitterly. “Duo thought I wouldn't recognize him. He liked to pretend he was a normal kid and I let him. When he talked about his ex though, I knew it was you. Your disappearance was in all the papers. And I could never mistake Duo for anyone else.”

“Duo told me he liked being with you because you made him feel normal. But you knew the whole time.”

“I didn't start dating him because of who he was. It's not like I set out trying to date a Gundam pilot. I know he's totally out of my league. A spoiled rich kid like me could never make it with a war hero.” Demetri said bitterly, running his hands through his hair in a gesture of helplessness.

“I signed up for the army you know. I wanted to protect people; to be someone other then my father's son. But they wouldn't let me join. I have a heart condition – the pressure from leaving the atmosphere would probably kill me. I've never been to the colonies, and I probably never will. I should have never been able to meet Duo, much less fall in love with him.”

Heero absorbed everything Demetri told him, with the distance of someone who didn't really know him, and who could observe his pain without really letting it get to him. But in this wreck of a man, who was trying very hard not to cry in front of his rival, Heero saw what Duo must have seen when he'd first met him. Yes, Demetri was rich and probably spoiled, but he knew that if it weren't for the fate of his illness, he probably would have fought and killed during the war, just like they had. And he acknowledged his upbringing, and honestly tried to distance himself from it. Demetri wanted to be a good boyfriend and a good person, and if Heero had never come back, he probably would have made Duo very happy.

Heero sat down on the porch beside Demetri and pulled out his cigarettes, offering one to Demetri. “I know you're not supposed to have one of these, but would you like one anyway?”

Demetri nodded, and took one. After he'd lit it, he said, “Before I found out about my heart, I used to smoke all the time. It made my parents mad, and my boyfriend at the time was a stoner, so we smoked a lot of shit together.”

“I'd can't see you as a stoner.”

“And I never thought I'd see Heero Yuy dressed as a stripper.” Demetri said, in between drags of the cigarette. “My parents had just found I was gay, and they didn't take it too well. They're super religious, and they sort of have a thing against gay guys. But when I came out it challenged everything they'd ever believed in. There was a lot of shit around the house because of it – my mom defending me, and my dad screaming about it all the time. The divorce papers showed up a few weeks after that. I started dating Ian because he helped me get away from all that. Even though I'm not really cut out to be a stoner, he was cool about it. Duo was like that too. He didn't care if I was rich, he just liked spending time with me.”

“Duo is always like that.” Heero agreed. “He always did whatever he could to make me feel welcome. I'm not that great with people, but he always was there to smile and say the right thing for me.”

Demetri finished his cigarette and snuffed it out under his shoe. “To be honest Heero, I'm almost glad Duo left me.”

“Why would you say that?” Heero asked, astonished. He knew Demetri was heart-broken – it was all over his face.

“I'm dying Heero.” Demetri told him. “The doctor says I have a few months left, and there's nothing they can do. All the money in the world won't help me now.”

Heero was shocked. “Can't they get you a new heart? I know someone who could help you get higher on the waiting list.”

“It's too late for that. Even if I got a new heart, it would only prolong the inevitable by a year or two, if my body even accepted the transplant. I was trying to figure out how to break the news to Duo but...now I won't have to. I don't want you to tell him.”

“But Duo has a right to know.”

“Duo has a right to be happy.” Demetri said firmly. “He'd been through enough shit. I'm going to sell him my half of the company and go. There's a lot of places I've never been to, things I haven't seen. I think I'll just travel until I can't anymore. There's no reason to stay around here.”

“Demetri...I'm sorry.” Heero knew it wasn't enough, but he didn't know what else to say. What do you tell someone who was dying? He'd been in plenty of life or death situations, but they had all been things he could fight, or struggle through. He'd never had to battle illness the way Demetri was.

“It's fine Heero, really. Just take care of Duo for me. Make sure he's happy. I know you two have had problems in the past, but physical touch is something Duo needs. It's how he expresses love – it's how he feels loved. If you're going to take care of him, you have to understand that.”

“I do – I will.”

“Then good luck.” Demetri stood then, and offered his hand. Heero took it gingerly, and helped Demetri pull him up.

“And Heero – thanks for coming to talk to me. It meant a lot.”

“You're welcome. Good...good luck on your trip.”

“Thank you.”

There didn't seem to be anything to say after that, so Heero headed home. Demetri's illness weighed heavily on his mind. He was used to people dying in war, but here, so far removed from the war it didn't seem fair somehow. It was as if someone had decided that he, Heero Yuy, deserved a second, third and forth chance while Demetri lost everything. It just wasn't fair.

**Tuesday, April 1 st, AC 204, 2:30 pm**

When he finally got home, Duo was still gone. Quatre was in the middle of the living room, playing his violin. He had apparently been playing for quite some time – perhaps since Heero had left, because he'd taken his shirt off, leaving it crumpled on the floor and there was sweat glistening on his forehead and his chest.

Quatre played like a demon – he moved his bow so fast across the strings Heero could hardly follow his movements. Whatever he was playing wasn't something Heero recognized. But it was powerful – so powerful Heero had to sit down before he'd taken three steps into the room.

Quatre's empathy was overpowering, projecting the wild feelings racing through him out into the room through the medium of his violin. His emotions were wild and fierce, a blend of anger, sadness, and joy. Strong, desperate emotions whirled around him, so pure that Heero couldn't even put a name to them.

The song went on and on until Heero didn't know if he could even stand it any more. There were tears running down his face, being pulled out of him that he didn't even know he had in him. Finally the music faded, and Quatre slowed his furious playing. The anger in his music faded, and he took up a slow, haunting melody. The last song had thrown all Quatre's emotions out into the world, and this one pulled them all back in. With each wail of the violin, the intense emotional pressure in the room eased. Heero even felt some of his own pent up pain and grief easing, as Quatre took in the suffering of the world.

With one last, gentle flourish, Quatre stopped playing. He blinked slowly, coming back to himself. “Oh, Heero, I didn't know you were here.” Then his knees buckled, and Heero had to rush to his side to catch him. Quatre lay there in Heero's arms, dazed. “Sorry you got caught up in that. I go little crazy sometimes.”

“It's alright.” Heero reassured him, picking Quatre up and laying him gently on the futon. He took the violin and bow away from him too, and cleaned them while Quatre recovered, putting them back into the violin case.

“It must be hard, not having an anchor.” Heero said, sitting on the futon with Quatre.

“It's difficult sometimes.” Quatre set up, motioning Heero to come and sit with him. “Sometimes I get so full of pent up emotions from everyone around me, I have to let it out or I'll go crazy. Before, you know, I had other ways to deal with it. But now I pretty much only have music. It's part of the reason my music career is going so well – I can project through it and really convey whatever the song is supposed to be about. It's a good way to let that out, it helps a lot.”

“But you take all that negative emotion back. So it's not really a solution.”

“The only way I can really stay sane is with an anchor. But this is the best I can do for now.”

“I'm glad I was able to help you, that one time at least.” Heero said, referring to Quatre's inadvertent solicitation of him at one of Zech's parties.

Quatre flushed. “It was nice. But that whole thing was – well, I really didn't mean to -”

“I told you before, it's fine. Duo was just hurt because it's hard for me to be sexual without being high. We haven't been able to...” Heero struggled with embarrassment. “I never had sex with him when I wasn't high.”

“Oh.” Quatre said. “But Heero, you've had so much practice. I mean, is it just because you know him? I find having sex with strangers is always more awkward, but if you feel differently -”

“I _never, ever_ do anyone without being high.” Heero explained. “I'm afraid I'll hurt them. It's been what, eight years since the war, and I still can't handle people in my personal space. Even though I trust Duo, I just feel so vulnerable. I know he's not going to hurt me, but all my nerves just can't handle it. I don't know what to do.”

“You know, that's not abnormal, at least not in our group.” Quatre told him. “You're the only one I've seen Duo let near him without being absolutely wasted. Over time he trusted Demetri, but there was usually still alcohol involved. Personally, I can't do anything with anyone. The emotions are too much for me. You were one of the few exceptions. Even when – when Tro and I were together, he sometimes took muscle relaxers so he could be calm for me.”

Heero was surprised to hear Quatre bring up Trowa. A pained look crossed Quatre's face when he'd mentioned the other man. Quatre was staring intently at his fingernails, a distant expression in his haggard eyes. Honestly, Quatre didn't look so good. He'd been putting on a happy face for Duo, but today he looked old, worn even. Quatre was taller then Heero was – not as tall as Duo, but probably 5' 10'' at least. He was much leaner then Heero had thought, seeing him without a loose shirt on, Heero realized Quatre was almost as skinny was he was.

“Wufei told me you all hated Trowa, but you miss him, don't you.”

“Yes.” Quatre admitted, his eyes full of ears. “So much. It was my fault he left me. I didn't see it at the time – I was so hurt and angry and you were gone, and everyone was so worried and stressed – especially Duo. And I trusted my family then. They lied to me Heero, lied to keep Trowa away from me. What I was doing was shameful – disgraceful to the family. A few hundred years ago, I could have been killed by one of my male relatives for just being with Trowa. They frown upon that sort of thing now, but my family did everything they could to drive us apart. I was the heir – I couldn't be gay. I needed to carry on the family name. Never mind that my entire family are test-tube babies and I could easily still have heirs that way. It was the principle of the matter. Allah hates those who lust after their own sex.” Quatre said bitterly. “Even though the religion is so old by this point that most followers have adopted a more open stance on many of the more oppressive practices like homosexuality and women's rights. My family is old fashioned - my uncles, anyways. I don't think my father would have minded.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Heero asked quietly. “It's been a long time, things might work out differently now.”

“No, Duo and Wufei wouldn't approve, and besides, Trowa has someone else now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn't Wufei tell you? He and Relena are together. She talks about it all the time.”

“Quatre, I'm sorry.” Heero laid a hand on Quatre's shoulder. Trowa, marry Relena? He couldn’t imagine it. He knew Trowa very well, and knew enough about him to be certain that Relena was not Trowa's type. Trowa didn't have much preference either way when it came to sex, but as far as long term commitment, he needed someone he would trust by his side in combat, someone who would take the time to look under whatever mast Trowa put on, without question. Trowa couldn't be happy with her.

“It's alright. Well, it isn't. But there's nothing I can do about it right now.” Quatre said fatalistically.

“Hey...Heero. What are you doing for work these days?”

“You know, everyone asks me that.” Heero said.

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”

“It's fine. I consult the Preventers in security now. Other then that...I still do parties and stuff.” Heero mumbled.

“Would you...consider working for me? I have a bunch of shows coming up and I could really use an empathetic ground. It worked so well that one time...” Quatre trailed off, not wanting to actually discuss the sex-with-Heero situation.

“I don't know Quatre...” It had hurt Duo so much, and even though they weren't dating or anything, Heero really didn't want to hurt Duo in any way. Working for Quatre sounded good in theory, but in practice, he just wasn't sure it was a good idea.

“I know, it was stupid, forget I said anything.” Quatre said immediately. “I know Duo would flip. I don't know what you guys have, but I don't want to ruin it.”

Heero sighed and leaned his head back on the futon, staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah. I...I don't want to screw it up either. Not again.”

Chapter 13

 

Quatre booked a hotel for the next day, but he insisted on staying around a few more weeks until things settled down between Duo and Heero. He claimed he could afford to take the time off, and they were his friends, dammit, and he was going to stay until they didn't need him anymore. Demetri had called to let Duo know that he was going to be traveling and he wanted to sell his half of the business, which meant Duo was up to his eyebrows in paperwork. Heero tried to help at first, but all the legal terms gave him a headache, and he was more than happy to let Quatre take over.

He spent the next week being miserable. His withdrawal symptoms were much worse following his heroin binge, and he spent several horrible days wanting to claw his way out of his own skin. In theory, methadone prevented any physical withdrawal symptoms, but for Heero it was only partially successful. His wonderfully engineered body which had been so helpful during the war continued to resist drugs afterwords, both helpful and hurtful. He resisted the methadone as much as the heroin. And he often forgot to take it, which only made things worse.

So he wasn't as sick as he could have been, but he wasn't happy either. He managed to keep his discomfort from Duo, mostly by staying out of the way and smoking on the steps out front. Quatre wasn't so easily fooled. He shot Heero several worried glances, but since Heero refused to talk about it, Quatre didn't pry. He was still ashamed of what they had done, and didn't seem to want to talk about anything, just in case it came up.

Finally, after days of paperwork, Duo threw up his hands and exclaimed, “Enough! I need a damn break! Lets go get something to eat. Oooh! And beer. There needs to be beer.”

“I'm hungry.” Quatre agreed. “I could go for some food.”

“Alcohol is good.” Heero admitted.

“Awesome. There's this new sushi place downtown that I wanna take us to. They've got hibachi there and everything. I'm going to go call and make a reservation.” Duo grinned, pulling out his phone and bouncing off to make the call.

That left Heero and Quatre along. Quatre stared at him awkwardly. Heero looked back at him and cleared his throat.

“While we're out...just call me Yamato, okay? Duo already knows, but I thought I'd mention it to you. Eventually someone will realize I've come back from the dead, so to speak, but I'd rather put that off as long as possible.”

“Of course. We'll probably get photographers on us while we're out.” Quatre warned him. “After this long we don't warrant the front page unless something drastic happens, but we're still celebrities, unfortunately.”

“And I'm a relatively famous stripper.” Heero informed him. “I'm sure someone will recognize me, and there will probably be some scandalous tabloid pages.”

Quatre didn't seem to know what to say to that.

“I'm going to go get ready now.” Heero said.

“Yeah, sure.” Quatre said, still staring guiltily at the wall. “Go ahead.”

Heero went into Duo's room to get ready. Even though Quatre wasn't sleeping on the couch anymore, Heero had stayed in Duo's room. Duo hadn't complained; he actually seemed pleased that Heero was able to sleep so close to him now. They still hadn't kissed or even spoken about any kind of relationship things since their last big fight, but they were sleeping together now. That was something.

In the interest of keeping his slutty cover, Heero chose to wear his very low black suede pants with a red silk shirt, which he left unbuttoned rather lower than necessary. He put his four inch stiletto boots on, and picked out a silver chain that he fastened around his neck. He put half a dozen bangles on his wrists, and finished off his look with a leather and silver studded belt..

Trying to do his makeup in Duo's tiny bathroom was a difficult experience, so he pulled out his makeup bag and sat at Duo's desk to do it. He kept it pretty light, but put foundation, silver eye shadow and black eyeliner. He was tempted to wear silver lipstick, but didn't feel like making Duo and Quatre too uncomfortable.

He left his hair down, because Duo liked it better that way, even though it was practically unmanageable. Lastly, he picked out a black suede jacket with white fur trim to wear once they left.

“Damn.” Duo said. “You look gorgeous.”

“Thanks.” Heero said. “Think anyone will recognize me?”

“In that outfit? They'll be too busy staring at your ass.” Duo chuckled. “It's weird seeing you in makeup though. Quatre's gonna flip.”

Heero deliberately sat down on the bed to watch Duo change. Duo smirked at him, but didn't complain. He disappeared into his closet for a few minutes, and came back out again shirtless, but now wearing loose blue washed jeans. They had obviously been tailored to him, because they fit him in all the right places. Heero smiled, and didn't even pretend he wasn't checking Duo out.

Duo had picked out a black button up shirt with a special grain in it. When he moved, the black fabric flashed like snake scales. On someone as fit as Duo, it had a tantalizing effect. He took his braid out so he could brush it, and Heero whistled at the waterfall of hair that cascaded over Duo's shoulders and down his back.

“It's grown.”

“I trim the split ends off, but it keeps growing.” Duo said, “I figured it'd stop growing eventually, but not so far.”

Heero watched, fascinated, as Duo flipped his hair over and started brushing it upside down. Once he'd gotten most of the knots out, he straightened back up to finish brushing it out. “Brushing upside down increases volume and hair growth.” Duo explained with a smile. “You don't need it because your hair is stupid thick. But mine really thins out near the bottom of my braid.”

With years of practice he gathered his hair together and quickly braided it behind his back into a long, tight braid. Then he picked his cross necklace up off his nightstand and put it on.

“Alright. Ready to go?”

“Mmhmmm.” Heero said, jerking his head up from where he'd been staring at Duo's ass. He was horny dammit. It'd been nearly a week since he'd been laid last, and his body informed him that it had been too damn long.

“C'mon, you can check out my ass later.” Duo grinned.

“I'm the stripper. You're supposed to be checking out _my_ ass.”

Heero got up and followed him out into the living room where Quatre was waiting. The blonde was wearing the same baby blue shirt and designer jeans he'd been wearing earlier. He had on a necklace made of coral and hemp. It was a totally different style then Duo or Heero, but it suited him. And with black spiral gauges in his ears and the tribal tattoo winding down his left arm, he managed to look pretty badass.

“Holy shit Heero, You look...damn.”

Heero smirked at Quatre's flabbergasted expression.

“Hey, what about me?” Duo protested.

“You look good too, don't get me wrong.” Quatre said, “But...”

“Yeah, I know.” Duo said. “He carries off makeup pretty well.”

“Yeah.” Quatre agreed.

“Anyways, if we leave now, we should just make our reservation.” Duo said.

“We can take my rental so we won't have to cram all together in your truck.” Quatre offered. “And I'm not supposed to drink anyways. So I can be the designated driver.”

Heero grabbed his wallet, phone, and cigarettes as they headed out. “Mind if I smoke?”

“Sure, as long as you keep the windows down.” Quatre agreed.

“Can I have one too?” Duo asked.

They piled into Quatre's black rental car and Heero rolled his window down and lit a cigarette, then gave his cigarettes and his lighter to Duo.

“Thanks, Heero.”

“I thought you quit smoking, Duo.” Quatre said.

“Yeah, well, Heero's a bad influence.” Duo replied.

“Sorry.”

“Eh, it's fine. You're not bitching at me to quit now.” Duo grinned.

“Well, if you two are going to be unhealthy, count me in too.” Quatre said.

“You naughty thing you.” Duo said, and handed him a cigarette.

Quatre grinned back at him and leaned in to let Duo light his cigarette for him. There was something intimate between the two of them. Logically it made sense – both Heero and Trowa had left them behind, I was natural they would reach out for each other. But it still gave Heero a nasty feeling in his stomach. He hadn't felt jealous since he and Duo had worked together in Preventers. Heero had watched Duo laughing and flirting with co-workers, harmless flirting he'd said. It hadn't made Heero feel any better, especially when he knew he himself was incapable of that sort of easy communication with Duo. This was much worse, somehow. It wasn't just anyone; it was Quatre – someone who had been through the same shit they all had. Someone who probably knew Duo better then Heero did. Heero suddenly realized how horrible it must have been for Duo to find out Heero had slept with Quatre. He didn't know what he'd do if he found out the reverse was true.

“Thanks Duo.” Quatre said.

“No problem.” Duo said, handing them back to Heero.

“Thanks for the cigarettes Heero.” Quatre added.

“Sure.” Heero said automatically. He let Duo and Quatre chatter on the way to the restaurant, preferring to look out the window and smoke. As much as he'd changed in the last six years, he still hadn't developed much conversationally. Of course, there were only so many things to say when you were getting nailed to a mattress six or seven nights a week.

“Ooh! There it is!” Duo exclaimed, pointing to a brightly lit sign that said, “Kuro's authentic Japanese cuisine. Now open.” Underneath the English words there were hand-painted hiragana symbols proclaiming the same thing in Japanese.

They parked on the side of the street and walked across to the restaurant. “Well, it looks nice.” Quatre commented.

“C'mon, c'mon, before they give our table away!” Duo urged. He seemed very excited.

Even as they walked across the street, people seemed to notice them. Heero saw more than one cellphone being raised to take photos. Of course, being a trendy new restaurant, Kuro's was bound to attract tourists. Which would attract photographers as people posted celebrity sightings on their various web pages and social sites. It wasn't like they were trying very hard to be discreet, with Duo's braid flying out behind him like a flag.

Duo and Quatre seemed used to it, they didn't even blink at their photos being taken. Heero took care to put a little bit of extra sway into his step. An Asian girl and her companion squealed and pointed excitedly. Well, at least someone appreciated his appearance.

Duo walked proudly to the counter and greeted the hostess in impeccable Japanese. Heero had coached him endlessly during the war to correct his natural accent, and he spoke the language like a native now. She seemed surprised and pleased, and directed them to their seats with a smile and a bow.

They had an entire hibachi table to themselves. Quatre took a waiter aside and discreetly asked if they could buy out the empty seats. There would already be hushed whispers and cellphone photos; they would prefer not to have so-called fans bothering them at their table. The waiter seemed to recognize Quatre and agreed easily, asking them to 'of course, please enjoy your meal.'

A few minutes later he returned to take their drink order. Quatre ordered tea, Duo asked for a Sapporro and Heero ordered a large hot sake. The waiter seemed shy around Heero, but embarrassed glances told Heero that he was thoroughly, (though politely and discreetly) being checked out.

“Alright!” Duo said, after their waiter had gone to get their drinks, “Let's get some sushi!”

“And hibachi, since we booked a whole table.” Quatre added.

“Well, yeah. Who do you think you're talking to? I can eat like, fifteen sushi rolls by myself!”

“Then it's a good thing I'm paying, isn't it.” Quatre smirked. Duo loved spending his money.

“ _Somebody's_ gotta spend that inheritance for ya!”

“What about you Yamato, what do you want?” Quatre asked, trying to draw Heero into the conversation.

“Sake.” Heero said firmly. A nearly indiscernible thread of worry flashed across Duo's face. So Heero continued, “And the spiciest sushi rolls they have.” If it was spicy enough, he might even be able to taste it.

“Awesome!” Duo said. “I love spicy sushi!”

“You like everything.”

“True!”

Their waiter came back with their drinks and then took their orders. Heero also ordered a steak hibachi, to avoid the rudeness of sitting at a hibachi table and not ordering hibachi. The waiter blushed when Heero addressed him.

“Of course, Yamato-san.*” He said politely, and bowed low before leaving.

Heero was startled, but managed not to ask him where he knew him from. Obviously it was a sexual thing, based on the waiter's blush and Heero's own street job. But when would the severe and polite Japanese waiter ever have participated in the kind of parties that Yamato Saito worked at? Heero couldn't let it go, and continued to mull over the problem.

“Well, so much for not being recognized.” Duo said dryly.

It was Heero's turn to blush. “Sorry.”

“Nah, it's alright. Less chance they'll notice your 'underlying bone structure.'” Duo smirked. “Besides, if that waiter actually could be persuaded to undress, I bet he's sexy as hell.”

Heero snorted. “Few people are as enlightened as our esteemed Zen Master.”

Quatre looked confused.

“Wufei said he could tell who Yamato was from his bone structure.” Duo explained. Quatre smiled.

“I'm glad he's less angry, but I'm not sure all the philosophizing is easier to bear with.”

“You should see him with Zechs. Philosophy is all they talk about.” Duo said. Well, and sex, but he wasn't going to tell that to Quatre. He had a hard enough time thinking about Wufei and sex with Zechs in the same sentence as it was.

“It's so weird that they're together.” Quatre said. “Of all the people I expected him to be with, it wasn't Zechs.”

“He likes blondes.” Heero said dryly. Quatre and Duo seemed surprised that Heero had remarked on that.

“I didn't even know he was gay.” Duo confessed. “I mean, god, you and Wufei were the only straight ones, I thought.”

“Wufei maintains he's bisexual. He likes tall, muscular men.” Heero informed him, simply to see the look on Duo's face. It was priceless.

“...I'm not even going to ask how you know that.” Duo said, when he'd recovered from the shock.

“He said I wasn't his type. He's taller than me, and I'm too skinny.”

Duo and Quatre just stared at him.

Heero sighed. “I stayed the night with him while Duo and Demetri were making up.”

“Oh.” Duo said. “I didn't know you stayed with Wufei.” He'd thought Heero had been at his dealer's house, since that's where he usually went.

“He was kind enough to let me stay.” Heero said stiffly, remembering the circumstances that led to him leaving.

The waiter returned then. All their meals came with a house made miso soup and salad, which looked delicious. The waiter kept his composure as he set their food in front of them a refilled their drinks.

“Enjoy. The hibachi chef will be out soon.”

They thanked him and everyone started in on their food. Heero was determined to drink as much as possible, and made it through most of his first bottle before he even touched his salad.

A flash of light at his back made Heero almost jump out of his skin.

“Signal the reporters.” Duo sighed. “I'm sure we'll be on the front page.”

“Especially if they recognize me.” Heero agreed. “It'll be in all the tabloids – 'Gundam Boys seen with prostitute.'”

“Good.” Quatre said grimly. “Maybe Trowa will see it.” He got a distinctly angry look on his face before he forced it down.

Their waiter rushed over. “I am so sorry,” He said profusely, “The head chef has told me to ask you if you would like us to make them leave.”

“It's fine.” Heero insisted. “It doesn't really bother us, and it's good publicity for the restaurant.”

“If you're sure, Yamato-san.”

“Yes.”

The waiter bowed, and then left. Heero was going to go crazy if he didn't remember where in hell he'd met the kid before. He finally remembered, just as the hibachi chef was coming out to cook their meals.

_His name was Kazu Matsuo, and he had been a waiter at another restaurant then, where Heero was performing. He couldn't remember who's party it was, but they had decided hiring the restaurant's staff was cheaper than hiring a third party waiting service, since the restaurant had the reputation of being discreet._

_Kazu had been very kind to Heero, not giving him the barely concealed looks of disgust the rest of the staff were giving him. He seemed genuinely concerned when Heero had had so much to drink he could barely stand, and had helped him to the bathroom between shows, even holding back his hair as Heero vomited alcohol into the toilet._

_That night, instead of going home with any prospective clients, he followed Kazu to his bunk above the restaurant and proceeded to give the young man the most mind blowing fuck he'd ever had. It had been nice to be with someone who appreciated him, instead of the dirty old bastards who just liked to use him because they were tired of their mistresses and wanted to switch things up a bit._

_Kazu had actually thanked him the next day. “I've never had anyone be so...gentle with me.” He said shyly. “It didn't hurt at all. I didn't even know it could feel good like that.”_

_Heero was stunned. “But...I wasn't gentle at all. I just made sure you liked it. Who fucks you harder than that?”_

_Kazu looked away. “My boyfriend is very demanding.” He said. “Anyways, I have to go to work. You can shower and eat breakfast, if you like. Goodbye.” He gave Heero an inappropriately low bow, and left._

_Heero headed downstairs sometime later, when he heard the yelling._

_“I know you fucked that whore Kazu, don't even try to pretend otherwise. Iwamoto saw you go upstairs with him. How_ dare _you sleep with someone else? Do you think you're actually worth someone else's time? You're a disgusting little bitch, and you're_ mine _. What would you do if I wasn't here to tell you what to do, huh? Dirty little whore. I should fuck you right here, since you like being a whore so much.”_

_He could hear Kazu crying. He heard the sound of someone getting hit, and then more crying. He raced down the stairs and saw Kazu with a much larger man, who was gripping Kazu's wrist so tightly it was already starting to bruise. Kazu had a black eye and there were tears running down his face. The larger man was trying to take Kazu's pants off with one hand, and the only reason he hadn't succeeded yet was that he was very clearly still drunk from the night before._

_Heero barreled down the stairs into him, startling him so much he let go of Kazu as he was shoved into the concrete wall. “I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you don't deserve to be within a mile of a sweet kid like Kazu.” He snarled._

_“So your whore is fighting your battles now Kazu?” The drunk man sneered, obviously recognizing Heero._

_He staggered off the wall, right into Heero's fist. Heero punched him so hard his head flung back and smacked into the concrete behind him with a sickening crunch. The man crumpled onto the stairs. Kazu was shocked. He stared down at his boyfriend as if he couldn't believe what had happened. Heero got him out of the stairwell and into the kitchen, where he put ice on Kazu's wrist and face, and called the police._

_When the cops had arrived, he'd given his statement, held Kazu's the entire time he'd given his statement, and waited around to be sure that if anyone was going to be arrested, it would be the other man. He then had tried to get Kazu to come back home with him, but the younger man had refused. When Heero had gone back to check on him a few days later, Kazu was gone, and neither his landlord nor his employer had had a forwarding address._

Heero slowly came back to the present, finding that he had apparently spaced out through the entire hibachi demonstration, and had been eating his food on auto-pilot; it was almost half gone. Quatre and Duo were still chatting a way, enjoying their food and having a good time.

Heero didn't know how obvious it had been that he hadn't been paying attention to life for the last twenty minutes or so. He rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat, and took a very long drink of his sake. He tried to pretend he didn't feel a nasty stab of jealousy watching Duo and Quatre having fun. But since he'd been too busy thinking about an old lay to even talk to them, he really had no right to feel jealous. It didn't stop him from feeling that way though.

He concentrated on his food, which, surprisingly, he could actually taste. It wasn't a lot, but he could taste the spiciness of the sushi – it wasn't bitter and disgusting the way most food tasted to him. Maybe Sally was right – lying in the regen unit seemed to be helping already, and he'd only been in it twice.

“More sake for you, Yamato-san?”

“Yes, please.” Heero said. Then he realized it was Kazu, and he was damned if he wasn't going to say something about it. “Kazu-san, how have you been? You moved, and I couldn't find you.”

“Yamato-san, I'm sorry. I had to move – Chef Nakamura fired me. My boyfriend was his son.”

“Oh.” Heero didn't know what to say. “I'm sorry.”

“No, I am very grateful. I am much happier since meeting you, Yamato-san. I got a job here, and Sohei-kun, I mean, the Head Chef and I...” He trailed off.

“You're together.”

“Yes.” Kazu blushed. “His family owns the restaurant, and he is very young to be the Head Chef. He's very kind, like you, Yamato-san.”

“Thank you.” Heero said, not quite believing his ears.

“Please, let me know if you are being bothered by the photographers. Yammamoto-sama will not tolerate them bothering you. When you are ready to go, we will let you out the back so you will not have to speak to them.”

“Again, thank you so much Kazu-san, it's too much.”

“It is no problem. Let me get you more sake.” Kazu brought him two bottles this time, and poured the first one before him, before bowing again and heading off to another table.

“Damn Yamato, what was that all about?” Duo asked when Kazu had gone. “You guys were speaking so fast I couldn't follow it.”

“Oh. Um...I was sort of his first.” Heero said softly. “Well, he had a shit boyfriend who'd been...well...basically raping him, but I was his first real sex partner. He's grateful. He said we could leave out the back to avoid the reporters.”

Duo had a strange expression on his face. “That's very generous of them.” If Heero didn't know better, he'd say that Duo was jealous.

“He's a very sweet kid. He was very nice to me.” Then Heero took a long drink of his sake and admitted, “It would be nice to go somewhere where I _haven't_ slept with someone who works there.”

Duo turned red, because he knew Heero was saying that for his benefit, and replied, “Well, you're incredibly sexy, so I can't really be surprised. Do you mind if I have some of your sushi?”

“No, go ahead.”

“Holy shit Yamato!” Duo gasped after trying one. “This is so spicy! How can you eat it like that?”

Heero shrugged. He wasn't going to bring up a severed spine at dinner. “It's not that bad.”

“Yeesh! Yep, you're a monster.” Duo grinned, and went back to devouring his own food. They ate and drank and drank some more for the next hour, until Heero's head was spinning with the amount of alcohol he'd had. When they left, Heero insisted on paying for his own food, and left Kazu a substantial tip. Kazu let them out the back, and gave Heero a tentative kiss on the cheek before running back inside, completely embarrassed.

Quatre drove them back, and Heero used the pretense of being too drunk to sit up to lie on Duo's shoulder. Duo put his arm around Heero and absently ran his fingers through Heero's hair. It was a relatively possessive action for Duo, but Heero didn't mind. He actually sort of liked it.

 

**Duo, Wednesday, April 9th, AC 204, 1 am**

“Okay, bye Quatre.” Duo said, and helped carry a very drunk Heero up the stairs. He wouldn't stop laughing, though Duo had no idea what he thought was so funny.

Duo fumbled with the keys. Heero's hot breath was against his ear, and it was distracting. Not to mention Heero was practically _draped_ over him, and in leather pants, too. He finally managed it, and they stumbled inside.

“Finally.” Heero said, and slammed the door shut behind them. He didn't seem drunk any more. He practically lunged for Duo, one hand snagging Duo's shirt, the other going straight to his cock.

“Heero, what -” Heero yanked Duo's head down and kissed him savagely, kneading Duo's growing erection though his pants.

“What are you-” Duo gasped between breaths. It was hard to focus with Heero-fucking-Yuy sticking his tongue down Duo's throat. When the hell did Heero's tongue get so _long?_

“I-”

He didn't really know what he was trying to say. It seemed important, somehow, that he protest this course of action but if you'd asked him at that moment, he couldn't have said why. Heero was practically massaging his package right there in the living room, and Duo's cock certainly didn't see anything wrong with the present state of affairs.

“Um, Heero-” He tried again.

Heero wasn't interested in listening to whatever Duo was trying to say. He had managed to unbutton Duo's jeans without him noticing, and yanked both his jeans and his underwear off at the same time, right down to his ankles.

“Are-are you sure-”

Heero put both of his strong hands on Duo's hips and pushed them back into the living room. Duo kicked the rest of his pants off along the way. Then Heero shoved him down onto the futon without much effort and shoved Duo's legs apart, exposing his very hard erection.

“-that....that you really want-”

Heero pulled a condom out of his pocked, ripped it open and put it onto Duo's cock with one smooth motion. God, just watching Heero open condoms was so sexy he wanted to come.

“to-uh...um...”

Heero stroked Duo's cock for a few moments, then leaned over and took all nine inches of Duo's cock straight down his throat.

“Unh....” All of Duo's protests dissolved into a moan of sheer pleasure. Heero was fucking _good_ at this. Even through a condom it was hands down the best blowjob he'd ever gotten. Just looking down at Heero's dark head of hair between his legs made Duo's cock throb. He'd only dreamed about this for years, ever since they'd fucked. He wanted to put his hands in Heero's hair.

Heero was fucking him with his throat, his tongue licking along Duo's shaft and teasing his balls. He didn't seem to have any problems taking Duo's whole length in his mouth, even though Duo wasn't a small guy by any means, either in length or width. Objectively Duo knew that Heero could independently control every muscle in his body, including his gag reflex, and that he could hold his breath for close to four minutes. He'd never thought about that in this context before, and put into practice, it was an entirely new and downright orgasmic concept.

He didn't know how long he could last. It had been an embarrassingly short time since Heero had started fucking him, but he was already feeling his balls tightening for orgasm. Heero started working his cock, his tongue stroking up and down while he massaged Duo with his throat. He went slowly at first, and then picked up the speed, fucking Duo with his whole mouth. It wasn't going to be much longer; he could feel shivers of pleasure radiating out of his cock into the rest of his body.

“A-ah, Heero, I'm gonna-” He tried to pull away. At least, that's what he thought he was doing, but instead he ended up tangling his hands in Heero's hair and pulling him closer instead of pushing him away.

The sight of Heero buried between his legs, working him so vigorously, and not even caring that Duo was using his grip on his hair to shove Heero deeper onto his cock, pushed Duo over the edge. He exploded in pleasure, his entire body spasming, hands tightening in Heero's hair. His orgasm went on and on, until he thought he was going to pass out from sheer ecstasy.

Finally it ended, and Duo collapsed, exhausted and drained, back onto the futon. He tried to say something, thank Heero or apologize, he wasn't sure which. All that came out was a rather heated moan.

After Duo had finished, Heero gave a low moan himself and unzipped his pants. Duo watched him pull out his own swollen dick and start stroking it frantically. He almost got hard again at the sight of Hero's dick. All that was from giving Duo head? God...that was sexy.

It didn't take Heero very long. He came in five quick jerks and then collapsed bonelessly into Duo's lap. He was grinning like a maniac. “Like it?”

“I-I think it's safe to say that.” Duo fought for breath, for coherency. He wasn't going to pass out like some kid after his first blow job. Except that _had_ been the first time anyone had been able to take him in all the way like that. But that didn't make it his first.

“That was weird.” Heero said, a few moments later.

“What?” Duo asked. Why would he say that?

“I don't usually...orgasm.” Heero said. He sounded like it was difficult for him to explain as it was for Duo to understand. “I mean, I cum sometimes, but it doesn't usually do anything for me.”

“Really? That seems weird to me.”

“Well, think about it.” Heero raised his head up to look at him. “If I got off every time, how would I keep going all night?”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

Heero sighed and got up. He took Duo's condom off and threw it in the trash, and went to go get a paper towel from the kitchen, which he used to rub his own cum out of the carpet. “Sorry about the rug.” He threw that away too and came to sit by Duo.

“What?” Duo started awake. Between the alcohol and the orgasm he'd slipped off for a moment. “Oh. It's fine Heero. It's not like my rugs are pristine or anything. Heero...are you sure this was okay? I mean...”

“Can we not talk about this right now? I had a good time, and you did too....right?” Heero said tiredly.

“Well, obviously.” Duo gestured to himself.

“Good. As far as I'm concerned that's the important part. That's the part I understand.” Heero explained. “But if you want to talk about how it affects 'us' and whether there should be an 'us,' or what the status of our relationship is, well, I'd rather deal with that tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Duo gave in. What else could he do? He couldn't discuss their relationship alone.

“I won't forget,” Heero added, answering Duo's unspoken worry.

“Thanks.”

He must have drifted off again, because the next thing he knew, Heero was standing next to him in boxers and a wife beater, tugging on his shirt. “Come to bed with me.”

Duo smiled. Whatever the status of their relationship was, Duo decided he liked the sound of that.

*For anyone who doesn't know, this is significant. As a customer, if the waiter knew his name, he should have been referred to as 'Saito-sama.' The use of his first name and more familiar honorific of 'san' means that the waiter knows him quite well, even if Heero doesn't remember him.

Chapter 14

 

Heero woke up in Duo's arms, smelling like Duo and sex with Duo. Duo had a possessive arm around Heero's waist again, holding onto Heero even in his sleep. Instead of getting up, Heero snuggled up against his lover – he finally had the right to call Duo that now; they were sleeping together, and they'd had sex. He was the lover of Duo Maxwell. God, he'd always wanted to say that.

Duo woke soon after that. He was extremely happy, and Heero felt him kissing the back of his neck. He made an indiscernible happy noise, and slid his arm further down Heero's waist, gently pulling Heero as close as he could.

“I think I must still be dreaming.” Duo said.

“Nope. You're awake.” Heero said, putting his hand over Duo's and entangling their fingers. “Very aware.”

“You're so fucking amazing Heero! I've wanted this for so long. After the first time, when you freaked out, I was so scared you'd never want to be with me again if I told you what happened. Then, after the war when you moved in with me, I thought it was the perfect chance to pick up where we left off.”

“I'm sorry.” Heero said. “As much as I'm still pissed that you lied, you're probably right. I would have totally lost it if I'd found out we'd slept together then. But, maybe, if I'd known I _could_ sleep with you, it would have helped later. I'm not really sure though. By the time I'd moved in with you I was already hooked on cocaine and heroin.”

“Damn. I didn't know.”

“I'm mostly over the coke now – I don't usually crave for it. But heroin – Duo, you've got to understand. If you want this,” he gestured to the two of them, “with me, then you're going to be in for some serious shit down the road. I'm still really, really addicted to heroin, and I don't know if I will ever be able to stop, at this point.”

“I'm not going to say I'm looking forward to that, if that's what you mean.” Duo said. “But I don't want to not be together because of it. I don't _care_ Heero. I mean, I care if it's something _you_ want to stop doing, and I'll help as much as I can. But I'm not going to reject you for it. I mean, I fell in love with you when you were on drugs, so why would I reject you now?”

“I don't know.” Heero said. “Last time things just went so badly. I can't go through that again.”

“Me either.” Duo said fervently. Last time Heero had left...he'd been committed to an asylum for two weeks. It was hands down the _worst_ two weeks of his adult life.

“For now...” Heero smirked. “Why don't we stick with what we're good at.” He turned around and reached a hand up and pulled Duo's head down for a long, heated kiss.

“Mmmhmm.” Duo said when they parted. “Well, I'm not going to argue.”

“Good.” Heero said, immensely grateful he'd gone and bought a lot of condoms. He had only the briefest hope that he could use them with Duo. Now he was very glad he had.

The harsh ring of Heero's cell phone broke through the moment, just when Heero had slipped his hand under Duo's shirt and was getting excited about actually fucking Duo, all the way.

“Let it go to voicemail.” Duo said huskily, his eyes clouded with lust.

“Mmh,” Heero agreed with him, and yanked Duo's shirt over his head. He started kissing his way down Duo's face and then down his body, determined to ignore his phone.

It became impossible. After the phone finally stopped ringing, it started again, and then a third time. Clearly whoever it was, they weren't going to give up. Duo moaned when Heero's lips left his stomach and Heero reached over for his phone.

“Hello?” He said gruffly. He was not pleased. He'd _finally_ gotten in bed with Duo and the world was already trying to get them apart.

“Heero.” It was Sally. “I was just calling to make sure things are alright. You missed your regen appointment.”

“What?” Heero asked. The days had been a blur since Duo and Heero's fight. He'd completely forgotten about it.

“Can you come in now? I could squeeze you in, in about a half hour.”

“Um...” Heero took a moment to clear his head. He seriously considered saying no, but Sally had been very good about not pushing him. If he didn't go, he really wouldn't put it past her to show up and take him to the clinic herself. That would be...so much worse. He gave in.

“Yeah. I uh...I'll have Duo drive me right over.”

“Thank you, Heero.” She said.

“Yeah, ok.” She had no idea what she was asking Heero to give up. He hung up and sighed heavily before getting out of bed.

“Uh, Heero?” Duo was still flushed and panting, shirtless, with his pants nearly off. God he was so sexy. “Where are you going? Who was that?”

Heero growled at the sight of him. Couldn't she have waited another hour or so? Would that have _really_ killed the universe?

“It was Sally. She's all pissed that I missed an appointment with her, and she wants me to come in right away.”

“Oh, god! Can't you go in later?”

“If I don't, she's likely to come here.” Heero said, pointing out the fact that had gotten _him_ out of bed.

“Fuck.” Apparently the mental image of Sally barging in on them screwing did the same thing for Duo, because he also groaned and slid out of bed. “She owes me _sooo_ much for this.”

“I'm gonna make coffee, you want some?” Duo asked sleepily.

“No time.” Heero said. Sally wants us there in less than a half-hour, and it's all the way downtown.

“No sex _and_ no coffee? Fuck!” Duo snarled, heading to his closet to rummage up some clothes. “I'm gonna have to drive like a demon to get you there in a half hour.”

“Sorry.” Heero said, and he meant it. “You can get coffee while I'm at my appointment.”

“Ugh, I don't see what's so damn important she can't just _wait_ to see you.” Duo grumbled, coming back out of his closet with a pair of old jeans and a black hoodie on.

“It's Sally.” Heero said, as if that explained everything.

He went into the closet himself, and followed Duo's example, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Then out of impulse, he pulled another hoodie off Duo's rack. It was brown, and entirely too big for him, but it smelled like Duo, and was incredibly comfortable. If he didn't get to sleep with Duo, he was damn well going to smell like him.

“Mmh. I like seeing you in my clothes.” Duo said when he came out into the kitchen.

“Good. Because your hoodies are incredibly comfortable.” Heero said. “Most of my clothes look good, but they're not comfortable at all.”

“Well, as much as I appreciate your wardrobe, it's actually sexier to see you in my clothes.” Duo grinned, “For some reason.”

“For some reason.” Heero agreed, and took the protein shake and vitamins Duo handed him. He downed it in one gulp and took the pills after. Figures Duo would still make time for that, even though they had to go.

“C'mon, you can brush your hair in the car. We gotta go if you're going to be there on time. And bring your damn cigarettes, I need a smoke.” Duo said, and went flying out the door.

Heero obediently grabbed his cigarettes, wallet and phone and stuffed them into the hoodie's large pockets before he too, took off out the door, barely remembering to lock it behind him. Duo had the truck all ready to go, so Heero hopped in and buckled up, which was a good thing, because Duo took off with the tires screeching. Heero dug his hands into the seat and tried to keep from swearing as Duo proceeded to break every law of traffic on his way to the hospital.

“Gimme a light.” He said, after they'd just floored it through an intersection.

“No fucking way am I giving you a cigarette while you're driving like this.”

“Either you give me a cigarette, or I'll dig around in your pockets till I find one. Fuck me Heero, I used to pilot Deathscythe. I think I can drive and smoke at the same time. Besides, I think I've been pretty reasonable this morning, all things considered, don't you?”

Heero grumbled, but pulled out his cigarettes anyways, putting one in Duo's mouth and lighting it for him.

“Thank you.”

“I am _such_ a bad influence on you.” Heero muttered, lighting one of his own. “You'd finally quit smoking too.”

“Nah.” Duo chuckled. “I just stopped doing it in front of everyone else. I can't help it, I've got an oral fixation. When I'm nervous, or bitchy, or depressed, or well....pretty much any time, I gotta have _something_ in my mouth.”

Heero smirked, “I'm sure we could put something in it.”

“Dammit!” Duo snapped, “Do _not_ try to make me horny right now. You know that's not what I meant, and now....ah fuck.” He moaned. “See, now all I'm thinking about is fucking you again. Fuck! How long is this appointment going to last?”

“About ten minutes talking to Sally, and then an hour in the regen unit.” Heero replied, totally forgetting that he had planned on _not_ bringing up the regen unit.

“In the WHAT?” Duo exclaimed. “What the hell? Why do you need a regen unit? Are you okay? What-what-WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING GOING!!!” Duo broke off mid-freak out to scream out the window at a red Ferrari they had barely missed smashing into, giving the driver the finger.

“Duo, calm down. I'm fine. It's just old war injuries that Sally's obsessed with fixing. You can talk to her about it while I'm bored out of my mind in the unit. Okay?”

“I just – ugh. Fine. We're here anyways.”

“Drop me off up front. You can go get coffee and brunch and come back. Page Sally and she can take you to the regen unit room.”

“Yeah, okay. Leave me the cigarettes, will ya?”

“You need to buy your own.” He said, but left them for Duo anyways.

Heero didn't even check in at the front desk – he just went straight to the regen room. He'd been coming to Sally's clinic for years, and the whole staff recognized him. He'd even slept with some of the male nurses. Not that he'd told Sally. She would have flipped.

He'd been surprised that a small clinic like Sally's could afford a regen unit, since most of their work was for charity, helping the homeless, illegal immigrants, and uninsured. But she had told him that between Quatre's yearly grants and the ridiculous sum Wufei had insisted on giving her during their divorce, it was more than enough to pay for everything and still have enough left over to live on.

Sally was waiting for him, an indignant look on her face. “I'll pretend I don't know how fast Duo had to drive to get you here on time.” She said dryly.

“You're the one who wanted me here in a half hour.”

“And you're the one who missed your appointment.” Sally shot back. “Get undressed and get into a gown and I'll be right back to turn the machine on.”

“Yes, mother.” Heero said. He sighed and stripped down, laying his clothes neatly on a chair.

He scowled as he pulled the hospital gown on. They made him look ridiculous. He left it open at the back, since Sally would just make him untie it anyways, and went over and laid down on the regen unit.

It was as big as a bed, and had a thick, clear plastic slab to lie down on. The unit itself was actually underneath, and passed back and forth under the injury – healing burns, helping bone and muscle knit back together, and reducing scar tissue and encouraging new growth. When a patient had a full body injury, or something that couldn't be pressed against the plastic, there was a track that could be pulled out around the patient as well. Since he had a back injury, it wasn't needed.

Sally came back in and covered him with a blanket, which was good because with how little body fat he had, he was already freezing. Then she adjusted the settings for the unit and started it up. The unit hummed to life and started to scan back and forth across the bottom of the plastic slab. It made Heero's spine tingle, which Sally assured him meant it was working. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but for Heero, who had spent most of his childhood hooked up to machinery, it was disconcerting, to say the least.

“I'd like to take some x-rays next time.” She said. “To see how you're progressing.”

“I can taste really spicy food now.” He informed her.

“That's a very positive sign. I know I usually sit with you Heero, but I have another patient waiting. Will you be alright, or do you want me to have a nurse keep you company?”

“No, I'll be fine.” He lied. The smell of the clinic made him nauseous. And even though Sally hadn't strapped him down like she was supposed to, being here on this machine was _way_ too similar to more than one horrible experience Heero had gone through.

“Alright. I'll have a nurse check in on you every twenty minutes. After you've been in there an hour you can go home.”

“Thank you.” He said, though he really didn't mean it.

She left, and Heero let out a deep, shaky breath. This was one of the reasons he hadn't wanted to use a regen unit. If he kept his eyes open, it was obviously not an OZ interrogation room, but the white walls, sounds of the machinery and the smell of disinfectant took his brain straight back to J's laboratory. He had spent countless, horrible hours of being strapped to a table and being pumped full of drugs that literally made him go insane, just so they could measure their effects. And if he _closed_ his eyes, all he saw were the faces of over-eager OZ officers, with any number of torture instruments, each one sure they could be the one to finally break him.

Open, or shut? Open, or shut? Heero thought he was going to pass out. He couldn't breathe. He would have stood up and bolted, but by the time he realized that he wasn't strapped down and that he could get up, his body was too numb with fear to move. Why the fuck hadn't he made Sally stay with him?

“Heero! Hey, Heero! Snap out of it!” Duo's voice cut through his terror and yanked him into the present. He opened his eyes to see Duo's anxious face peering down at him.

“Are you okay? You looked like you were going to be sick.”

“I hate this thing.” He whispered harshly, knowing he wouldn't have to tell Duo why. The other pilot nodded, and pulled up a chair so that Heero could reach out and touch him, if he wanted to. He had a cup of coffee and a sandwich bag in his hands, but he put them down so he could stick his hand inside the unit and grab Heero's hand.

“Just focus on me, okay?”

Heero nodded. “Thanks. I thought you would be gone longer.”

“No way. I've been in one of those things. They suck. I just got coffee and a sandwich at the shop, then headed right back here. I was gonna make a fuss if anyone said anything about the food. If I'd known Sally was gonna just leave you here, I wouldn't have even done that.”

“I told her it was fine.” Heero admitted.

“You're such a fucking idiot!” Duo exclaimed. “I had such horrible fucking flashbacks when I was on that thing. Why would you do that to yourself?”

Heero couldn't really argue with him. “Drink your coffee.”

“Are you sure?”

“God. Yes. I don't need you to hold my hand.” Heero groused.

Duo glared at him for a few minutes. Then he gave in, reluctantly releasing Heero's hand and took several large drinks of his coffee and unwrapped his sandwich. Before, Duo's high metabolism left him constantly hungry, and a hungry Duo was a bitchy Duo. It didn't look like his metabolism had slowed down at all.

“So,” he said when he'd polished off his food, “Tell me what's so bad that Sally actually managed to get you into that thing. Because the only time I ever got in it was when I got _carried_ into it when a pallet fell on me and crushed all the bones in my left leg.”

“It's my back.” Heero said, wondering when Duo had been careless enough to injure himself that badly, and yet feeling reluctant to ask about it. “You remember when I self-destructed.”

“Uh...yeah.” Duo said. “It was kind of a traumatic experience for me.”

“Tell me about it.” Heero said. “Anyways, Trowa obviously didn't have the equipment to fix me up as much as I needed to be fixed up.”

“It's a miracle he saved you at all.” Duo agreed, and then scowled when he realized who he was talking about.

“ _Anyways_ , Sally did some x-rays a while ago and discovered that I have a partially severed spine.”

“You have a WHAT?” Duo yelped, barely avoiding spraying coffee all over the regen unit.

“That was pretty much her reaction.”

“Shit! I'm surprised she even lets you out of that thing.”

Heero frowned. “She talked me into one hour a week. Do not give me that face Duo Maxwell, you hate this machine and hospitals in general just as much as I do. There is no fucking way I'm coming here more often than that.

“Yeah but -”

“I made it through the whole rest of the war and eight years after that without it breaking all the way, and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and remember that fucking lab for hours just in case something _might_ happen to me.” He paled when he realized he'd used the word 'lab' out loud. He and Duo had never, ever, discussed what had happened during his childhood.

“Lab? What do you -”

“Mr. Saito?” One of the nurses – not one he'd slept with, thank God, poked his head into the room. “How are you doing?”

“Fine. How much longer do I have to be in here?” He asked.

The nurse looked at his watch. “Another 35 minutes.”

Heero groaned.

“Would you like a magazine?” The nurse asked him.

Heero looked at Duo and then back at the nurse. “No.”

“Alright. The machine will turn itself off, so feel free to get up and dressed at that point. Do you want me to check back in on you?”

“No, thank you.” Heero tried not to think about how _long_ thirty-five minutes could be.

“So...what lab were you talking about?” Duo wasn't going to let this go.

“I really don't want to talk about it.”

Duo got up and closed the door. “What about now?”

Heero glared at him. “Don't you have things you don't want to talk about?”

“Well...yeah. Look. I'll trade ya.”

“What?”

“You tell me why _you_ hate this thing, and I'll tell you why _I_ hate it. And OZ doesn't count.”

Heero sighed. It wasn't like he could go anywhere. “Fine.”

“Before the war I...I was an experiment for the Barton Foundation. They wanted to create the “Perfect Soldier;” someone who would follow orders, feel no pain, emotion, or attachment to other humans, and self-destruct when asked. The drug I've been on my whole life...was part of it. But it wasn't cleared for use until after they did clinical trials on me.”

“Wait... Are you saying they made you a guinea pig?”

Heero looked away for a minute. “That drug was developed using results they gathered by pumping me full of chemicals and seeing what happened. So, yes.”

“Fuck.”

Heero felt that that word appropriately summed up the situation. “I didn't really think about it during the war. I was happy just to be _out_ of there, and anyways, I was busy not dying like everyone else. Then, right after the war, I fell apart, and was per-occupied with trying to keep everyone from finding out. But after that... I've been remembering it a lot. Nightmares, flashbacks – it's like now that I'm actually starting to experience human interaction, starting to fit in and get better, if you can call it that, all that shit is starting to come back to haunt me.

At the time, I didn't know it wasn't normal. I didn't know other kids weren't strapped to tables and experimented on. I didn't know most kids weren't kept in a 5x5 foot concrete room without windows or 'unnecessary distractions.' I thought it was normal. They told me it would make me a better soldier, a better assassin. I was only eight years old – I believed them. I thought my restlessness was my own fault. I thought I was weak for craving human comfort. I thought it was my-fucking-fault for wanting to go outside and run around like a normal kid.”

Heero's voice was raw, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from the horrified look on Duo's face.

“How did you – I mean, _fuck_ Heero. How did you survive that?”

“I'm genetically modified.” Heero said flatly, as if he were speaking about the weather. “I don't know who my real parents were. I was raised by an assassin for a few years – I was his cover. I don't know if he was my father or not. He wasn't bad though, from what I remember about him. After he died, Dr. J found me. When they started experimenting on me, they didn't expect me to last three weeks. None of their other test subjects had. But I healed from everything they did to me. Apparently, once your genetic code had been hacked, it's easy to do it again, and again. I don't even know if my DNA registers as human anymore.”

“So,” he said bitterly, “is that what you wanted to hear? Enjoy that little glimpse into my past?” He looked up into Duo's eyes, which were filled with tears.

“I'm so sorry Heero.” He whispered, leaning over the unit to kiss Heero tenderly.

Heero let him, pressing his own lips against Duo's, opening his mouth to Duo's gentle, questing tongue. He'd never been kissed like this before. It was gentle and warm and loving. Duo's fingers combed through Heero's hair, soothing him when he didn't know that he wanted to be soothed.

Duo finally pulled away, and Heero realized that, without even saying it, Duo had just told him exactly how he'd felt. The words were too painful to say, and anything else would have just been cheap and meaningless. Heero had finally opened himself up and let Duo in, and Duo hadn't rejected him.

Duo was about to go sit back down, but Heero stopped him, grabbing onto his arm. He slid his hand down into Duo's and searched those beautiful violet eyes with his own. He didn't say anything – he couldn't. Duo gripped his hand back. He understood.

“So.” Heero said, when the moment finally passed. “Why do _you_ hate this damn thing?”

“Aah. Well after hearing your story, I'm almost embarrassed to tell you. I mean, it was horrible at the time but...”

“We had a deal.”

“Right. Well, it was a few months after you'd left. Sally was having trouble with her baby, and Wufei was so stressed out and angry; you couldn't even look at the guy without setting him off. Quatre and Trowa were fighting and miserable and I was so fucking depressed, I didn't even want to get out of bed. Without you there... well...”

Duo trailed off for a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. “I was still holding it together until Trowa broke the bond between him and Quatre. Quatre had to be hospitalized, and Trowa and I got into a huge fight – I busted his face up real good, and he broke a couple of my ribs. Then Trowa disappeared, just like you had, and I – I fucking lost it. I got really, really drunk, and then I tried to slit my wrists open.”

Duo turned both his arms over to show Heero the thick twin scars running down both arms. “I don't know how I didn't die, or who called the ambulance. But I woke up in the psych ward with my wrists all bandaged up and strapped to a table. They had me on all sorts of drugs – they wouldn't listen when I tried to tell them what I couldn't take. The meds fucked me up real bad. I was flashing back to the war and screaming bloody murder. I escaped once, and almost killed two orderlies and a shrink. It was over a week before Wufei came and got me out. Between Sally and Quatre, he hadn't been home to get any of the messages they'd left him telling him I was there.”

Heero traced the thick scars with his fingers, “I'm glad they let you out.” He whispered.

“Yeah, well, Wufei didn't give them much of a choice. He said they had to release me or he'd break me out with as many Preventers agents as it took. Then, he made me stay with him for two months to detox. He made Quatre stay there too, when he got out of the hospital. Me and Wufei never really got along before, but after that, well, it was like I owed him, you know?”

The room grew suddenly quiet as the regen unit clicked off. Heero practically leapt off the unit. “Thank god. Let's get out of here.”

He put the blanket back on the bed and then ripped the hospital gown off, not even caring that that meant Duo was going to see him naked. He went over to the chair and began putting on his clothes, feeling the heat of Duo's gaze on his back. “Like what you see?” He asked. Duo had seen his dick last night, if he'd even been conscious after that blowjob, but he'd never seen Heero completely naked.

“Mhmm. You've got a nice ass.”

“You can check me out at home.” Heero said firmly, pulling on his pants as fast as he could, then pulling Duo's brown hoodie over his head. He stopped for a second to smell Duo's scent on that hoodie – he really, _really_ loved wearing Duo's clothes. He didn't give a shit if that made him girly or not.

“Really? Damn, I like the sound of that. Lets go.”

They walked out together, and when Duo reached over to take his hand, Heero smiled and slipped his hand in Duo's. On the way home, Duo drove even faster than he had on the way there. It was probably because of what Heero had said, and the fact that they had been interrupted earlier.

As soon as they were inside the apartment with the doors locked, Duo picked him up and carried him into the bedroom, as if he didn't think Heero could get there fast enough on his own. Heero was going to protest, but Duo cut him off with one of those kisses of his, warm and gentle and slow. Heero didn't know what it was exactly, but Duo kissing him like that just made him melt.

“Yep.” Duo said when he'd laid Heero down. “I fucking love having you in my bed.”

“I'm not even undressed yet.” Heero said.

“Mmm. I can fix that.” Duo said, climbing up on the bed with him. He slid both his hands under the brown hoodie, sending sparks of pleasure across Heero's skin.

Duo straddled him, grinding his hips and already obvious erection against Heero's pelvis. His kisses became more aggressive, and Heero went along with it, sliding one hand into Duo's jeans and the other up his shirt. Duo's powerful muscles were covered in skin littered with scars, but Heero didn't mind – it actually turned him on more. This wasn't just some john, this was Duo, who he'd fought beside, who'd watched his back during the worst dogfights, and who was currently dry humping him, the sexiest moans rolling out of his throat.

“Are you - “ Duo asked him between kisses, “-sure you wanna do this?”

“What do you mean?” Heero asked, grinding his own erection into Duo's and wishing they'd just take their clothes off already. He understood that foreplay was usually a desirable part of sex, but he'd been waiting for _years_ to have sex with Duo.

“Us, having sex. Really, really having sex.”

He pulled one of Duo's hand out from under his clothes and put it on top of his erection. “Does it _feel_ like I really, really want to have sex with you?”

“Mmm... yes but-”

And then Heero knew what Duo was worried about. Last time, from what he could remember of the affair, Heero was pretty sure that he'd been the one on top. “Duo.” He said, unbuttoning Duo's shirt. “Fuck me.”

“Oh god, I've always wanted you to say that.” Duo let Heero take his shirt off, and then he greedily pulled Heero's hoodie off too.

Heero still thought there were entirely too many clothes involved in this, and he reached for the button on Duo's pants.

“Not yet.” Duo said huskily. “I wanna focus on you for a moment, not your dick.”

Easy for him to say. Heero wanted to be fucked _now_ dammit. And Duo was still grinding against him so it wasn't exactly like he was _ignoring_ his cock. Duo's lips left his mouth and moved down to Heero's neck, licking and sucking it until he found a spot that made Heero groan. He stayed there for a few minutes, finding all of Heero's hotspots. Part of Heero felt like he should take over, but most of him felt that it was more than okay to let Duo fuck him than the other way around. Duo was gentle and eager, and his touch sent shivers down Heero's spine. He'd never _wanted_ this much before. One of his hands was on Duo's ass, which was amazing even through his jeans, and the other one was tangled up in Duo's hair, gently but firmly demanding that Duo move his mouth down to where Heero wanted it to be.

Duo relented, working his way down Heero's chest, until he was kissing Heero's hipbones. “Pants off _now_.” Heero said firmly.

Duo seemed to agree, and unbuttoned Heero's jeans while Heero unbuttoned his. Heero reached over to the nightstand while Duo was kicking his pants off and pulled out two condoms and a bottle of flavored lubricant.

“We have to use these until my test results come back.” Heero said, even though he wished they didn't need them.

“Mmkay.” Duo agreed, even though Heero knew Duo was far too busy staring at Heero's dick to even really be thinking about what Heero was saying.

Heero put his own condom on, which dragged Duo's attention back to what he was doing long enough to take the bottle of lube from Heero. Heero gasped when Duo grabbed his cock and applied a liberal amount of lube to it. He'd been fucked by a lot of people, but no one had ever made his cock feel this good. He _trusted_ Duo – he could relax and enjoy it the way he'd never been able to before. It made more of a difference then he'd thought it would.

Duo went down on him without warning, and Heero moaned louder. He'd given Duo a blowjob last night but he hadn't expected to get one in return. He arched up off the bed, pushing himself further down Duo's throat. Duo took him without protest. It was nice to have a partner who cared about how he felt during sex.

He felt one of Duo's fingers probing his entrance, and spread his legs as wide as they would go. Duo took this as the invitation it was. He went in gently at first, and then, after there were no protests from Heero, pushed it in all the way to the knuckle. Heero moaned again as Duo started moving inside him. It felt good, but that wasn't what he wanted.

“You don't have to prep me.” He gasped out between moans. “I'm a professional.”

Duo raised himself up off Heero's cock long enough to say, “I have an enormous cock Heero. I'm gonna prep you.” Duo added a second finger without missing a beat, working Heero's ass in circles to prepare him for the thickness of Duo's cock. Then he went right back to sucking Heero's dick.

Heero knew that relaxation was key, especially if he wasn't going to be high. And Duo's mouth on his cock was amazing; he'd apparently gotten in a lot of practice. Duo had a bigger mouth then Heero did, so even though he couldn't control his gag reflex the way Heero could, he didn't need to. Heero craved the feeling of Duo fucking him. He wanted it; he needed it. After finding out that they had had sex before, it was all he could think about.

Duo added a third finger, and Heero decided that Duo was trying to torture him. If he wasn't used to regular sex at this point, he'd have come already. He managed to get his hands on Duo's cock, and started stroking him while Duo fucked Heero with his hand. Duo shuddered as Heero stroked him.

He pushed himself up off Heero's cock with a gasp and said, “No fucking fair!”

“Fuck me.” Heero ground out, opening the second condom and rolling it out over Duo's cock. Duo kept fucking him while he put lube on Duo's cock, though he wouldn't have minded having sex without it. He was already lubed up from Duo's fingers, and the condoms were lubricated. Heero liked it rough – but Duo wouldn't let him.

“Yanno, for being on bottom, you're not very submissive.” Duo grinned. Heero didn't think for a moment that Duo would have enjoyed it any other way.

So instead of answering, Heero lay back on the bed and spread his legs, holding them open so his rock hard cock and his entrance were both visible and available to Duo. He wanted to see Duo when they fucked. He let himself moan more then he usually would – Duo liked being loud, so he probably wanted Heero to be loud, too.

_“Fuck me.”_

“God,” Duo moaned, “You're amazing.”

Heero stifled a whimper as Duo pulled his fingers out, and then slid off the mattress to stand on the side of the bed. He pulled Heero over to him, the mattress putting him at just the right height to hold Heero's hips and be able to fuck him.

“Tell me if I hurt you.” He insisted, placing his cock at Heero's entrance, and then guiding himself in slowly, controlling the pace with the iron grip he had on Heero's hips. Heero felt a sudden spasm of pain he hadn't been expecting. Duo was enormous. He'd been fucked by lots of guys, but Duo's dick was one of the largest. He shuddered as Duo pushed himself all the way in.

“Heero, are you okay?” There was no fooling Duo. He could always tell when Heero was masking pain.

“I'm fine. You're just... fuck. Give me a minute to adjust.” He gasped out. He wanted Duo to move, but he knew it would be better for both of them if he just waited a moment.

“I am pretty enormous.” Duo said proudly. He bent over and kissed Heero, adjusting his grip on Heero's hips so he could keep his cock buried deep inside him and let him get used to Duo's impressive length.

“Move.” Heero said, when the pain subsided. Duo hesitated. Heero hooked his legs around Duo's and pushed himself away for a moment, then pulled himself all the way back down, eliciting a groan of pleasure from both of them.

“Yeah, okay.”

Duo fucked him hard. Heero knew he was trying to be gentle, but he was excited, and as he picked up speed, Heero could feel him losing some of his control, his breath coming in quick, excited gasps as he slammed his cock into Heero's ass. He knew what he was doing though; it felt amazing. Duo made sure to hit his prostate often, sending Heero arcing off the bed and grinding himself on to Duo.

He'd never enjoyed being underneath a man as much as he liked bottoming for Duo. Even after Duo had lost himself in the sheer pleasure of fucking him, Duo was one of the most experienced tops Heero had ever been with. Once Duo had stopped worrying about hurting Heero, he started fucking Heero with a steady, fast rhythm that was _exactly_ what Heero wanted.

Normally, Heero could be fucked for hours. But between the unexpected foreplay, and the fact that it was Duo fucking him – really, really fucking him - he was having a hard time hanging on. It couldn't have been more then fifteen minutes before he couldn't take it anymore.

“I'm gonna -” He tried to warn Duo, but then Duo slammed into his prostate one last time, and it sent Heero over the edge, shuddering with pleasure as he came harder than he ever had in his life. He felt Duo's orgasm start just after his own, as Duo came with a strangled gasp and Heero felt Duo's cock pulse inside of him as Duo screamed his name.

Afterwords, they both collapsed on the bed. Heero let Duo take the condoms off this time – his whole body felt like jelly. He felt thoroughly fucked and immensely satisfied. Not only had the sex been amazing, he'd been able to relax and orgasm without being high. Duo lay back down on the bed and Heero crawled over to him, wrapping his leg around Duo's, and his arm around Duo's waist.

“Thank you, that was wonderful.” He said honestly.

“Thank _you_.” Duo said, “I've never had a partner that could take me all the way like that before, not since my growth spurt.”

“Mm. I like being on bottom, actually.” Heero admitted. “Especially with you. I trust you.”

“God, that's so sexy.” Duo said. “So. Am I the biggest guy you've ever fucked?”

“No.” Heero said, “But you are the biggest non-modified guy I've slept with, unless?”

“Hell no. This baby is 100% home grown.” Duo grinned.

Heero smirked. Duo was so confident, it was adorable. Of course, with how hard he'd just been fucked, Duo had reason to be confident. His face turned serious. “Duo...I...” He didn't know if he should say it. It had caused so many problems, before.

“Yeah?” Duo asked sleepily.

Heero took a deep breath, and went for it. “I love you.”

Duo laid there in stunned silence. The last time Duo had heard those words with Heero, he'd said them to Heero's stiff and unresponsive back. Then, Heero had gone into their room, thrown together a duffel bag of his things, and walked out the door, intending to never return.

“I...love you too, Heero.”

“Good.” Heero said firmly, and laid his head on Duo's chest, willing Duo to understand what he meant.

Duo threaded his fingers in Heero's hair and stroked his head softly. He seemed completely comfortable to be here in bed, tangled up with him naked and smelling like sex. Heero was surprised to feel completely relaxed himself. After the last time their relationship had completely fallen apart, he'd never thought he'd get a chance to try again.

He knew words weren't enough. They still had a lot of shit to work through; and honestly he doubted if anyone as fucked up as they were would ever have a perfect relationship. Even though he couldn't bring himself to say all that, he knew that Duo got it. Heero was telling him that this time, he was there to stay.


End file.
